Why the Straight One? - Chapter 60: Chapter 60

It had been almost three weeks since I started therapy. I'm not going to pretend that my life was changed already, but things were starting to look brighter. I came away from each session feeling like part of the weight I was carrying had been lifted.
I hadn't been ready to talk to Elliot, but now I didn't look forward to the talk with as much dread as before. I told Alex my plan, and he thought it would be good for me to talk to him. When we were both ready. Right now, Elliot didn't seem to want to talk to anyone, least of all to me.
My session had ended a few hours ago, and now I was sitting up against the headboard of our bed, Alex leaning against my chest, half laying, half sitting between my legs. He was watching some kind of soap opera on tv, and had been talking almost the whole time. Well, closer to ranting, really. Mostly about how stupid each person in the soap opera was, and how he would never act like any of them.
It was actually really adorable to see him get that worked up about something totally unrealistic, but I have to admit, I was spacing out most of the time. In my only half awake state, I was finding it much easier to focus on Alex then it was the tv, or even what Alex was saying.
I had my head tilted slightly forward to see his face, sometimes touching the top of his head with my chin. His hair was so soft I was tempted to run my hair through it. He probably wouldn't have cared, but I didn't want to distract him or cut him off while he was talking. He was perfect like this. Completely himself and at ease around me.
"Are you even listening to me?" He tilted his head back dramatically, blinking rapidly at me to get my attention.
"No." I laughed at the shock and disapproval that filled his eyes.
"Then you don't deserve my company." He turned off the tv, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, careful not to hurt himself, despite his flair for drama.
"Baby, don't leave me." I whined, but he continued to walk away, flipping his imaginary hair.
"You should have at least pretended to be interested. I guess you never know what you had 'till it's gone." He mused, moving to stand in front of full length mirror by our closet.
I thought he was just looking in it to admire himself, but he was suddenly quite, and Alex looking at his face in the mirror was never quite. I leaned forward to get a better view of him, and saw that he had taken off his shirt and was staring at the scar on his abdomen.
My eyes wandered from the scribbled tattoo on his shoulder blade to the dimples right above the waist band of his sweats, but I quickly pulled my eyes up to his face. Something wasn't quite right there.
"What is it, Alex?"
He tilted his head back slightly at the sound of my voice, but didn't look my way. He continued to stare, bringing his hands up to touch around the scar.
"I've never felt so ugly in all my life." His voice was breathy, hardly above a whisper.
"Stupid, isn't it?" He laughed uncertainly. "To be this worked up just because I lost a little weight and have this scar that really isn't that big."
At first I couldn't tell if he was serious, but as he continued to talk there was no doubt about it. I slid out of our bed, walking up behind him while he talked, and wrapped my arms around his bare waist, covering his hands with mine.
"I don't know. I think it's kind of hot. Makes you look tougher, or like you've been through a lot of shit in your life." I said, trying to lighten the mood, but that didn't seem to work.
"Thomas, stop." He whined, thinking I wasn't taking him seriously. "This isn't funny. Tell me I'm just being stupid."
"You aren't."
He huffed in annoyance, eyes filling with tears of frustration, his hands pushing against mine to break free of my embrace.
"Baby, no, I'm serious." I moved my hands into his stomach, still careful even though the surface of the wound was completely healed. "You aren't being stupid. It's normal to feel this way."
I saw his eyes drop in shame, and I brought my hand up to his chin, lifting his head until I could see his eyes in the mirror.
"Just because it's normal to feel that way, doesn't mean it's right. This," I moved my hand that rested on his stomach, feeling goosebumps spring up wherever my fingers touched. "this doesn't change a thing about you. It doesn't make you less of who you are, or make you look worse in any way."
I could tell he still wasn't convinced by the look in his blue eyes. I brought my hand down from his chin so that I could pull him closer to me, leaning down to rest my head on his shoulder.
"I don't see you any differently."
"Yeah, but I do! And it's so dumb because I shouldn't care so much and all that, but now I'm—"
"You're beautiful." I whispered against his neck. He stopped talking immediately, turning his face towards me.
"What?"
"I said that you're beautiful." I lifted my head up so that we were at eye level, our faces so close I could feel his hesitant breaths against my lips.
"And I don't like it when you call yourself anything else."
And then I was kissing him, trying to reinforce everything I had been saying into his mind. I felt him lean back into me, letting me take full control from behind. But I kept my hands where they were on his stomach, not wanting to turn the kiss into anything more.
"Why do you even like me?" Alex wondered breathlessly, eyes sparkling as they looked up at me in confusion.
"I could ask you the same thing." He smiled, and I tilted my head to get a better look at him.
"I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Alex." He looked surprised that I was actually voicing my reasons, but not unhappy. "And I don't just mean how you act or anything, I just mean you. I don't think I've met anyone kinder or more sympathetic. And not just to me. The way you treat, Elliot, for instance, is amazing to watch. You just genuinely care about everyone you know, and not many people do.
