Wanderlust - Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Tanden almost forgot about the family dinner. Getting Soren back to the Wanderlust had been trying enough, buying him a nice outfit was a completely different matter. It just didn't seem important anymore. By the time the door to his quarters had swung closed, Tanden had already slipped his hands under Soren's tunic and was trying to pull it over his head.
Soren helped him pull it off and toss it aside, and they clumsily ended up against the wall. Tanden kissed him roughly, one hand tangled in Soren's hair and the other on his neck. Soren's arms were at Tanden's waist.
Tanden couldn't have kept track of how long they kissed, even if he'd tried. But they'd certainly been at it for a while when suddenly Tanden really thought about what he'd just done. With a groan, he rested his forehead on Soren's shoulder. Soren's arms slipped behind his body, holding him there.
"I might have overreacted."
Soren scoffed. "Might have?"
Tanden raised his head to meet Soren's gaze. "I'm theatrical, all right? And... I hate that man. I'm sorry. I know you tried to stop me." He kissed Soren's lips, then trailed a couple more down his jaw.
Soren tightened his arms. "You've never been like that before," he said, and it sounded like he was afraid Tanden would be insulted.
Tanden sighed. He knew exactly why Toliver had made him so angry, and it wasn't just because of how he'd treated Soren. He pushed away from Soren, took a few steps back, and crossed his arms. "Right. So... I can give you an explanation, of sorts. But I don't know if it'll make much sense." He was close to his desk, so he backed up a few more steps and sat on it. "I knew, the second he stepped up beside me. The instant he spoke. I understood why you fell for him."
"Because I was young and stupid," Soren said. He moved to take the desk chair and pull it around to be in front of Tanden. "I admired him for years. I thought he was this dashing, powerful captain. I was wrong."
"You weren't, though. He probably was those things."
"Don't say you were jealous."
Tanden shook his head. "No, absolutely not. But I recognized myself in him, and that's what annoyed me. He's arrogant and handsome, and I don't doubt for a second that he can be charming, given a chance. He thought he was better than me, for no reason other than I was standing on his ship. And I guess I saw all of that, and I saw myself, and I snapped."
"You aren't like him," Soren said after a moment. He looked down at his hands, which he was rubbing together distractedly, like he was nervous. "There are similarities. There are things I found attractive in him that I find attractive in you. But you're so much more than he is. Everything I thought I liked about him I found in you, but with you it's all real. I keep learning new things about you, and us, and this game. And the more I learn, the more I realize that my feelings for Toliver were nothing more than hopeless infatuation. I was confused about myself, and I think somehow that confusion lead me to misinterpreting my friendship with him. He was friendly. Maybe I thought... I don't know, that if his friendliness meant something else, I'd understand myself."
Tanden didn't know what to say. He'd calmed down, the burning anger at Captain Toliver had passed. He still hated the man, always would, and he still didn't like the similarities he'd noticed. But Soren didn't think they were the same, and that fact alone was enough to make him feel better.
He had been quiet long enough that Soren spoke up, as if the silence made him uncomfortable. "I didn't fall in love with you because you reminded me of him. I forgot about him when I met you. He didn't mean anything after that."
Tanden nodded. "I know, mate. I don't think that," he promised. "I'm just annoyed. How different would things have been if you had worked for me from the start?"
Soren glanced up. "I was a child. I don't reckon you would have been very interested in me."
"No, not at first," Tanden agreed. "But if you pined after me for six years, I would have noticed, and I would have eventually returned the attention, once you were older. And you wouldn't have had to be confused, because I've never been very subtle. You would have seen me flirt with men and you would've known you weren't alone."
"Aye, reckon you would have corrupted me a little earlier," Soren said, with a slight smile.
"I haven't corrupted you."
Soren ran a hand through his hair, and even that simple action distracted Tanden. "No? Do you think a year ago I would have been capable of dragging you behind a stack of crates?"
"A year ago I wouldn't have let you," Tanden pointed out. "We've both changed."
"You didn't let me."
"Oh, are we going to start that again?" Tanden asked. "I thought we agreed that you weren't really in control."
"Aye, but you had no control over the initial action," Soren said simply. "Even now, if I wanted to, I could drag you over to the bed and chain you to it again. You wouldn't be physically letting me. Whereas when you push me around, I let that happen."
Tanden rolled his eyes. "All right, all right. I'll give you that. You know, not many people would dare manhandle a lord. Although, I'll willing to bet there are plenty of people who would love to be manhandled by a lord."
