Wanderlust - Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Tanden started kissing him the moment the chamber door shut, and as usual Soren was happy to oblige. Tanden pushed him against the wall beside the door, his hands twisted in Soren's tunic.
Tanden suddenly stepped back, but kept his hand on Soren's chest to stop him from following. Soren could have pushed away his arm easily, but he didn't. Instead he waited and watched Tanden's face. He was deep in thought, not really looking at anything. Finally he spoke. "Soren?"
"Aye?"
"Why don't you use my name?" Tanden met his gaze. "I hadn't really noticed, to be honest, but now that Tandar's pointed it out... You know you're allowed to, don't you?"
Soren nodded. "Of course."
"So then why don't you?"
Soren took a deep breath and then exhaled, just to give himself a moment to think. "Well... it just never occurred to me, I suppose. You essentially owned me at first, what with me working to pay off my debt, I couldn't call you by name back then. And once I'd finally paid off my debt, you were still my Captain, so that's how I addressed you. I know things have changed since then..." he glanced pointedly at Tanden's hand, still firmly gripping his tunic. "But you're still my Captain... and my Lord... and you deserve to be addressed as such."
"I've told you time and time again that I'm not your Lord."
"But you are," Soren protested. He gestured at the room around them. "I'm from West Draulin. That makes your family my lords, as it were, and you especially. You're a lord. And you're mine."
"Well... I like that distinction," Tanden said, but he still didn't seem convinced. "Say my name."
"Captain Tanden."
"No, just my name."
Soren hesitated. "Tanden."
"Thank you. Now was that so hard?"
Soren shook his head. "No. But I'd like to keep calling you Captain."
Tanden sighed. "Even privately?"
"Aye."
Tanden cocked his eyebrow. "Very well, have it your way. Come on." He tugged gently on Soren's tunic, and Soren let himself be led over to the bed.
Soren had trouble falling asleep. He drifted in and out of a light sleep for a while, but never for very long. He lay on his back, watching the moon slowly drift by outside. His mind was racing, no matter how much he tried to calm it. Soren wasn't sure what would come of Lord West Draulin and Lord Tandar knowing about their relationship, and it worried him. Although they seemed welcoming enough, there were so many possibilities. Maybe they wouldn't turn him away or banish him, but what if they insisted on giving him a title? Or making Tanden marry him?
Soren came to a sudden decision—going for a quick walk might calm his mind. Beside him, Tanden was deeply asleep, his arm draped over Soren's stomach. Soren gently nudged his arm aside, and Tanden barely stirred.
As quietly as he could, Soren pulled on his clothing from the day before. He could tell from the position of the moon that it was past midnight, that weird time of night which could be considered either a late night or an early morning. He walked over to the door but paused before pushing it open. He knew the guard outside by sight only, Tanden had said something to him the evening before, something that made it clear the knight already knew about Tanden's habits. Still, Soren felt nervous. He steeled himself and slipped out into the hallway.
The guard glanced him over quickly, but it didn't seem to be in a judgemental way.
"Just goin' for a walk," Soren said. He whispered because it felt wrong to speak up in the silent hallway. Then he suddenly wondered how soundproof the walls were, and whether or not the knight had heard them earlier. He felt his cheeks redden at the thought and thanked the torchlight for making his blush harder to see.
"Is he asleep?" the knight asked, shaking Soren from his thoughts.
Soren nodded. He waited, expecting the knight to say something else. But the knight went silent, and after a moment Soren decided he could go. He walked down the hallway, back towards the staircase. Every doorway along the hall led to one of the Tandrans' chambers, and every doorway had a guard. Soren regretted his idea to go for a walk every time he had to pass one of the guards, but somehow backtracking felt even more embarrassing.
None of the guards talked to him, just eyed him briefly. Finally he reached the staircase and went down to the next floor. Soren decided he would walk down this hallway and then head back up to Tanden's chamber. Maybe by then walking past all the guards wouldn't feel so intimidating.
He started down the empty hallway and let himself get lost in thought. Not paying attention, he turned a corner and didn't stop in time to avoid crashing into a girl. One of the tankards she was holding slipped, and Soren's hand flew out to catch it. He did, but sideways, and the drink ran over his hand, soaking his sleeve.
"I'm so sorry, sir," the girl stammered, taking the tankard from him. "I didn't—"
"No, lass, my fault." Soren smiled, trying to reassure her, and shook his wet arm. "Where are you—"
The door behind him creaked open. Soren glanced over his shoulder, expecting a guard, but it was Lord West Draulin. He wasn't wearing the regalia from dinner, instead just a simple tunic. "Lyna, are you..." Then he noticed Soren standing there and he smiled. "Ah, Soren. What are you doing up?"
Soren felt tongue-tied. Nothing could have prepared him for running into Lord West Draulin in the middle of the night. "I... uh... couldn't sleep."
"Hmm. Well, come in. I can take that, Lyna, thank you." He took both tankards from her.
"I spilled it," Soren said quickly, suddenly afraid that he was going to get Lyna in trouble.
Lord Tandrael shrugged. "No harm done. We should probably drink less, anyway." Nonchalant, he poured half of the ale into the empty tankard. "Goodnight, Lyna."
"Goodnight, my lord," she murmured before disappearing down the hallway.
Soren watched her go, then followed Lord Tandrael into the sitting room. It was cozier than he had expected, with comfortable chairs pulled up next to a gently burning fire. Above the fire there was a large painting. A man standing with his hands on the shoulders of two boys, next to a woman holding a baby.
