Wanderlust - Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Roan asked a lot of questions, most of which Tanden was perfectly comfortable answering. Soren seemed uneasy the entire time, but Tanden was very careful not to say something that could lead to the men figuring anything out.
They bought food eventually, when Tanden was tired of talking about himself. Co was, of course, famous for seafood. Tanden bought the whole table the most expensive food the tavern offered, breaded oysters and a large tray of crab legs. The food easily distracted the men, who weren't used to buying such pricey meals.
Once they'd eaten everything, Tanden got to his feet. His back, which he had finally been able to ignore, stung in protest. Tanden tapped Soren's shoulder. "Let's go, mate. Gentlemen, it was a pleasure. I'll order you another tray of crab legs on the way out, shall I?"
"Aye," Roan grinned. "Never eaten so well in my whole life!"
"If you didn't spend all your money on drinks maybe you'd have enough to buy food like this," Jerios taunted.
"Don't see you buyin' it," Roan shot back. "Much obliged, Cap'n."
"Not a problem," Tanden said with a smile. "I'll see you later. Enjoy your vacation."
Soren stood and the two of them made their way to the main floor of the tavern, which somehow wasn't any emptier than it had been before. Tanden leaned closer to Soren to speak, having to do so because the tavern was so loud.
"Does this place have rooms?"
Soren nodded. "Likely all booked by now."
"Go ask." Tanden took out his money and pressed it into Soren's hand. "Might as well. We'll just have to ask somewhere else otherwise. And send some more food up to the lads. I'll wait here."
Soren didn't move to accept the money. "I know your back hurts."
Tanden shrugged. "We'll be careful. Go on."
With an indulgent sigh, Soren walked over to the bar. It took some time for one of the barmaids to make her way over to him. Tanden was delighted to see Soren pass her a handful of coins after a moment, and to see her drop a key into his hand. Soren slipped it into his pocket and made his way back across the room.
"We've got to go through the back door," he said, and began walking towards the front door. Tanden followed. They left the Kipper and walked through a narrow alleyway to the back of the building. There was a burly man standing guard by the door, but he stepped aside when Soren showed him the key.
They had to walk up a creaky staircase and down a hallway before finding their room. Inside, it was actually quite nice. The bed was large and looked clean, there was a small dresser for extended stays, and a jug of water sat on the dresser with a stack of glasses. Tanden leaned against the wall, instantly regretted it, and stood up straight.
"The backdoor had me a little concerned, but this is one of the nicer tavern rooms I've seen," he commented.
"Aye, well, it's the Kipper. It's famous. Can't have bad rooms." Soren crossed the room to light the candles on the dresser.
"I suppose you make a good point. Help me take my tunic off."
Soren stepped closer to gingerly pull Tanden's tunic over his head. "You have to be careful, Captain. This needs a chance to heal a bit."
"I'm going to be careful," Tanden promised. "How does it look so far?" he desperately wanted a mirror, but there didn't seem to be one in the room. He turned around so Soren could get a look.
"Good," Soren said after a moment. "It's a little puffy right now, but that's normal. Where's that ointment?"
"It is really necessary?"
"Aye." To Tanden's surprise, Soren suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out the little container of ointment.
"Can't we do this later?" Tanden turned around to face him. "I don't want to waste time."
"No. This is important." Soren put his hands on Tanden's shoulders and turned him around. "Sometimes you've got to listen to orders, Captain."
"I listened when you told me to stop drinking," Tanden muttered grumpily, but he resigned himself to the ointment and rested his hands on the wall in front of him. The ointment was warm from being in his pocket, but he still flinched when Soren touched his back.
"Did that hurt?" Soren asked.
Tanden smiled at the concern in his voice. "No."
Soren continued to gently rub the ointment onto Tanden's back. It was actually quite pleasant, and Tanden was disappointed when he finished. He turned around and took the still open container from Soren's hand.
"What about your arms? Shouldn't we be putting this on them?"
Soren carefully undid the bandages around his arms. His skin seemed irritated, but that didn't distract Tanden from how fantastic the addition of the blue swirls looked. Taking Soren's hands, Tanden turned his arms so he could see every part of the tattoos.
"They look incredible," Tanden said finally. "I didn't think it was possible to improve on what you already had, but this is an improvement. Do you like it?" It suddenly occurred to him that he had pressed Soren into getting the touch up.
Soren nodded. "Aye, I do. Like Roan said, it's a high-class thing to do. Never thought I'd be able to afford it. Guess I still haven't."
"Don't be ridiculous. I was delighted to pay. Besides, it isn't entirely out of the question that you could have saved up for it. After all, you're a first mate in the West Draulin navy serving under a lord. Compared to most, you have a high salary."
"Reckon that's true."
"Reckon? It is true." Tanden scooped some of the ointment onto his fingers and began to apply it to the new swirls.
