Wanderlust - Chapter 35: Chapter 35

Eight years before Wanderlust
"My lord, I really don't think... Tanden—"
Tanden laughed against Acell's neck. He always liked it when the knight slipped up and used his name. He liked that Acell wanted him so desperately that he bypassed the etiquette that had been trained into him his whole life. Tanden drew back and cocked an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
Acell glowered at him, but Tanden wasn't fooled. "We don't have time for this."
Tanden shrugged. His brothers expected him for dinner, but that was ages away. There was plenty of time. Plenty of time to unbuckle Acell's armour. He stepped forward and started to do just that. First the buckles holding Acell's left bracer in place, then the ones on his right bracer. Then the buckles at his shoulder.
Acell could have stopped him, if he really wanted to. He did sometimes, when Tanden started getting a little more reckless than he should have been. Instead Acell leaned back against the wall behind him, and watched Tanden slowly undo his numerous layers of armour. Tanden suspected that Acell liked watching him do it, because it was such a role reversal.
Normally lords didn't help their knights undress.
"You wear far too much armour," Tanden said. "Did you know that?"
"By design. So that if someone gets tired of your nonsense and decides to stab you, I can get in the way without actually risking my life."
"You think someone's going to get tired of my nonsense?"
Acell smiled. "It's really just a matter of time." He caught Tanden's right hand as he reached for the next buckle, and lifted it to his lips. He slowly kissed each of Tanden's knuckles.
"Look at that. You can be charming."
"We don't have time for this," Acell said again, but it was less actual objection and more helpless acknowledgement of what was about to happen.
Tanden shrugged again. He used the hand Acell was already holding to lead him across the room. Then he sat on the edge of his bed and leaned back on his hands, crossing his ankles casually. "All right, I'm already exhausted. Finish taking all that off."
Acell undid the last few buckles on his shoulder pieces and carefully placed them on the ground. He untied the waist-length blue cloak that indicated that he was Tanden's guard captain. He pulled his chainmail tunic over his head and let it drop with a heavy thud. He took off his belt, with its sword and two knives.
All the while Tanden reclined on his bed, watching, and thinking about how Acell could have been a little showier. When the knight was finally only wearing his simple tunic, pants and boots, Tanden grinned and got to his feet.
"See, wasn't that a waste of time?"
Acell stepped closer. They really weren't that far apart in age, Acell was twenty to Tanden's seventeen. Acell somehow seemed older. His body was well defined from years of training. An accident a few years earlier had left him with a slightly crooked nose that Tanden thought was very handsome.
Acell's hands went to the lacing on Tanden's wrists. He undid them deftly, having helped Tanden undress often enough to be quite good at it. As soon as he was done, Tanden let him lift the tunic over his head. Acell tossed it aside unceremoniously, and for a moment just looked at Tanden.
"It isn't fair that you're so beautiful," he finally said. "It makes it very hard for me to do my job."
Tanden laughed. "I would apologize, but I quite like the turn our relationship has taken. Besides, if I recall correctly, you swore to serve me for my entire life. I don't believe your oath specified how you would serve me. So you're still doing your job."
Acell ignored his rambling, as he often did. He shrugged off his own tunic, then began to unlace Tanden's pants. Pretty soon they had kicked off their boots and pants, and Acell had gently maneuvered Tanden back to sit on the edge of his bed again.
Then Acell knelt. "The knight's oath mentions laying down my life to protect you," he said, proving that he actually had been listening. "It doesn't say anything about laying down on a bed for you."
"Ah. So you're going to be witty about it?" Tanden ran his hands into Acell's hair. Acell usually wore his hair half loose, with the hair on top of his head pulled back and tied. Tanden used his light grip on Acell's hair to pull him into a kiss. Then another one. He would have kept it up if Acell hadn't put a hand on his thigh.
"We don't have time for this, Tanden."
"Then you had better get to work."
"Brilana was devastated."
"Of course. I can't begin to imagine what that must have been like for her."
