Where I Belong - Chapter 19: Chapter 19

It was a Monday, and the transition back to school after the weekend was anything but smooth. The events of the past few days weighed heavily on me, but I still had to get through the day, even if it felt like I was walking through a fog.
I entered the maths classroom, my heart immediately picking up pace when I saw the empty seat beside my usual spot. Mia wasn't there. She had texted me earlier that morning, saying she was too sick to come in. I felt a flicker of worry for her, but she reassured me that she should be feeling well enough to come in tomorrow.
As I took my seat, Mr. Harris glanced over at me. "Olivia, since Mia's absent today, I'll have you sit next to someone else. You're still catching up on the material, so it'll be easier if you have someone next to you," he said.
I nodded quickly, my stomach knotting. I didn't like the idea of sitting next to someone I didn't know, but I didn't have much of a choice. I kept my head down, avoiding eye contact as Mr. Harris gestured toward a seat at the far end of the room.
"Caleb, move over for Olivia," Mr. Harris called to the guy sitting a few rows away.
I glanced at the guy I'd been assigned to sit next to. His name was Caleb, and I didn't know much about him – he was quiet and mostly kept to himself. His dark hair was messy in that effortless way, and he had this calm, cool presence. He didn't acknowledge me directly as I sat down beside him, his attention already on the board, taking notes.
I sat in silence, trying to focus on the lesson, but it was hard. Mr. Harris was explaining functions, but I couldn't concentrate. My mind was still racing from the weekend, and I felt like there was this strange weight on me, just from being in a new place. I could feel Caleb sitting right next to me, but he didn't say anything. He was focused, quiet, leaving me to sink deeper into my own thoughts.
When Mr. Harris started writing out a problem on the board, I hesitated, biting my lip. I glanced over at Caleb, noticing how easily he was keeping up. The numbers on my own page seemed to swim in front of me, and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.
A few moments later, Caleb shifted slightly in his seat, catching my eye. He looked at me for a second, then at my paper, his expression calm but observant.
"You need help with this?" he asked quietly, his voice low and neutral.
My cheeks flushed, and I quickly looked down at my paper, nodding just slightly. "I'm behind," I mumbled, barely above a whisper.
Caleb didn't seem bothered. He just leaned over slightly and pointed to the board, showing me how to work through the problem step by step. His explanations were simple and clear, no pressure, no expectations. I followed along as best I could, trying to ignore how nervous I felt with him so close.
"Don't worry about being behind," Caleb said after a few minutes, his voice still soft. "You're not the only one catching up."
I nodded again, grateful for the reassurance, but too shy to say anything more. I kept my head down, focusing on the lesson, trying to get through as much of the work as I could.
The rest of the class passed with minimal conversation between us. Caleb helped me with a few more problems, but he didn't push me to talk, and I was grateful for that. I couldn't bring myself to start a conversation anyway, but having someone there, without the pressure to interact, was enough.
As the bell rang to signal the end of the period, Caleb gathered his things without a word and stood up. I stayed seated for a moment, fiddling with my notebook, trying to avoid any more interaction.
"See you around," Caleb said as he passed me, his tone casual.
I barely looked up but nodded in return, the words sticking in my throat. "Yeah. Thanks," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.
As I stepped out of the classroom and spotted Silas leaning casually against a locker, scrolling through his phone. He looked up as I approached, a smile already tugging at his lips.
"How was maths?" he asked, his tone light but with that little edge of curiosity he always had when he wanted to know more than he let on.
"It was fine," I replied with a shrug. "We just worked through a worksheet."
Silas raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying the simplicity of my answer. "Just worked through a worksheet, huh?" he said, smirking. "You two seem to have hit it off, huh?"
I blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"
He glanced toward the door, his eyes narrowing playfully. "You and that guy from your math class. You seemed...pretty focused together."
I thought for a second, and then it clicked. "Oh, you mean Caleb," I said, nodding. "Yeah, he helped me with a couple of problems."
Silas raised an eyebrow again, looking a bit amused. "Caleb, huh?" he repeated, a teasing note in his voice. "Looks like you two were getting along pretty well."
I felt my cheeks heat up a little. "We were just working through the problems."