And somehow, somehow you work your way into my heart. I don't know how you did it, but you've managed to break down every wall I spent years putting up. You're just...you're perfect, and I know that no matter what I do, I'll never deserve you."
He sniffed, dropping his eyes to look down at our hands on his stomach.
"I feel like a pregnant woman with you standing behind me like this."
"Really? I've been pouring my heart out to you, and that's all you have to say?"
He laughed, and I was smiling despite myself. How could I not smile with him in my arms?
"I thought that I took compliments well, but I guess I've just never had one that was that sincere." I think he was trying to hide just how much my words had affected him, ducking his head and smiling softly to himself.
"Keep going, I'll think of a better answer." He giggled. I felt his hand move under mine, and looked down at my left hand resting over his, my wedding ring touching his.
"Marry me. A real wedding this time, where we mean the words of our vows, and you get to pick everything out."
He let out a small gasp, turning around quickly to face me.
"Thomas...really?" His eyes were filled with tears, and open wide in astonishment.
"Really. I'm asking you to marry me. To be my husband, and have a real wedding we can look back at and remember fondly. I want to promise to be yours forever and actually mean it."
"Thomas..." He was at a loss for words, wrapping his arms around me instead and kissing me hard.
"So that's a yes?" I pulled away, and he was smiling like I've never seen him smile before.
"Yes! Of course it's a yes! Yes, you amazing man!"
And before I could answer, his lips were on mine again, kissing me with a fervor I almost couldn't keep up with. I could feel his smile against my cheeks, feel his tears that slipped down between us.
His hands that were clasped behind my neck were now intertwined in my hair, pulling slightly in a way that affected me more then he knew. My hands had been resting loosely on his hips, but now I brought them up to run along his bare back.
The kiss wasn't what I was expecting, not that I could really explain what I was expecting anyways. Maybe something slow, meaningful even. But this kiss was passionate, hurried, and Alex was taking full control, walking us back until I felt the back of my knees on the bed.
I thought by now I would be fighting to regain my dominance, but Alex in control was such a turn on that I let myself fall onto the bed. Alex climbed on top of me, his knees on either side of my hips, barely stopping the kiss for the time it took to get onto the bed.
He brought his hands to both sides of my face, sliding his tongue back into my mouth, barely giving me a chance to breath. As soon as his hips moved against mine, I reached up to grip his biceps, trying to get his attention.
He pulled back reluctantly, eyes alight and breathing ragged.
"Alex," I tried to catch my breath, and understanding flashed through Alex's eyes. His whole face changed to one of concern, and he moved to get off of me.
"Oh, Thomas, I didn't even think—"
"No, it's not that, baby." I smiled to show him that I was just fine with our position. "Are you good? Like, is your stomach okay?"
"Oh is that all?" He looked relived that nothing had triggered any memories." I asked the doctor about it yesterday, and he didn't see a problem."
"Good." And with that I pushed him off of me, turning over quickly to take control of the kiss.
Once our lips were connected, Alex's hands slipped under my shirt, running along my back and chest. I rolled my hips forward into him, felt his fingernails dig into my back, and heard his involuntary moan spill into my mouth. It was one of the beautiful sounds I'd ever heard from him, and was looking forward to hearing that sound the rest of the night.
I pulled away from his lips, kissing sloppily along his jaw and neck. He tilted his head away,  exposing his neck more and more to me. And still I was grinding my hips against his, almost painfully slow compared to the my lips and his hands.
He pulled upwards on my shirt, fingertips leaving burning trails against my bare skin. I broke away from him to take off my shirt, throwing it aside before attacking his neck again.
"Thomas," he moaned, his voice deeper then before, his eyes half closed as he fisted the blanket under him. I kissed along his neck and down his chest, all the while grinding slowly against him, the friction causing him to writhe under me.
"Oh for fuck's sake! I've been waiting for this for over a year, and I don't have this kind of patience!" He growled in annoyance, and I shifted back up to connect our lips again.
"You're right, baby, but I wasn't ready before." He nodded, sweat starting to stand out on his forehead.
"You good now?" He asked impatiently. "Because I've done my fair share of waiting, I'm more then ready for you to stop fucking around with me."
Five minutes ago he would have been much more sensitive to the subject of my past, but even Alex's patience reached a breaking point, and this was definitely it.
"You sure your okay to do this?" I was still concerned about his injury. What if I hurt him?
"Yes I'm sure!" He arched his back in annoyance, impatient at the lack of any real contact. "Just do something already."
"What do you want?" I should have known better with a question like that. Alex lifted himself up on his elbows, giving me the kind of look only Alex could give.
"Well, you've proposed to me twice and never once got down on your knees for me. I think it's about time you changed that."