Tandar nodded solemnly as he walked down the hallway with his older brother. The pregnancy's failure had hurt him as well, and he knew it must have been worse for Brilana. But his wife was the strongest woman he knew. And they had Tilana, a beautiful, healthy four-year-old. Tandar loved his little family.
"The Goddess blessed us with Tilana. Brilana and I don't need more children to be happy. We already have the perfect daughter."
Tandrael smiled. "Next time, you'll have to bring her with you. She and Tandrin got along so well last time."
Tandar laughed. "Because Tandrin was an infant and he couldn't take her toys."
"Well..." Tandrael chuckled. "I suppose that probably helped."
Tandar enjoyed living in Zianna, and he was proud to work for King Edarius, but West Draulin would always be home. He loved visiting, and every time he was given a few days off he made the trip. Usually Brilana and Tilana accompanied him, but this time Brilana's physician had insisted she stay home and rest.
Brilana, Goddess bless her, had insisted Tandar go on his trip anyway. She said spending time with his bothers would do him some good. She had been right, like she always was. Spending time with Tandrael always helped Tandar make sense of what was going on in his life, and Tanden's endless energy was refreshing.
Thinking of Tanden made Tandar realize something. They weren't far from Tanden's room, and he should have had a guard stationed by his door. "Is Tanden here?" he spoke up. Tanden had a habit of being a bit flighty, but he had been reminded about their dinner plans.
"He should be," Tandrael said.
When they reached Tanden's door, Tandar raised his hand to knock. Then he paused, because he had heard something.
A groan.
Fear clenched in Tandar's stomach. Tanden was unguarded, and he sounded hurt. All of his guard instincts kicked in at once. His little brother needed him.
Tandar tried the door handle, but it was locked. So he did the next best thing and rammed his shoulder into the wood.
"Tandar," Tandrael protested in alarm. "What are you—"
Tandar hit the door again and he felt it give slightly. He stepped back, drew his sword, and gave the door a hard kick right by the latch. It flung open and he charged into the room, dreading what he was about to see, ready to attack whoever had hurt Tanden.
And he stopped short, because Tanden was standing beside his bed, in the midst of drawing the canopy closed. He had clearly been in the middle of changing. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his pants were unlaced.
Tanden leaned against one of the bedposts and crossed his arms. "In the future, you could consider knocking," he said dryly.
Tandar gaped at him. He didn't understand what had just happened, but then, slowly, he thought about the sounds he had heard. Taking Tanden's appearance into account, the sounds meant something else entirely. Tandar was suddenly aware that he was still holding his sword, and he slid it back into its sheath on his belt. Tandrael stepped up beside him.
Tandar tried to disguise his embarrassment by frowning. "I thought you were hurt. Where's your guard?"
Tanden's gaze flickered to the bed on his right. "He's... occupied."
Usually Tandar felt just a little out of his depth when he talked to his little brother. Tanden was so smooth, so smart, he could talk circles around everyone. But Tandar was good at reading body language, and anticipating what his opponent was thinking. He knew what that glance meant.
"Atricell!"
The knight pushed aside the curtains and stepped into the open, a look of sheer panic on his face. He had dressed so hastily; he probably didn't even realize he was wearing one of Tanden's tunics instead of his own. Acell immediately fell to his knees in front of Tandar and Tandrael.
"My lords, please forgive me. I understand that I left my post, but Lord Tanden's safety is my utmost concern at all times."
Behind the knight, Tanden sighed. "Acell..."
Atricell didn't listen to him. "I swear to the Goddess that I've never done Lord Tanden any harm. I've never coerced him into anything. Everything I do is for him. I—"
"Atricell," Tandrael interrupted. "You can get up. Tanden, don't be late to dinner."
Tanden's jaw dropped. "Tandar just broke down my door and—"
"Don't be late," Tandrael repeated. "Come, Tandar."
Without another word, Tandar turned to follow him.
"It isn't as if we didn't know, Tandar."