He chuckled, clearly enjoying my reaction but not pressing the issue too much. "Alright, alright," he said, shrugging. "Just making sure you're not too shy to ask for help. Wouldn't want you to miss out on the opportunity to get some...math support."
"I'm not shy. I just..."
Silas gave me a knowing look, his grin softening. "Sure. Just don't make things harder than they have to be. If you need help, ask for it, you know?"
I nodded, not even sure what the conversation was about anymore.
Silas let out a light laugh, amused by my confusion. "Alright, Liv, I'll stop being annoying," he said, pushing himself off the locker and falling into step beside me as we started walking down the hall.
"Anyway," he said, breaking the silence as we rounded a corner, "you eating lunch with me and Eros today?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Yay!" He cheered in response, making me smile.
As we reached the hallway outside my next class, Silas slowed his pace, glancing down at me. "Alright, Liv, this is your stop," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Try not too look too bored in there."
"I'll try," I murmured, adjusting my bag on my shoulder.
He smirked. "Good. I'll be back to grab you after. Don't keep me waiting."
I nodded, the corners of my mouth tugging upward slightly. "I won't."
With a wave, Silas turned and walked off down the hallway, leaving me to head into my classroom. I slipped into an empty seat and waited for my teacher to start the class.
The lesson felt like it dragged, but eventually, the teacher dismissed us, and I gathered my things as quickly as I could. When I stepped out into the hallway, Silas was already waiting, leaning casually against the wall.
"Right on time," he said with a grin, standing upright. "Lunch calls."
I nodded, falling into step beside him as we started toward the cafeteria.
When we reached the cafeteria, Eros was already seated at our usual table, scrolling through his phone.
"Finally," he said, glancing up as we approached. "Thought I'd have to eat alone."
"Not a chance," Silas said, dropping his bag onto the bench. "You'd survive maybe five minutes without us."
Eros snorted but didn't argue. I slipped into my seat, quietly unpacking my lunch while the twins launched into a discussion about their morning classes.
Silas leaned back in his chair as he recounted some story about a teacher nearly tripping over a student's backpack. Eros listened, his expression caught somewhere between amusement and disbelief.
I stayed quiet, eating my lunch and listening as they talked. The easy rhythm of their banter was familiar, grounding in a way that made the noise of the cafeteria seem distant.
It wasn't long before Eros turned his attention to me, his sharp eyes studying me like they always did when he was trying to read between the lines.
"So, Livy," he began, "how were your classes this morning?"
I glanced up briefly before answering. "They were fine."
Eros leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "Just fine?" he pressed. "Nothing interesting happen?"
I shook my head. "Not really. Same as usual."
Silas, who had been lazily picking at his fries, suddenly perked up, his grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Same as usual?" he echoed, clearly amused. "What about your new math buddy?"
My brow furrowed, and I stopped mid-chew. "What?"
"You know," Silas said, grinning now. "That guy you were sitting next to when I saw you this morning. What's his name again?" He tapped his chin dramatically, pretending to think. "Caleb, right?"
Eros' gaze immediately sharpened, his jaw tightening just slightly as he turned his attention to me. "Who's Caleb?"
"Just someone in my math class," I replied, still not understanding why it was a big deal. "He's quiet. We didn't really talk much."
Silas smirked, clearly enjoying the conversation more than he should. "Didn't really talk much, huh? Apparently, he's pretty good at math. Helping her catch up and all that."
Eros' brows furrowed slightly, and he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Did he say anything else?"
I blinked at him, confused. "No. Why would he?"
Eros didn't respond right away, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Just checking," he said after a moment, his tone unreadable
Eros didn't look away from me, his expression unreadable but the protectiveness clear in his tone. "So he helped you?"
I nodded, "Yeah. He showed me how to do a few problems."
Eros didn't answer right away, his eyes narrowing slightly as if he were thinking it over. "Ok," he said finally.
Silas broke the tension with a chuckle, waving a fry in the air. "Relax, Eros. She's not about to run off with the guy. They were doing math, not eloping."
I frowned, looking between the two of them. "Why would you say that?"
Silas blinked, clearly taken aback by my genuine confusion, before breaking into a grin. "It's just a joke, Liv," he said, laughing softly. "Don't worry about it."
"Oh," I said, still a little lost.
Eros' eyes remained on me, his tone turning serious again. "If this Caleb guy ever bothers you, you'll tell me, right?"
