Virgin Sacrifice to the Last Lycan - Chapter 171: Chapter 171

Justin’s POV
Randy sat at the table opposite me, going over reports of available warriors and supplies. While we weren’t openly fighting anyone at the moment, we still had dangerous adversaries lurking just out of sight. No one thought the Huntsman had given up.
I cleared my throat. “Randy? Can I ask you a question?”
“Mmm,” he muttered, not looking up.
“Did I abuse Helen?”
His gaze jerked up to me so fast that I was surprised he didn’t hurt his neck. “What?”
I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair. I’d given this a lot of thought over the six weeks since Helen started living on her own. And my mind kept coming back to the frightening thought that maybe I’d actually gone so far as to abuse my own mate. Every time I thought that a sick feeling settled in my stomach. I’d finally come to the conclusion that I needed to ask Randy if I had.
If Randy confirmed my fears, then I needed to find a way to repair that damage between Helen and me. If I was simply overreacting, then I needed to let go and move forward without the guilt. Randy was the only one to witness everything, as well as the only opinion I fully trusted.
He stared at me in silence for a long time before finally saying, “I’m not sure how to answer that.”
“It’s a yes or no question,” I said, getting irritated. “Did I abuse her or not?”
“I meant I don’t want to . . .”
“Upset me?” I growled at him. “You not answering is upsetting me. I won’t blame you for whatever you tell me if that’s what you’re worried about. But if I ever find out you lied to me, I’ll have your hide.”
He crossed his arms and glared at me. “Fine. Do you want the truth? You abused the hell out of her. If we had courts like humans, you’d be sitting in jail for a long time. But so would your parents and hers. Our society is different. But that doesn’t change the fact that you tried to break her in half a dozen different ways.”
I staggered back from his brutal honesty.
He snarled at me. “Don’t look so shocked. I warned you over and over about the lines you were crossing. You never listened to me.” His head drooped. “My biggest regret is that I didn’t intervene sooner or more forcefully. I should have done more to stop you.”
I shook my head. “My sins are not your fault. I wouldn’t dream of taking responsibility for anything my father did. And you shouldn’t blame yourself for my actions.”
He stared at me, curiosity on his face. “What brought all this on so suddenly?”
Shame heated my face. “I’ve been thinking about how badly I treated Helen. It makes me sick.”
“That’s guilt,” Randy said.
“How do I make it go away? How do I fix this with Helen?”
He frowned. “Guilt goes away when you make an honest effort to fix your wrongs. As for Helen, start by saying you’re sorry and mean it.”
“How?”
Randy rolled his eyes. “Repeat after me. Helen . . .” He waited.
“Helen.”
“I.”
“I.”
“Am.”
“Am.”
“Sorry.”
“Sorry.”
Silence.
“Then what?” I pressed.
Randy shrugged. “Maybe list the things you’re sorry for? Let that turn into a discussion. Let her air her feelings. And for God’s sake, don’t tell her that her feelings are wrong, or worse, tell her how she should feel.”
“Then what?”
He looked at me like I was stupid. “Then you never repeat those actions. Think carefully each time you interact with her, so it never happens again. Watch to see you’re not scaring her. And be patient. How long did it take for you to trust her after she was forced to stab you.”
“I still have flashes of distrust,” I admitted.
He nodded. “It’ll be the same for her. Healing is going to take a long time. You hurt both her body and her feelings, much like she did to you.” He caught me in a serious glare. “Or maybe you were worse.”
“How so?” I growled, anger rising.
“She was forced to stab you with magic against her will. You chose to hurt her back. And she knows your actions were all your own decision.”
A whole new level of sickness invaded my stomach. “What have I done?” I groaned.
Randy stood and moved next to me, gripping my shoulder. “You made mistakes. You acted like a beast after being told you were no better than that for your whole life. Repairing the damage done to you by your abusive father isn’t going to be easy, or smooth, or fast. But catching yourself before you become him, fixing your mistakes, and aiming to do better is a good start.”
I nodded, still feeling ill.
The doorbell rang, and a moment later, one of my staff tapped on the door. “King Justin? Luna Helen is here to see you.”
Randy gripped my arm so hard it hurt. “Now’s a perfect time. Start by apologizing before you can chicken out.” He turned to the staff. “Show her in here, please.”
My head and heart swirled, looking for solid ground. Before I’d managed to get a handle on myself, Helen was staring at me, and Randy stood in front of the door, blocking anyone from interrupting. But that also meant I couldn’t escape.
“H-hi, Helen,” I stammered. “What bring you by?”
She cocked her head in confusion. “We agreed to talk about a possible offensive to get the pixies back.” Her face was pale. “That’s assuming any of them made it this long. Russo says if any were still alive, they probably still are. The Huntsman knows hurting them hurts me, so he’s probably keeping them around to torment me. But I still worry.”
I reached for her hands to comfort her, then pulled back. Would she even want comfort from me?
She stared deeper into my eyes. “Justin? Is something wrong?”
I blinked. “No. Well, actually, yes.”
She shrunk down like a turtle. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For whatever’s wrong.”
That hurt me to see. “Who said it was your fault?”
She shrunk further down. “No one. It’s just . . .”
I grabbed her hands and pulled her close to me. “I’m the one who needs to say I’m sorry.”
“For?’ she squeaked.
“For everything.”
From there, my words tumbled out. “I’ve realized how horribly I treated you. I was abusive, no better than my father or yours. And I’m so unbelievably sorry about that. I never wanted to be anything like him, yet I ended up doing exactly what he did.”
She stared at me, tears gathering in her eyes.
“I’m not sure how to ever gain back your trust, but I can’t stand that my own luna shrinks away from me with unneeded apologies on her lips.” I leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry for every pain I inflicted on your body. I’m twice as sorry for every pain I caused your heart.”
I tucked my face into the crook of her neck, unable to face her anymore. “I can imagine how you feel because I think I made you feel the same way I felt after you stabbed me. Except I inflicted that on you willingly.”
My breath whispered through her hair until it fluttered and tickled my nose. “I don’t know if I’ll forgive myself,” I admitted. “I don’t know exactly how we move forward when both of us fear the other. At least to some extent. But I can’t stand being without you. Even Beowulf misses you.”
“Beowulf?” she asked.
“Yeah. I named my lycan. He and I are learning to work together as you and Joy do. One more thing my father lied about. Beowulf has a sucky personality, but he’s not an incoherent beast. And he wants you back.”