Underground - Chapter 25: Chapter 25

The first thing I was aware of when I woke up was the pain in my ribs and head.
The second thing I was aware of was being tightly curled up against Levi.
His arms were still loosely wrapped around my waist, his jacket still draped over the two of us, my head on his chest. I could hear the sound of his heart beneath my ear, the rhythmic beating a comforting sound in the silence of the room.
I glanced up at him, his head leaned back against the wall, his lips parted slightly, his eyes closed as he breathed deeply in sleep, in and out. The corners of my lips quirked up into a small smile. He looked so much less threatening when he was sleeping, more like the boy I had grown up with. I reached up and gently pushed the dark hair back from his forehead, careful to keep my touch light as my fingers brushed across his forehead so as not to disturb his sleep.
I sat up slowly, holding in a groan as I moved my tender ribs, and careful not to wake Levi, pulled the jacket off of me and stood up. The fire had gone out sometime during the night, and I shivered in the chilly air of the room, flinching again as the movement hit my ribs.
I glanced down, running a finger over the dark, large bruises that had formed along my side. I wouldn't know if anything was broken until we got back to base and Hange looked me over. Everything sure hurt like hell though.
I moved silently around Levi and picked my clothes up off the floor. They were dry thankfully, and I slipped on my uniform with measured movements, careful not to jar my ribs anymore than I needed to. Leaving my 3DM harness and gear on the floor, I padded across the room and opened the door, slipping outside before shutting it quietly behind me.
I took in a deep breath of the morning air, glad to see the sun back again after so many days of rain, and squinted in the bright morning light as I studied the wall in the distance.
Suddenly, I heard hoofbeats coming toward the village.
I looked toward the east in time to see riders emerge from the trees, headed in my direction. They approached me, slowing their horses as they reached me, and I recognized Jaeger, Ackerman, Arlert, and Miller on the mounts' backs.
Jaeger pulled up his horse in front of me and said, "Corporal! You're a sight for sore eyes."
I flashed a grin at him as I shaded my eyes from the sun, looking up at him. "Yeah, well, I'm alive. So I'm not going to complain."
He flicked his gaze behind me, to the closed door, and then met my eyes again, the question he wanted to ask clear in his eyes. I nodded to him. "Corporal Ackerman's fine as well, Jaeger. He's too stubborn to go down that easily."
Just then, Levi opened the door behind me, securing his 3DM harness around his waist as he emerged from the house, squinting over at Jaeger. "Oi, I heard my name. You'd better not be talking crap, (L/N)."
I raised an eyebrow at Jaeger. "See? What did I tell you? Alive and surly as ever."
Miller jumped down from her mount and came up to me, relief flashing in her eyes as she said quietly, "I'm so glad you're all right, Corporal." Her eyes flicked to the empty doorway behind us. "Is Johnson...."
I shook my head and she looked down at her feet, dropping my gaze as tears started to gather in her eyes.
I cleared my throat, emotion welling up again, and turned back to Jaeger. "Please tell me you brought our horses with you. Because I think I've walked enough to last a lifetime."
Arlert came forward, our mounts trailing behind him. He flashed me a smile as he handed me the reigns to my mare and then threw Levi his as well.
Levi swung up onto his stallion as I ran back into the house to grab my 3DM gear. Pulling the harness on as I walked back out the door, I mounted my mare and glanced over at Miller, whose eyes had cleared of tears, but who now wore a sad, stoic look on her face. Arlert was saying something to her quietly, his hand on her back, a sympathetic look upon his face.
"Oi, Jaeger." Levi called out to the boy, who was mounted next to me. We both looked in his direction and he raised an eyebrow at us, irritation lacing his voice as he said, "Let's get going already."
We traveled in silence for an hour, until we finally reached the gate into Wall Rose. Jaeger rode forward and waved up at the guards on the wall and they motioned back, disappearing for a few moments to set the gate into motion.
With a loud, creaking, clanging sound, the gate began to raise into the air, giving us enough room within a few moments to ride through and back into the city.
I took in a deep breath of the city air as we entered in through the gate. I had never been happier to smell the scent of tightly packed humans and various food aromas wafting toward me on the breeze than I was in that moment.
We had made it.
A tight hand took a hold of my beating heart at the thought and a large lump suddenly appeared in my throat, making it hard to breathe.
Well, some of us had made it.
I rode through the city, keeping close behind Levi, some of the townspeople stopping in the middle of their business to watch the scouting troop as we wove our horses through the packed streets.
The barracks came into sight and a feeling of dread came into my stomach as we reached the stables, and the cadets jumped down from their horses.