I tilted my head, puzzled. "He didn't bother me. He just helped with some math problems."
Eros studied me for a moment longer before giving a slight nod. "Alright."
Silas smirked, clearly amused by the whole exchange, but thankfully, he changed the subject to something else entirely. I exhaled quietly, relieved the attention had shifted, though I could still feel Eros keeping an eye on me for the rest of lunch.
When we got back home, I decided to go see Zane in his office. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but I figured it was the best place to be if I wanted to talk about therapy. I still felt that heavy, hesitant weight in my chest. The idea of going, of opening up to a stranger, terrified me, but I knew I couldn't keep pretending things were fine when they weren't.
I knocked lightly on the door before stepping in. Zane was at his desk, tapping away at his laptop, but he looked up as soon as I entered, raising one eyebrow in that quiet way he always did.
"Is everything alright, Olivia?" His voice was calm, low, but it carried that attention that made me feel like he was ready to listen.
I stood there for a second, unsure of where to start. "I...I've been thinking about the therapy thing," I finally said, hesitating slightly. "I don't know. I want to get better, but...I'm scared."
Zane leaned back in his chair, looking at me intently but not pushing for more. He didn't rush me; he just waited for me to speak, like he understood that sometimes I needed time.
"It's okay to be scared," he said after a beat, his tone steady. "It's a big step, and I won't pretend it's easy. But it's a step toward getting better, towards understanding why things feel so heavy sometimes."
I fidgeted with the sleeve of my sweater, not sure what to say next. I wanted to ask him for advice, to make sure I wasn't overreacting, but I wasn't sure if that was even fair. He probably had his own way of dealing with things.
Zane's eyes softened, catching the uncertainty in mine. "Olivia," he said, his voice quieter now, like he was choosing his words carefully, "I've been through it too. I've been to therapy."
I froze. Zane, who always seemed so in control, so untouchable, admitting that? It didn't seem possible. "You have?" The words came out before I could stop them.
He nodded slowly, never looking away. "Yeah. A while ago, when things started to feel like they were getting too much."
I blinked, stunned by the way he said it so plainly, so matter-of-factly. "I didn't know you–" I started, but I trailed off. It was strange, thinking of Zane needing help. He was always the one people came to for support, not the other way around.
Zane gave a small shrug, his face unreadable but soft, in a way that made me feel like I wasn't being judged. "People think that just because we're okay one day means we'll always be okay. But sometimes we're not. And that's okay."
"I still go sometimes," he added after a pause. "When I feel like I need it."
"You do?" I asked, my voice soft with disbelief.
He nodded. "It helps to have someone who can help you see things clearly. Someone who doesn't expect anything from you, except honesty. It doesn't mean I'm weak. Just means I'm making sure I'm good. And that's something everyone should do."
I looked down again, letting his words sink in. "Were you scared the first time you went?"
"Yes," he admitted simply. "But I reminded myself that I wasn't doing it for anyone else. It was for me. For the people I cared about."
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. "I just...I don't want to waste anyone's time."
"You won't," Zane said firmly. "Therapy is for you. Not for them. You don't have to have it all figured out when you start. That's the point."
His words were calm and reassuring, but they carried weight. Like everything he said, it was simple but meaningful.
I felt a weight lift off my shoulders just hearing that. Maybe he wasn't perfect, maybe none of us were, but Zane wasn't afraid to admit that he didn't have all the answers. And if he could do it, maybe I could too.
"I don't know if I'm ready," I whispered, my hands nervously twisting together.
"You don't have to be ready right now," he replied gently. "Just thinking about it is a good start. When you are ready, I'll help you take the next step. I've got you, Olivia."
I let out a shaky breath, my nerves still there, but for the first time in a while, I felt like I wasn't completely on my own in this. Zane's presence, calm and unspoken, was like a lifeline, even if he didn't say much. And that was enough.
I nodded, the weight in my chest easing just a little. "Thanks, Zane."
He gave a small, almost imperceptible smile, the kind of smile that wasn't a full expression but still made me feel understood. "Anytime."
I left his office feeling like I'd made a decision. It wasn't going to be easy, and I wasn't sure when I'd be ready, but I knew I had the space to figure it out. And that was more than I'd had before.