Tandrael comfortably leaned back in his chair, watching as Tandar somewhat anxiously paced in the family's private dining room. Their little brother's preferences hadn't been a secret, they had known for years. Tandrael had watched Tanden's gaze track pretty women, and he had watched Tanden's gaze track handsome men.
But he did understand why Tandar was so nervous. They both thought of Tanden as their responsibility. They had always looked out for him as best they could. He was so much younger than them. Sometimes it was hard to think of him as an adult who was capable of making his own decisions about his life.
Tanden wasn't only capable of making his own decisions, he was a genius. He had left the Order after three years instead of the usual four. Tandar had the distinction of being one of the best swordsmen to come out of the Order in living memory. Tanden was something else entirely. He was a good fighter, when he put in the effort to practice. That wasn't his real skill. He had learned to speak Deoran and Navirian with ease. He was almost effortlessly charming, He was quick-witted. He was clever with his words.
When Tanden finally arrived, it was with a carefully cultivated air of casual indifference. Tanden eyed Tandar, then pulled back a chair at the table and sat, propping his feet up on the table.
"We don't need to make a big production out of this, so let's move on quickly," Tanden said. He really would make an incredible ambassador, Tandrael thought. Tanden knew how to command a room. "Acell thinks you'll have him executed. I said at most, you're going to try to have him dismissed from my guard. I promised him that I wouldn't let that happen. There, are we done?" He swung his feet down and started to stand.
"Sit down," Tandrael said. "Tandar, you too."
He waited while both of his brothers sat down. He really wasn't sure how to broach the conversation, but he knew it had to happen. "There must be a consequence for Atricell abandoning his post."
"He didn't—"
"I'm fully aware of the fact that he abandoned his post at your bidding," Tandrael interrupted. "There will still be a consequence. Tandar can arrange it. Right now we're talking about you."
Tanden groaned. "Rael."
"Whining won't help," Tandrael said. He decided to get the hardest part of the talk over with first. "Tandar and I... we don't think any less of you for this." That didn't sound right. It wasn't what he had meant to say.
"We accept you," Tandar said it gruffly, but they were the right words. "Always. Without question, little brother."
Tanden's fake indifference gave way to very real relief. "Really? Good. So then we don't need to talk about it." He started to stand again, but caught the look in Tandrael's eye and sat back down with a sigh. "All right. Lecture me, then."
Tandrael had already figured this part of the conversation out. He knew exactly what to say. "If you want to... enjoy Atricell's company, in that way, I won't stop you. But I do have a rule. He can't be your on duty guard at the time. He can't guard you if he's lying on top of you."
Tanden crossed his arms. "He doesn't lie on top of me."
"Has anyone?" Tandar asked.
Tanden shot him a glare. "I don't think that's any of your business. But no. Acell's the only man I've been with."
Tandrael found that a little hard to believe. "You never... had this sort of interaction at the Order?" He knew the Order didn't have women servants, so that the young lords wouldn't be distracted. But that wouldn't have stopped Tanden.
"This sort of interaction?" Tanden repeated, cocking an eyebrow. "If we're having this conversation, you can stop dancing around the word. Did I have sex at the Order? No. There was a servant I kissed sometimes."
"Is that all you did?" Tandrael asked.
"That's all I did."
Tandrael abruptly chose to drop that line of questioning. "Did you force him?"
"The servant? Or Acell? Actually, it doesn't matter, because no. I didn't force either of them. I would never do that. I know I could, I know the effect our name has on people. But I'm not interested in making anyone feel like they have to sleep with me just because I'm a lord. The servant wanted me. Acell certainly wants me, and he makes it very clear when he isn't interested. I respect that."
Tandrael was relieved, and very proud of his little brother. Tanden was charismatic enough to get what he wanted out of anybody, if he put his mind to it. It was nice to hear that Tanden was aware of it, and was also not willing to take advantage of it.