Lord Tandrael must have followed his gaze. "Father had that painted shortly after Tanden was born, to replace the old family portrait. Nobody expected a third son so long after we'd been born. There was great concern over mother's health. But she pulled through."
"She was a tough woman."
Soren gave a start at the second voice and realized suddenly that Tandar was in the room, reclining in one of the chairs near the fire.
Lord Tandrael chuckled. "She certainly was." He handed his brother one of the tankards and sat down. "Join us, Soren."
Soren tentatively pulled another chair closer to the fire and sat down. The brothers were talking about the incident with the ale. To distract himself from his discomfort, Soren rolled up his damp sleeve. Only when he heard his name did he realize Lord Tandrael was talking to him.
"—Soren. I hope you know that we're not trying to ambush you."
"Of course, my lord," Soren replied hurriedly.
"You have tattoos," Tandar commented. Soren was puzzled until it occurred to him that he'd rolled up his sleeve. "Tanden must appreciate those," Tandar continued with a chuckle. "He loves tattoos."
Soren smiled, despite his nervousness. "I've noticed."
"One of these days he's going to come home with one of his own," Tandar said. He gulped down some of his ale, then his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "He already has, hasn't he?"
Soren tried not to react, but in doing so, inadvertently reacted. He was torn between loyalty to Tanden and not wanting to lie to the lords. Tanden hadn't wanted them to know, but since they were already suspicious, what was the harm in telling the truth? Besides, the brothers already accepted so much about Tanden, they would certainly accept a tattoo. "Aye," he admitted, after a long pause. "Got it on Crele."
"Of course he did. Where is it?" Tandar asked.
"On his back. It's quite elegant," Soren hurried to say. "It's the word wanderlust, surrounded by the usual waves. He wanted it somewhere he could easily hide."
"I suppose not many people are going to see his back," Lord Tandrael agreed. "Honestly, I'm not the least bit surprised. He's always been fascinated by Crelan culture. Any culture, really. Aside for our own."
Soren nodded. "He knows a lot," he said, then second guessing himself, added, "He clearly does a lot of research before arriving somewhere new."
Tandrael laughed. "Oh, of course he does. Our parents used to worry that he had no ambitions, but nothing could be further from the truth. He simply doesn't care for the niceties of court or the obedience required for the army. He's smart. Smarter than Tandar and I combined, I'd say. And he's certainly more charming than either of us."
"Don't let him hear you say that," Tandar grumbled, gulping down the last of his ale. "He's cocky enough as is."
"I'll admit, I was disappointed when he declined being an ambassador, but I wasn't surprised. Doing so would involve courts and schedules, and from my understanding he prefers to explore the cities and mingle with the people."
"He does," Soren agreed. "I don't think he wants to see the polished, high class versions of the places we visit. He wants to see what's real." Something else occurred to him suddenly. "And the way he was talking at dinner, he doesn't actually talk like that."
"Of course he doesn't," Tandrael said. "He was putting on the accent to bother us. He's very good at doing that, isn't he? He knows how to use language to change how people behave towards him. I'm sure he throws in the occasional Crelan word while talking to you and your crew."
Tanden definitely did. Soren had never though much of it, assuming he had just picked up the habit from being around so many Crelans.
Soren must have nodded unintentionally, because Tandrael kept speaking. "Exactly. He's very intentional when he speaks. Most of what he says is well thought out and calculated, although he slips up when he's talking to people he feels close to."
Soren nodded. "Aye. I mean... reckon he slips up with me."
Tandrael smiled. "He's never really had friends, did you know that? Oh, everyone loves him, and he gets along with most people. But he's never had anyone who could truly be considered his friend."
"I suppose there was Acell, for a while," Tandar said, with a deep chuckle. "I still can't believe that Tanden didn't think we knew. You've heard the story, Soren?" He paused and Soren nodded, but he continued anyway. "I honestly did think he was in trouble when I kicked down the door, and we were surprised by what we saw, of course. But it wasn't as if we didn't know. Tanden thought—still thinks, maybe—that that was the moment we realized that he enjoyed the company of men, but it wasn't. We'd known for years."
For a moment the two brothers laughed at the memory, then Tandrael continued, "To be fair, we didn't know the specifics, but we had our suspicions. I suppose you're right in saying that Acell was a friend. And so was Tanden's original first mate. However, Tanden never introduced us to his old first mate, and he would have never invited Acell to join us during a meal. What I'm trying to say, Soren, is that I'm glad he's found you. He needs someone with common sense to keep him in line."
"Someone he might actually listen to," Tandar added.
"Preferably," Tandrael agreed.
It seemed like hours had passed before they finished talking and went upstairs to their rooms. The brothers bid Soren goodnight and slipped quietly into their chambers. Soren felt the guards' eyes on him as he walked further down the hall to Tanden's room. It was a different guard, but like the first, he simply eyed Soren and nodded.
Soren entered the room as quietly as he could. He stripped off his boots and clothing before climbing back into the bed, trying his best to not disturb Tanden. Despite his caution, as he was settling down, Tanden sleepily rolled over.
"Where were you?" he mumbled, without opening his eyes.
"With your brothers," Soren admitted.
"Why?"
"They told me to keep you in line."
"Hmm... not surprised." Tanden slung his arm across Soren's chest. When he said nothing else, it was clear he'd drifted back to sleep.
Soren smiled to himself, shifted a little to get more comfortable, and closed his eyes.