"Aye, well, you aren't usually a lord around me," Soren said. "I guess you already know how terrifying you are when you really put on your title, but—"
"You thought I was terrifying?" Tanden asked, starting to feel guilty again. "I wasn't even trying to scare you."
Soren shrugged. "I can't explain it. I wasn't scared of you, but I could see why anyone else would be. I just..." he paused and glanced down at his hands again. "Don't think too much on it, but I almost wanted you to drag me into Toliver's cabin right there and then. I would've done anything for you. You were mesmerizing."
The guilt vanished. "I see," Tanden said slowly. "So the lord act is a turn on for you, then? Maybe I should do it more often." He hopped off of the desk and motioned for Soren to stand up. "I can do that."
"It wasn't that simple," Soren said, as he got to his feet. "Bossing me around won't be the same."
Tanden ran his hands across Soren's chest, already distracted from their conversation. "Hmm... what?"
"It wasn't an act. You weren't pretending to be angry and powerful."
"Fair enough." Tanden slid his hands over Soren's shoulders and tugged him closer. "But as your captain, aren't I always powerful?"
"Not the same thing, and you know it."
Tanden smirked. "Fine. I just like knowing that you enjoyed it. Next time I'll remember that and take better advantage of the situation." He paused for a quick kiss. "You're fascinating."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are," Tanden corrected. "You just said you liked the show of authority, but at the same time you've started to experiment with our power dynamic—and you're doing a good job of it. When you had me pinned against those crates, well, I'll admit, I might've done anything for you. And that's not a feeling I'm familiar with."
"Part of the game, aye?" Soren said. "So... aren't we supposed to be buying me something nice to wear to dinner?"
Tanden frowned. Soren was right, of course, but that was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about at the moment. With an annoyed grunt he pushed Soren away. "I guess my brothers would be annoyed with me if we skipped the dinner I insist we have. And dressing you up in something expensive should be fun."
Soren picked up his discarded tunic and slipped it on. "Just imagine how much fun you'll have taking it off of me tonight."
"That's a very good point," Tanden agreed, with a grin.
"I'd like to rip that off of you right now." Tanden stopped outside of the doors. The only guard around was Acell, who had been waiting at the citadal's gate for him, looking annoyed. The knight had tried to lecture Tanden on the importance of telling his guard where he'd be, but of course Tanden hadn't listened.
Soren was wearing a dark blue tunic with silver embroidery along the cuffs and collar, a black leather vest, and a belt with a big buckle that seemed like it was for nothing but decoration. It wasn't a particularly fancy outfit, but it was more expensive than anything he would have picked out for himself. Soren was actually a little surprised Tanden hadn't gotten more elaborate.
Tanden had his jacket on, but he'd made an attempt to clean up by fixing his hair and trimming his beard. Not that it mattered to Soren. As far as he was concerned, Tanden always looked good.
He suddenly realized Tanden was waiting for a reply, and he shrugged. "Reckon you'll have to be patient."
Tanden moved quickly, pulling Soren closer for a kiss. Then a second one. Soren had to gently push him away.
"Will that tide you over?"
Tanden smirked. "Oh, I doubt that. But it's better than nothing."
Behind them, Acell cleared his throat. "Sir, you know very well that your brothers are waiting for you."
Tanden glanced over at him. "Acell, what if instead of trying to manage me, which you've never been good at anyway, you join us in my chamber?"
"Sir—" Acell started to argue.
"Captain," Soren interrupted patiently, "You're being an idiot." Maybe Acell had never been good at managing Tanden, but Soren had certainly figured it out. "There's no reason to be nervous. We're eating with your family."
"I never said I was nervous," Tanden grumbled.
"Aye, right. You didn't have to."
Tanden managed to look annoyed for a moment. "It's not that, mate. This is the first time I'm presenting you as an equal to the entire family. I don't know how much Brilana knows, or the children. I'm worried about messing this up somehow, that's all."
"You'll do fine," Soren said. "We'll do fine." He meant it, too. After seeing Tanden's reaction to Toliver, Soren was pretty confident he could handle any noble.
"I know," Tanden agreed. He finally turned towards the door, but hesitated once again before pushing it open. "I apologize, Acell. You weren't terrible at managing me." He took a deep breath, then pushed the door open, his usual confident grin in place. "Rael, Tandar, ladies—sorry I'm late."
Soren exchanged a quick glance with Acell. "He had an odd morning," he said, by way of apology.
The knight shrugged. "I may not have been good at managing him, but I remember his moods. No harm done. Go ahead." He gestured at the doorway.