What in the hell was I going to tell Mory?
Miller appeared in front of me, grasping my mare's reins in her hand as she glanced up at me. "I can take your horse, Corporal. I'm sure you have other more pressing things to attend to."
I gave her a slight nod. "Thank you, Miller."
I jumped down from my horse and landed lightly on my feet, as Miller pulled the mare and her mount after her into the shadowed innards of the stables. I waited until she was out of sight before I let out a quiet groan under my breath and bent over slightly, putting a hand to my injured ribs, which were throbbing from the ride back to the city.
I took in a deep breath, wincing slightly as my ribs screamed at the movement, and straightened, just as I heard a voice call out my name from across the commons.
"(F/N)-san! You're back!"
My heart skipped a beat as I glanced over and saw Mory running toward me, her blonde hair streaming out behind her as she ran, a grin lighting up her features, Hange close on her heels.
When the little girl reached me, she threw her arms around my legs and beamed up at me, her cheeks red from the cool evening air. Her blue eyes were like two dark pools in the advancing twilight as she said excitedly, "(F/N)-san! I was worried when you didn't come back! Are you okay?"
I crouched down in front of her, ignoring the protests of my aching ribs, and took her hands in mine, giving her a slight smile as I met her eager gaze. "I'm fine, Mory. Just a little tired is all."
She gripped my hands tightly in her small, warm palms and leaned forward, giving me a soft kiss on my cheek before she pulled back and said, "I'm so glad you're okay. I knew you would be. You're so brave."
I opened my mouth to respond to her, when Levi walked by us, calling out to Hange as he passed me, "Oi, four-eyes." She shot him an exasperated glare and he flicked his fingers to where I was still crouched beside Mory. "(L/N) fell in the woods yesterday. I'm fairly sure she hurt herself, even if she won't admit it. Make sure you take a look at her when you're done here."
I shot a glare at his back as he continued to walk away, back toward headquarters, probably to give his report to Erwin. I was halfway pleased he had remembered I might be injured, but also halfway annoyed that he felt the need to look out for me when he didn't even like me.
Mory tugged on my hands and I drew my gaze back to her. Her blue, wide eyes searched behind me as the group of cadets emerged from the stables after putting away the horses. "(F/N)-san." She said in a curious voice, her eyes still searching the cadets. "Where's brother-san?"
My mouth was suddenly dry. I felt like I was going to be sick. "Mory....." I glanced up at Hange, who still stood behind the little girl, and she instantly read the response to her question in my eyes. She reached forward and put a comforting hand on the little girl's shoulder.
Mory met my gaze, and even though she was young, she'd seen enough loss in her short life to recognize the pain in my eyes and what it meant. Tears instantly filled her eyes and began to brim over, spilling down her cheeks. "No....brother-san...." Her voice trembled as she spoke his name.
I reached out and pulled her to me in a tight embrace, her tiny body trembling against me, the warm tears from her cheeks falling onto my uniform. I ran a hand over her hair as I said quietly, "I'm so, so very sorry, Mory." I felt tears gather in my own eyes. "I am so sorry."
Suddenly, she pushed away from me, a flash of anger flickering across her face as she cried out, "He promised he'd come back! And you promised you'd protect him! And you didn't!" She turned around and threw her arms around Hange, burying her face in Hange's chest, as she yelled at me, "You saved me! And you didn't save him! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Her voice dissolved into muffled sobs.
Hange glanced at me over the little girl's head, her arms around her small body, and gave me a sympathetic smile as she said, "I'll go and put her to bed. Meet me in my lab. I'll fix you up when I'm done."
I watched Mory for a moment, crying into Hange, and her words echoed in my head over and over. She was right. I had failed to protect her brother. She was right to hate me. So why did I feel as if a knife were stuck in my heart and someone was constantly twisting it round, sending shooting pains throughout my whole body?
I nodded to Hange and she stood, Mory cradled in her arms, and headed off toward the barracks.
I stayed crouched on the ground for a few more moments and then stood with a sigh, holding my injured ribs as I did so. Although the pain didn't feel so great now. Not compared to the pain that was reverberating in my heart with every beat.
I crossed the commons to headquarters and entered the large building, keeping my head down as I walked silently through the halls. I didn't think I'd run into anyone, but I didn't want to talk with anyone if I did.
I headed down the stairs that led to the basement of the building and walked to the end of the long dark hall, pushing open the heavy door to Hange's lab. I glanced around at the stacks of papers and messy forms that covered the room and, finding a chair in the corner, cleared the seat so I could sit down.