"So..." There were so many clarifying questions Tandrael wanted to ask. Some of it was plain curiosity, but he really did want to understand Tanden. So he could understand how to properly support him. "Is Acell... are you—"
"Do I want to marry him?" Tanden guessed. "No. Acell and I are just enjoying each other for now, eventually he'll find someone to marry and I'll move on. I don't think I..." he paused, and his eyes darted at the ceiling almost as if he was looking for the words to explain what he was thinking. "I don't think I'll get married. I just can't imagine being tied to one person forever. Don't get me wrong, Clairia and Brilana are wonderful women and I adore them. But I need change, and if I got married nothing would ever change. And don't tell me that if I find the right person I won't need change."
"I wasn't going to," Tandrael said. "You're under no obligation to get married." Tanden was far enough down the line of succession that he really didn't have to worry about carrying on their family if he didn't want to.
"But, so," Tandar frowned. "I don't get it. Men. They're not... We're not..." he glanced at Tandrael and shrugged helplessly. "I don't get it."
Tanden sighed. "It isn't complicated. You can look at two women who are vastly different and think they're both attractive, can't you? I can look at a man and a woman and think they're both attractive. I like different things in them."
That actually made a lot of sense. Tandrael watched understanding dawn on Tandar's face just as it clicked in his mind, as well. Besides, he decided he didn't need to understand what Tanden liked about other men. He could support his brother either way.
Tandrael took a deep breath. "All right. Tanden, you're going to do whatever you want regardless of what I say. Just promise that you'll be careful." Casual sex wasn't something lords were supposed to engage in, but it happened. As long as it only happened with servants or in brothels, most people looked the other way. Tandrael was worried people wouldn't look the other way if they found out about what Tanden was doing. "You need to be subtle."
"I won't do anything to bring shame on our family."
"That isn't what I'm worried about," Tandrael said. "Our family can weather some gossip. I'm worried about you being specifically targeted. I want what's best for you."
Tanden blinked. "Oh, right, yes. I'll be careful."
Tandrael smiled. "Perfect. So how about we continue this conversation while we eat?"
"Sir Lord Tandar told me I have to rearrange the guard schedule so that I'm never on duty at night," Acell said, as he trailed Tanden down the hall. "I suppose it's so I'm free, if you're... interested."
Tanden scoffed. "Typical of Tandar to assume I'm only interested at night."
"Your brothers do make a good point."
"Rael usually does. He's always aggravatingly correct."
Tanden's room already had a new door. The guard standing in the hallway watching it was a tall man named Jad. Tanden decided, right then, that he wasn't going to be embarrassed about leading Acell into his room. The rest of the guards would figure it out eventually.
Tanden stopped before pushing open his door and faced his knight. "Jad, Acell and I have some..."
"I know what you and Atricell are doing, my lord," Jad said. "My job is to protect you, not to judge you."
"Oh." Tanden glanced at Acell, who looked just as surprised. "Well, Jad, I just want to assure you that I'm never going to look to you for this sort of thing. I know my tastes are unusual."
Jad shrugged. "I'm not worried. You're not very big. I could hold you down."
A thrill of intrigue shot through Tanden at the thought. But no, that wasn't how it worked with Acell. Without another word, Tanden stepped into his room. Acell said something to Jad before following him.
Tanden caught Acell's forearm as soon as the door closed and led him across to the bed.
"Sir, shouldn't we talk about this?" Acell asked, even though they never did much talking about it. "Are you upset?"
"I'm fine. Rael and Tandar were fine, if a little annoying." Tanden turned around and tugged Acell closer, so that the knight would wrap his arms around Tanden's waist. "I'd like us to pick up from where we left off when we were so rudely interrupted."
"Sir Lord Tandar thought you were being murdered."
Tanden laughed. Now that the awkward conversation was over, he could see the humour in the whole thing. "Right, well, maybe I was a little more vocal than necessary. But I wasn't done." He slipped his hands into Acell's hair and tugged him into a kiss.
He thought about Jad's off-hand comment about holding him down. That would certainly be different. But Tanden really liked how his relationship with Acell worked, and he didn't think Acell would enjoy being a little more forceful, anyway.
Maybe someone else could try it, one day in the future.
That was the beauty of never settling with one person.