Soren stepped through and walked over to the table. It was square, with the brothers and their wives sitting across from each other. The boys and their cousin Tilana were sitting on one side, but the littlest girl was on a special chair beside her mother. Tanden had his hands resting on the back of one of the free chairs. Quietly, Soren sat down in the last chair, across from the young Lord Tandrix.
He wasn't afraid, but he was definitely nervous. Lord Tandrael was sitting to his right, and he nodded a greeting. "Soren, I'm glad you could join us. Tanden, stop wasting time and sit down."
Tanden sat with a dramatic sigh. "Sometimes I feel like you pick on me more than you pick on Tandar."
Tandar laughed. "That's because he does, little brother. I'm respectable, there's no reason to pick on me."
"I disagree," Tanden replied. "And I take offence to the implication that I'm not respectable."
Tandar shook his head. "I'm fairly certain you go out of your way to avoid being respectable."
Tanden grinned. "Maybe sometimes, but that's because I want to have some fun while I'm still young."
The bickering helped ease Soren's nervousness, as it always did. It made the family seem more normal and real, unlike the cold aloof nobles everyone always imagined. Tanden and Tandar didn't even stop when the food was wheeled out by a handful of servants. They worked quickly, slipping plates in front of everyone and filling their glasses with wine. Even the children were given wine, although Soren was interested to notice that their wine was watered down. He was also surprised to hear the Tandrans thank the servants. Even Tanden and Tandar, in the middle of their teasing.
When his plate was put down, Soren glanced up to thank the servant, and was surprised when he recognized the girl. She had been the girl delivering ale to the lords when he'd run into her. Her name came to him suddenly. "Lyna—thank you. This looks delicious." It really did. His plate was piled high with a thick slice of beef and roasted vegetables. Soren had nothing against fish, but sometimes it was nice to eat something that hadn't lived in the ocean.
Lyna smiled. "I'll pass your compliments to the cook, sir."
He wanted to protest the title, but she was already disappearing with the other servants. He didn't realize he had stared after her until he felt Tanden nudge him with his foot, and he sheepishly turned his attention to the food.
They ate the first few bites in silence, until Tandrael said, "So Tanden, how did it go with that captain?"
"Oh, fine," Tanden replied, as if it had been nothing. "He won't be causing any more trouble."
"Thank you for handling it."
"Any time," Tanden said. Underneath the table, he pressed his leg against Soren's. Soren did his best to not react and ate more of his food.
"Tanden," Lady Brilana spoke up. "Tandar was telling me about your plans. You're going to Sunland?"
And for the rest of the meal, nobody got a word in edgewise. Tanden excitedly talked about his plans, barely pausing to eat. Soren would have called it cute, if the word hadn't seemed so wrong for Tanden. He listened as Tanden listed the places he hoped to visit, and the languages he would have to learn first, and the goods he wanted to pick up.
Before long, dinner was over and they had eaten delicious cakes for dessert. The children were herded away to get ready for bed, and the topic of conversation changed. To Soren's surprise, it was Lady Brilana who switched over the discussion.
"Tanden, introduce me to your guest properly."
Tanden had been going on about the importance of local traditions, and he looked startled to be cut off. "Oh, haven't I? Sorry, Brilana. This is Soren, my first mate."
She dabbed at her mouth with her napkin. "Properly," she repeated.
"Oh..." Tanden glanced at Soren. "Lady Brilana, allow me to introduce Soren. My partner."
She smiled. "Finally! I've known for days, you ridiculous young man. Tandar told me all about you years ago, and when I heard you were dragging a handsome Crelan around with you there was only one conclusion to arrive at. Soren, it truly is lovely to finally meet you."
Soren was caught off guard, both by the handsome Crelan remark and by being directly addressed. "Uh... yes. It's an honour, my lady."
"There's no need for that," Brilana said.
"Yes, Soren," Clairia agreed. "Even without an official title, as Tanden's partner you're part of this family and you're welcome to use our names."
"Aye," Soren mumbled, then grimaced internally at how stupid that sounded.
"All right, you're making him uncomfortable," Tanden interrupted.
"Oh, he's fine," Brilana said. "You have excellent manners, Soren. Clairia and I aren't trying to make you uncomfortable, we're simply trying to welcome you."
Soren nodded. For a second he thought of the way Tanden had lorded over Toliver, and how different the ladies were being. He collected his thoughts. "I understand, Lady Brilana. It'll simply take me some time to get used to interacting with you. I assure you, I don't think you're trying to be rude or make me feel unwelcome. It's just that... well," he faltered. "You're Tandrans."