I had only been sitting for a few moments in the quiet darkness of the room, lost in thought, when Hange came through the door, a brightly flickering torch held in her hand. She gave me a smile as she saw me in the corner and, sticking the torch into a holder on the wall, began rummaging around in her desk for something.
I watched her search for a moment and then said, "Hell, Hange, how do you find anything in here? It looks like a titan came through and threw everything every which way."
Hange laughed quietly and held up a medical kit she had unearthed from her desk. She flashed me a grin. "There's a method to my madness, (F/N). I know where things are, even if it doesn't appear that way."
She crossed the room and crouched beside me, opening the medical kit at my feet. She pulled out a long roll of gauze and then turned to me, motioning to my shirt. "Take that off. Let me see what we've got."
I pulled my shirt over my head, grimacing as the movement shot sharp flashes of pain through my ribs, and dropped it on the floor beside the chair.
Hange came up on her knees, glancing at the dark, large bruise that marred my side, her glasses reflecting the light from the torch as she said, "Hmmm..." quietly to herself. She reached out and ran her fingers gently along my ribs, feeling for breaks with her hand before she pulled back and said, "Well, I'd say there's a few that are broken. But they should heal up alright. In the meantime," She held up the roll of linen. "I'm going to bind you up pretty tightly."
She unrolled the roll of white fabric and then stood, motioning to me. "Hold your arm up above your head as much as you can, (F/N)."
I did as she said, wincing again as the movement of raising my arm aggravated my ribs. She leaned over and wrapped the linen around and around my chest, just underneath my bra, pulling each layer tighter and tighter than the last. Finally, she finished the roll and secured the loose end neatly along my side with a few pins before stepping back and raising an eyebrow at me, studying her work. "Well? Does it feel any better?"
I lowered my arm. "I feel like I'm wearing a corset." I moved my arm gently side to side and my ribs didn't ache quite as badly with the movement as they did before, although it was a little harder to breathe properly with the tight linen wrapped around my chest. I gave her a half smile. "It feels a bit better. Thank you, Hange."
"Oi, (L/N)." Suddenly, Levi appeared in the doorway. His eyes fell on me in the corner, still partially undressed, and he looked slightly embarrassed if that were possible.
Hange smirked at him, glancing between the two of us, and then said, "Rivaille? What are you doing here?" Her eyes flashed mischievously behind her glasses. "Are you here to check on (F/N) perhaps?"
He glared at her. "Tch. I was just on my way back from reporting to Erwin, and he wanted me to tell you to make sure you stick to the budget he's given you, four-eyes."
She flashed him a grin. "Uh-huh. Okay, Rivaille." She wiggled her eyebrows at him over her glasses, shooting me a knowing look.
"Tch. You're hopeless." He turned and stalked back out the door. We heard his angry footsteps on the stairs and then it was silent again.
Hange turned to me again and raised an eyebrow in my direction. "Ooooh....Rivaille came to check up on you. Does someone have a little crush?"
I blushed. I hoped she couldn't see the slight pink hint to my cheeks in the dim light of the room. "Shut up, Hange. You know he doesn't like me at all. He can't even stand to work with me, so how could he have a crush on me?"
Hange looked like she wanted to tease me some more, but instead, she thought for a moment, studying me, and then said, in a more serious tone, "He's a strange character, isn't he?" She put a finger to her chin, her thinking pose, and then said, "I've been doing some studies with some of the cadets on how backgrounds influence who we are now. You know, since Erwin cut my titan budget." She glared to herself and then glanced back over to me. "I'd love to get inside Rivaille's head, see how the Underground influenced who he is today. But of course, he'd never go for it. If only I knew someone else from the Underground who I could delve into...." She raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to see what she was hinting at.
I rolled my eyes. "So you want to ask me instead."
She clapped her hands gleefully. "Oh, (F/N)! You would do that for me?"
I sighed and stood from the chair, pulling my shirt back over my head. "I don't think I have much choice."
She ran forward and hugged me, careful not to jostle my ribs as she said excitedly, "I promise it won't be much. Just some questions. When you feel better, in a few days, we'll get into it, alright?"
I gritted my teeth slightly. If there was anything that I hated talking about, it was the Underground and my growing up. I kept it as quiet as possible, not because I was ashamed of who I was, but because I didn't want to relive the painful memories anymore than I had to.
I sighed again as she continued to hug me. "Fine, Hange. I'll cooperate in your 'study.'" I pushed her off of me. "But for now, leave me alone, so I can go the hell to sleep."
I wanted to sink into the oblivion of sleep, even if just for a little while. It was the only way I was going to escape Mory's words that had constantly been echoing around my head ever since she had screamed them at me.
"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."