"Fine. It is true. Generous of you to also buy food and drinks for the lads, after paying for two tattoos."
"I'm feeling particularly rich right now, having just been home," Tanden pointed out. "I took money from West Draulin. Money I'm entitled to, mind you."
"Didn't realize there was money you were entitled to."
"Of course there is. I poured quite a bit of it into the Wanderlust and paying the crew before we started making our own money, but there's still plenty in West Draulin that's mine. Rael never disowned me so I have the same right to the family's money that any of the family does."
"Oh. I assumed you had it all with you."
Tanden shook his head. "That would be quite stupid." Finishing up with the ointment, he closed the container and slipped it into his pocket. Then he draped his arms around Soren's neck. "I'll concede that you know more about the tattoo recovery process than I do. However, this is the first night we've had together since West Draulin and that hardly counted."
"It counted," Soren protested. "It... well... it proved that you care about me more than just for sex."
Tanden let that thought settle in his mind for a moment. It certainly was true that he cared for Soren more than just physically. He'd said so during his explanation of Acell, and he'd been uncharacteristically nervous about Tandrael paying Soren too much attention. Soren was important. That he was more sure of than he was of most things in his life. He just didn't know how to say it.
"Yes." He finally settled for the one word and winced internally the moment he said it. It didn't encompass any of his feelings. He tried again. "You're right. West Draulin did count, because I do care about you for more than just sex. Although, it's been a long time. Why don't we—" he tried to tug Soren over to the bed, but Soren stood firm. Tanden frowned. "You really let me push you around, aye? I knew you were stronger than me, but—"
"Captain, not sayin' I don't want to. But your back."
Tanden sighed. "Yes, all right, I understand. I need to listen to orders. But that doesn't mean we can't have fun. Right?" He gave Soren another tug. "Come on, mate. Do you want me to beg?"
Soren glanced away. "When you were drunk... you said that you might love me."
Tanden froze. It wasn't that the words weren't real, he just hadn't even thought them to himself yet. He let go of Soren's neck and took a step backwards, trying to clear his head. "Soren. Don't get angry, mate, I just need a second to—"
"I understand. You were drunk, you didn't mean it."
"Now, I didn't say that," Tanden protested. "Love's a complicated thing, aye? Do I care about you more than I ever have for someone not related to me? Absolutely. And you interest me, certainly. But, mate, I'm erratic. And even if I wanted to settle down, I don't know that I could. And I would hate to get your hopes up just to dash them because I can't control myself."
Soren didn't move. Tanden was suddenly very aware of how solid Soren was. How incredibly loyal and patient. He wasn't someone Tanden was willing to lose.
"You aren't erratic."
Tanden felt his eyes widen in surprise. "What?"
Soren shrugged. "You were at first. But now your unpredictability is actually very predictable. For me, at least. Reckon I understand you pretty well."
"You do," Tanden nodded. "You know when to humor me and when to push back. I appreciate it, I do. But... what if I can't..."
"That's why I'm playing the game, isn't it?"
"Well, yes. But it isn't fair for me to always expect you to keep up."
"Doesn't seem hard," Soren said. "Isn't as if playing isn't worth it. I told my old captain that I loved him, but that wasn't true. I was attracted to him, but it's more than that with you. It always has been."
"Are you saying that you love me?"
Soren smiled, somehow managing to look both confident and sheepish. "I might."
"Soren."
"If you don't, I don't mind. I enjoy being your first mate and not having proper leave and spending time with you and being dragged around foreign cities. I do. Expecting a lord to love me is ridiculous, so I don't mind just being some sort of kept man."
"Soren," Tanden protested.
"Really, Captain, it's fine."
Tanden shook his head. "No. It isn't fine, because... I do love you."
Soren closed the distance between them abruptly. He put his arms around Tanden, careful to avoid too much pressure on Tanden's back, and leaned in for a kiss. Tanden wrapped his arms back around Soren's neck to keep him in place and returned the kiss with feeling. Any nervousness he'd felt during his admission dissipated almost instantly. Soren was his, and he was Soren's, and they'd both said it out loud.
Tanden had always imagined himself flickering through lovers, having a few favourites in ports here and there, but he had never imagined actually settling down. Soren was a miracle.
"Thank the Goddess I found you in Deor-Morcea," he murmured between kisses. "You're perfect."
Soren laughed. "Hardly."
"No, mate, you are." Tanden released Soren's head to take Soren's hands and lead him over to the bed. "Perfect for me. That's a fact, so you'd better just accept it." He nudged Soren to sit down.
"Well... reckon you're not drunk right now, so you're tellin' the truth."
"I always tell the truth."
"Do you?"
Tanden sat down next to him. "Aye, I always tell the truth."
"You said you don't keep secrets from your men," Soren pointed out.
