Wanderlust - Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Acell had drawn his sword. It was more of an instinctual reaction than an actual threat, and when he saw who was standing further down the pier, he froze. Tanden waved a hand at him.
"Put it away, I'd never ask you to attack Lord West Draulin on my behalf."
"You can go. I'll try to hold them back."
Tanden smiled at him, touched by his loyalty. "No, I'll hear them out. They're my brothers. They'll understand." He wished he believed that. "Get Soren into the boat."
Acell hesitated for a moment, but he listened. Tanden crossed his arms and waited for his brothers to get closer. They were alone, save for Roland following a few steps behind. There were no guards. Still, Tanden felt his resolve waver as they stepped up in front of him. Usually, he could read their expressions easily enough, but there was so much going on.
There was one question that seemed easy enough to ask. "How did you know?"
"Roland saw Atricell and Vosh together, and rightly assumed you were up to something," Tandrael replied. He was still dressed in all his finery, and he looked more exhausted than Tanden had ever seen him. Behind him, Roland also looked tired, like he'd been running around the port since the fire started.
Tandar's tunic and skin were dark with soot. He must have tried to stop the fire on the Hiraeth. Tanden met his gaze quickly, nervously, and then dropped it just as quickly.
"Did you manage to find—"
"No," Tandar interrupted. "We obviously couldn't stop the fire, so I couldn't exactly look for the man you murdered."
Tanden winced. "You would have done the same, for Brilana." He looked at Tandrael, desperate for some sort of agreement. "Or for Clairia. Or the children. I love him, as much as you love your wives. It was a volatile reaction, I know. If it was just about me I'd stay, and I'd try to face the consequences. I'm not flighty. But I know how this looks."
"So tell us how it looks," Tandrael said.
"It looks like I had Soren commit treason, and when he failed I finished the job myself," Tanden said. "I killed one of the two men who could prove that it isn't the case, and the other is long gone. So Soren would be arrested, and if he wasn't executed he would die in prison anyway. And me..." he hesitated. "It would be harder, with me. But if you tried to defend me you'd drag our family down, and I can't let that happen."
Tandrael shook his head. "Tanden—"
"No, Rael, listen to me," Tanden said firmly. "If a prominent member of the Tandran family was accused of treason, you know as well as I do how it would look on the family. You could lose the city, if things escalated far enough. Tandar would certainly lose his standing in the king's guard, because how could the king trust him? Let alone the fact that I kissed Soren in plain sight. People will talk, there will be rumours. So it's easier if I leave. Then you can distance yourself from me. Even if the king is angry enough to send people after me, they'll never be able to catch me."
His brothers exchanged a glance, and Tanden could tell his words had gotten through to them. It was Tandar who finally spoke.
"You're talking about exiling yourself, forever, for your Crelan? I'm sorry to doubt you, little brother, but... are you sure he isn't just your latest fascination? What happens if you move on to someone else?"
"I'm not going to." Tanden had never been so certain about something. "He means as much to me as you do. As much as the ladies and the children do. He's part of my family. But I know you'll be fine without me. I can't say the same for Soren."
"But will you be fine without us?" Tandar asked. "Mother and father always told us we had to look out for you."
Tanden nodded. "I know. But you're not failing them by letting me go. I did this," he gestured at the port and the flames. "I'm trying to do what's best, for Soren, and for our family. What's best for the family is if I'm out of the way. Maybe... maybe in a few years, if things have settled down enough, I can come back. Goddess knows I'm not planning on just vanishing. I'll write letters, I'll send you packages."
"You're terrible at writing letters to us," Tandrael pointed out. "You never write."
"I'll start," Tanden promised. "Please let me go."
Tandar pulled Tanden into one of his typical bone-crushing hugs. "We will get this sorted out, little brother. So don't sail too far away."
Tandrael's hug was gentler. "We love you."
"I love you," Tanden replied. He felt his bother's arms loosen, but didn't move, and after a moment Tandrael's arms looped around him again. Then Tandar draped himself over them both.
In his brothers' arms, it was harder to imagine leaving. Tanden was hit with a sudden certainty that he would never see them again. He wasn't sure what had prompted the thought, but he couldn't make it go away. It made letting go that much harder.
When he finally did, he had to take a step out of reach to prevent himself from latching onto them again. In an attempt to distract himself, he glanced over at Roland.
"I'm glad you figured me out, mate. Thank you for bringing them to see me. And I apologize if the Queen was damaged. You can take some of my money for repairs."
"She's fine, lad. I got her out of the way early."
"I'm glad to hear it," Tanden said sincerely. Then, with a curt nod, he turned and walked towards the rowboat.