The ladies exchanged a smile. "You're as much a Tandran as we are," Clairia said.
Soren met her gaze, unaware until that moment that he'd been avoiding it. "I... I reckon that's true."
Tanden cleared his throat. "Good, now that we've gotten all of that out of the way." He started to lean over, clearly going for a kiss, but stopped when Tandrael coughed pointedly. "What? The children are gone."
His brother ignored his complaint. "Are you staying here tonight, or going back to your ship?"
"Oh," Tanden grinned and draped his arm over the back of Soren's chair. "That depends on how soundproof you think the walls are."
There was stunned silence around the table. Soren shot him a glare.
"Really?" Tandar sighed. "In front of the ladies?"
Tanden shrugged. "What? I plan to practice my sea shanties all night, and I would feel terrible if I kept you up." The brothers were clearly unamused, making Soren wish he had the power to anticipate Tanden's words and stop him from talking.
Clairia leaned forward. "Oh, sing us a shanty, then."
Tanden looked at her blankly. "What?"
"You must know some, surely. As worldly and in tune with different cultures are you are."
"Of course I know some," Tanden hurried to reply. "I just don't usually sing them."
"Ah," Clairia nodded as if that made all the sense in the world. "That's why you plan to practice."
"You know, you throw me off quite a bit when you indulge my lie like that."
Clairia laughed. "I know. It's fun."
"Right, well," Tanden stood up abruptly. "Soren and I are going to retire to my chamber. I'll try not to sing too loudly. Let's go, Soren."
Soren got up, but didn't immediately follow Tanden as he strolled towards the door. "Um... I'm sorry. He, uh..."
Tandrael waved. "As I told you in the tavern, we know our little bother. Don't feel the need to apologize on his behalf. Maybe just try to settle him down a bit."
Despite his embarrassment, Soren smiled. "I don't know that that's possible."
"No, maybe not," Tandrael agreed. "Regardless, you're a good influence on him."
"Perfect, everybody loves Soren." Tanden was leaning in the doorway. "Come on, mate. Good night Clairia, Brilana. Brothers."
"Good night," they echoed back in nearly perfect unison.
Soren got the feeling that after they left, the brothers and their wives would continue talking about him. But there wasn't anything he could do about that, so he joined Tanden at the door.
When the door to Tanden's chamber swung shut behind them, Tanden nodded towards the bed. "Go sit down."
Soren gave him an odd look. "I thought you wanted to rip everything off of me," he commented, but he did as he was told and sat at the end of the bed. "So?"
"I've got something for you," Tanden said. He had wanted to do this in front of his family, but in the moment he'd lost his nerve and he was already annoyed at himself. There was no reason to wait any longer. He walked over to the bed to sit beside Soren. "I saw this when you were looking at clothing. It's not—I'm not trying to say anything with it, I just wanted to get you a gift." He hated how he was rambling, so he stopped himself and reached into his pocket.
It was a thick ring made of dark metal, but the part that had really caught Tanden's eye was the silver compass rose imbedded on the top. It sat heavily on Tanden's palm, until Soren gently picked it up.
"I know we're not... conventional," Tanden continued. "But that doesn't mean I can't buy you gifts, right? If you don't like it—"
"I like it." Soren slipped the ring onto his right ring finger. It seemed to fit perfectly. He wiggled his fingers and smiled. "I'll never say no to gifts, Captain. What good is being with someone rich if I can't get anything out of it?"
"So that's it, then? You're with me because of my money and power?"
"Reckon that's a good part of it," Soren agreed with a smile. "You're also very attractive. That helps."
Tanden nudged him. "Right, well, joking aside, you mean more to me than anyone ever has, Soren. I know I'm a handful, today proves that. And I know I have some crazy ideas about our future. But I love you. Nobody's ever tried to keep up with me before, but you're not just keeping up, you're pushing me." He glanced at the bandage around his wrist. "I was going to give that to you during dinner, but... well. You could tell I was off. You always can. That's why I need you. I guess I just wanted to make sure you know how important you are."
Soren fiddled with the ring, twisting it around his finger comfortably, like it had always been there. "I love you, too. Trust me, I know how important I am. Kinda doubt you could function without me around."
"That might be true."
"Well, are you going to tear these clothes off of me now, or do I have to do it myself?" Soren slid futher back on the bed and lay down. "Except, don't take off the ring."
Tanden grinned. "Never."