"You're hardly a secret. I haven't been subtle, and it isn't my fault if they haven't caught on." Tanden lay a hand on Soren's chest and gave him a gentle push to make him lie down. "Before you say it again, I know, we need to be careful. I'll be careful."
"You tend to be a bit reckless, Captain," Soren said. He didn't lay down, but he backed up to sit at the head of the bed. "Maybe we should just take it easy for now."
"Mate, don't pretend that you don't want this," Tanden said.
"I'm not pretending. I'm just trying to protect you."
"Well... that is endearing. Most people just worry about pleasing me."
"Isn't that what you like about me?"
Tanden smiled. "Aye, that's true." He moved up beside Soren and lay down on his side. After a moment, Soren did the same so they were face to face. "I think, by hiring you, I've probably extended my lifespan quite a bit. Who else is willing to stop me from doing idiotic things?"
"Your family?"
"Obviously, but they're not going to follow me around the world, are they?" Tanden propped himself up on his left arm so that he could lean over Soren and kiss him. He hooked his right arm behind Soren's head and lightly held his hair.
After some time had passed, Soren gently pushed him away and sat up. Tanden followed his gaze. "I thought you said we had to be— oh. Soren." He sat up too quickly and winced. "Remember what I said. I don't reciprocate."
"You have reciprocated."
"You don't remember. I could have lied."
Soren rolled his eyes. "You didn't lie. You always tell the truth, remember? Said it yourself. Besides, right now I don't want you to reciprocate."
"Of course you do."
"Let me do this for you." Soren moved to the other end of the bed before Tanden could stop him, and settled down on his knees between Tanden's legs. "Captain? Let me do this."
Tanden was still sitting up. Ignoring the fresh stinging in his back, he shuffled forward so he could grab Soren around the shoulders and kiss him again. "I'm not going to stop you. But I'll feel bad about you not getting a chan—"
"That isn't the point, Captain. I want to do it. Here," Soren paused and had to shrug off Tanden's arms in order to pull his tunic over his head.
Tanden narrowed his eyes. "If you think that distracting me with your tattoo is going to work, then you know me too well."
Soren grinned. "Relax, Captain, just don't lie on your back. You can sit up. And don't worry, I'll enjoy this. How do you think I got so good?"
"You told me you'd only done it a few times."
"Seems like I lied," Soren said, cocking an eyebrow. Tanden recognized the expression and wondered when exactly Soren had picked it up, or if he even noticed doing it. Soren glanced down to unbuckle Tanden's belt and start undoing the laces on his pants.
Tanden watched him at first, but then his gaze trailed away from Soren's hands, to his newly tattooed forearms, and up to his shoulders. He traced a hand over Soren's chest lightly, quite enjoying the firmness of it. He stopped to flick Soren's nipple, which got Soren's attention.
"Ever considered getting your chest done? That's normal, isn't it?"
"Not as normal as backs."
"But still relatively co—" Tanden cut himself off as Soren finally finished untying the laces and slipped his hand under Tanden's pants. Tanden moved his hand from Soren's chest to once again tangle in his hair. "Soren, mate..."
"Relax." Soren gave him a brief kiss on the lips, then adjusted so he could comfortably lie on the bed. Tanden's hand remained in his hair.
Tanden quickly realized that Soren could be quite the tease when we wanted to be. Tanden would have closed his eyes, but he had the perfect view of Soren's tattoo. His gaze got lost in the swirls while his mind got lost in Soren's ministrations.
All too soon it was over. Tanden's grip on Soren's hair tightened, as he had to consciously remind himself not to collapse backwards onto the bed. After a moment Soren gently pulled Tanden into his arms.
Tanden relaxed against him and rested his forehead on Soren's shoulder. "You fucking bastard," he muttered eventually. "You can do that—you like doing that—and you haven't been? What about West Draulin! What about every night on the Wanderlust?"
Tanden felt Soren laugh. "Had to make sure I wasn't just a toy."
"I told you you weren't a toy," Tanden said, exasperated.
"Aye, but I still had to be sure. Now that you've said that you love me—"
"I said it in West Draulin."
"Didn't count, Captain. This time it did."
Tanden raised his head. "I'm exceedingly annoyed that you've been keeping this a secret."
"No you're not." Soren let go of him to climb off of the bed and pull off the rest of his clothing. "You'll probably want to lie on your stomach."
Tanden wasn't tired, but he kicked off his boots and pants anyway and lay down. "I want to have proper sex."
Soren settled down beside him. "So do I, but tomorrow your back will be bothering you even more so you need to get enough sleep tonight." Soren pulled up the blankets and lightly draped them over Tanden's back. Then he lay on his side, facing Tanden. "Thank you. For loving me."
"Don't be ridiculous."
Soren smiled. "I love you."
"You're still a bastard," Tanden said.
"Aye, maybe. But you love me."
"Reckon I do."