Vosh and Soren were sitting in it, and Acell was standing nearby, looking at a loss for what he should be doing. Tanden stopped in front of him and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Acell." He gave the knight a quick kiss on the cheek, and smiled at Acell's startled expression. "I'd ask you to join me, but that didn't work last time. Rael, don't punish him."
"I'd never punish a loyal man for following orders," Tandrael replied.
Tanden flashed one last grin at the four men on the pier, and hopped into the rowboat.
Climbing up the side of the Wanderlust was somehow not as painful as Soren had expected. Ivern met him at the top, and helped pull him over the edge. His eyes widened as he took in Soren's rough appearance. "What happened?"
"Not entirely sure," Soren admitted. He leaned back against the bulwark and closed his eyes to collect himself. His head still hurt, and the rocking of the ship wasn't exactly helping. But it was a manageable pain.
"Is that Vosh with the captain?"
Soren opened his eyes a crack. "Oh... he was the first mate. I couldn't remember." Having solved one mystery, however small, kind of made him feel better. He closed his eyes again, and didn't open them until he heard Tanden climb onto the deck.
Stepping onto the deck worked like magic on Tanden. He was in control again. The uncertainty and worry vanished. There had been a moment, on the pier, when Soren thought Tanden might chose to stay with his brothers. But every hint of that was gone.
"Ivern, whose idea was it to leave the port?"
A flash of nervousness crossed Ivern's face. "Mine, Captain. I had the men working the moment I saw the flames. I thought you'd want her out of harm's way."
"Excellent, thank you," Tanden said. "Rouse the men again, we're leaving. Is the whole crew here?"
"Nearly. Borick left with Soren and I didn't think we could risk waiting for him."
Another detail fell into place, as Tanden's attention turned to him. Soren frowned. "I think he's dead."
"You think?" Tanden asked.
"I'm pretty sure he's dead."
After a moment of silence, Tanden shrugged. "No real loss. Ivern, get everything ready. Soren, you need to rest. Come on." After a pause, he offered Soren his hand.
Soren took it, and let Tanden lead him across the deck. He hated feeling so weak, but he knew he wouldn't be helpful. He wasn't surprised when Tanden brought him into the captain's quarters, instead of his own. He might have protested, if Tanden's bed hadn't been so much more comfortable.
Tanden helped him to the bed without a word, and as soon as Soren was sitting down, turned to leave. Soren caught his arm.
"Wait."
Tanden paused and didn't pull away, but he didn't turn back around, either.
"Are you going to be all right?" Soren asked.
"I have to be."
"No you don't." Soren gave his arm a gentle tug. "You're allowed to be upset. I heard what you told your brothers about me."
Tanden sat down then, with a sigh. "I think I will be upset, eventually. But if I let myself think about it now, I'll be useless. I need to focus on the task at hand, and that's getting you safely away from West Draulin."
Soren slid his hand down Tanden's arm, so he could intertwine their fingers. "You picked me over them."
It took a long time for Tanden to reply. "I'll always pick you. It was strange, standing on that pier. I didn't really realize it until we were in the rowboat, but every one of those men are important to me. They all shaped me somehow. I aspired to be Roland when I was younger, and he taught me most of what I know about sailing. Acell was the person who first helped me get comfortable with who I am. I couldn't have managed this ship without Vosh. Rael and Tandar... I can't even put what they mean to me into words. But you... somehow you're everything. The best qualities of all of them. You inspire me like Roland did, you've helped me make sense of myself, and you know how to handle my eccentricities. I'll always pick you."
Soren stared at their hands. He wasn't sure if he would ever understand what Tanden had just done, what it had cost him. Soren had no siblings, no family that he was close to, no friends or mentors to remember fondly. He had friends on the ship, of course, men he would be sorry to say goodbye to, but it wasn't nearly the same thing. There was only one person it would hurt to lose.
He thought back to their first meeting briefly. Every moment since then had been an adventure he had never expected. Tanden had started off a perplexing mystery, and now... Soren tightened his fingers. "Stay with me. You need rest, too, and Ivern can handle the men."
"I know he can, but—"
"No. Listen to me," Soren insisted carefully. "I need you to stay with me. I need to know you're safe. And you need to rest. Go tell Ivern what to do, and then come back." He let go of Tanden's hand. "I'll wait for you."
The slightest smile flashed across Tanden's face. "I expect you'll come after me if I take too long?"
"Exactly."
"All right," he finally agreed, getting to his feet. "I'll talk to Ivern, and I'll be back. I promise." Tanden leaned in to kiss Soren's forehead, before heading for the door.
Soren tried to stay awake, but exhaustion caught up with him quickly. He was barely awake when he felt the bed dip beside him, and a gentle arm drape across his chest.