Withered - Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Remorse. Guilt.
That is how Chaeyoung feels at that very moment. He wishes for a Time-Turner so he could go back, rectify the mistake - the worst of all he had done.
However, he could not. Impossible. He had to live with it. Remorse etched at his heart. Guilt gnawed like a worm at the core of an apple. A tear trickled down his cheek, memories flooded his mind.
It's never easy for him, blaming himself for what he had done, regret washes over him like the long waves on a shallow beach. Each wave is icy cold and sends shivers down his spine, how he longed to go back and take a different path, to never drunk himself, he should have just went home that night. The remorse will eat at him every day of his life.
He has been locking himself in his room, skip meals, slowly letting the guilt to play with his mind. He believes self-harm is one way to pay for what he had done. Thinking that if he hurt himself then he could kill the demon inside him. He makes mistake, he knows it, he feels it, he capable of doing it. He never knew that he need help, that his condition becomes worst.
"Don't let yourself consumed by regret, like maggots are in their guts. Stop analyze every action and word from every angle and writhe in the agony of paths untaken. What's done is done. Don't waste your time on regret, take responsibility for it" Dahyun squat in front of his little brother. It was Chaeyoung who confessed himself and asked them to look after Mina. Tzuyu then alarmed the Myoui's sisters. Of course, the brothers didn't believe him at first but after seeing how Chaeyoung acted, they are left bewildered and puzzled. Definitely, Chae received punches from his brothers, enough to wake him from keeps drowning himself in his mixed emotions.
They know something isn't right, Chaeyoung has low alcohol tolerance, he always passed out after a few sips. Tzuyu thought it's odd and speak his mind to Dahyun but they put their suspicion aside for now and focus on Chaeyoung.
As for Chae, his life basically a mess right now, he didn't dare to call or text Mina let alone had the courage to actually meet the latter. He didn't have the strength to face the girl just yet. He always hoping that whenever he woke up in the morning, everything will be back to how it used to be, or he wishes that he will never wake up. Running away from his problem.
It's painful for him to accept the fact that he just hurt someone he loves, someone he wants to protect but at the end, it's him who hurt her.
There hasn't been any contact between Chaeyoung and Mina. She moved back to her parent's house. Until now, she never talks to Chaeyoung and avoiding Jeongyeon whenever he shows concern, calling and send her text. The girl lies that she's sick and there's no need for him to visit her, she just needs some time. Jeongyeon understood and waits patiently for Mina to open up. The guy still regretting his small fight with Mina weeks ago and just wanted to apologize.
Sana has helping Mina to recover by secretly goes to meet counsellor although the younger refused at first but finally agreed. The younger thought she could deal with a counsellor is rather than a therapist because after all, she also wants to feel normal once again. She had been skipping classes for days and shut her world. It is hard for Sana and Momo to keep the secret and persuade their little sister to go to college since they don't want any rumours or she being absent for too long.
* * * *
Everything is calm for now, It has been weeks since the incident. Their parents didn't question much as the visible bruises on her face and arms already gone.
It's hard for Mina but she listens to her sister to confront Chaeyoung, there's no point of avoiding it when they will talk about it later. Both of them knows that they can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far. Things will never be the same again and they aware of it.
The two sits on the bench at the park. The most memorable place for them. Momo and Dahyun only watch them from afar, even the conflict between Mina and Chaeyoung affected the soon to be married couple.
The storm has ebbed to nothingness. They've been sitting there for half an hour, side by side. A visible gap is noticeable between them. Silence hangs in the air like the suspended moment before a falling glass shatters on the ground, like a poison that slowly paralyzing them from either speech or movement.
"I-I'm really sorry," Chaeyoung says stuttering, he can't bear the deadly silence. That silence that screams with his sin. It's unnatural, void, refusing to be filled to prolong his suffering.
His words fly with the wind as there's no answer from the latter. It makes him nervous in a whole new level, how he wish he could dig a hole and bury himself. Again, silence engulfs them for an exact minute. He could see from the corner of his eyes, glancing to her side where's Mina blankly staring at the lake upfront. Wondering what she's might thinking right now.
"I forgive you" It's like a whisper, luckily Chaeyoung caught her words, used to her soft voice. It is surprising for him when he finally registers the meaning behind it. His eyes widen, never expecting it would be the answer. For him, it makes things more terrifying. He thought his life is over when they meet. He even prepared himself for any physical attack or any curse thrown at him but, no, nothing. She just said, she forgives him.
He doesn't know what to feel at the very moment. He turns his body and faces the girl, tears escaping his eyes as he asks the reason.
"Why?"
There's a thick, heavy, suffocating air surround them. Mina could hold the heartbreak no longer, she starts chewing on his lower lip as her eyes wells up with tears. She calms herself by taking a deep breath, wipes her tears before she faces Chaeyoung.
"Because....you're my best friend" She croaks between her sobs, failed to let her tears silently rolling her cheeks. She stands from the bench and beams a genuine smile at him, covering the pain she feels inside."Let's not meet again, that's the only punishment I can give to you" She adds and leave, not giving Chaeyoung opportunity to says a word. Brick by brick, her walls come tumbling, her legs weaken as she clenches her fist to prevent herself from falling and break down.
Momo helps Mina to walk when she noticed how the girl forces herself to look strong when she's not. She wraps her arms around Mina's shoulder as they walk towards the car. Side hugging the latter when finally, she broke down entirely, her defence wash away in those salty tears.
Dahyun and her fiance exchange a faint smile before he runs towards his little brother, Chae's shoulder shaking with grief as if he lost everything that means the world to him while tears are streaming down his already wet cheeks. He hugs the younger, never he thought that he will see this side of Chaeyoung, his absolute weakness.
* * * *
Mina thought that was the end of them. Although it's hurt to lose someone who's important for her like losing a part of herself, she cannot and never turns a blind eye for the incident that had occurred. Though her parents questions the reason for Chaeyoung never visit them anymore, her sister always there to rescue along with the help of Tzuyu and Dahyun.
It has been exactly two months since the incident, she thought everything will be fine but it's never that easy. These past few days, she feels different. Somehow her mood swings getting worse, she gets easily tired, some part of her body feels sore and pain. She doesn't think much about it though and brushes it off.
Sana who's been observing her little sister is afraid that her suspicion of Mina's condition might be true. She hasn't said anything for the time being. She gets worried when Mina acted weirdly plus when the morning sickness started.
When she can't handle it anymore, she drags Momo with her and rushes to Mina's room. Making sure to lock the door, before she sits beside Mina who's currently lying on the bed. The younger is resting as she told her parents that she's sick, the reason why she vomits this morning.
Mina sits up, leaning against the headboard as she shows questioning look towards her sisters. She appears pale and weak which concerned everyone. Momo who also has no idea what's happening just follow the flow.
"Mina. Tell me, when is the last time you have your bloody ninja attacked?" Sana asks, holding the youngest hand. There's no answer even after a few minutes has passed. Mina takes the calendar sis on her bedside table and starts counting. No, the answer is she hasn't for the two months. Mina shakes her head whispering that it's not possible.
"Mina yah, stop denying. You're not dumb. I know that we're thinking the same thing." Sana raises her voice a little when the girl seems not listening to her. "Here, you know what this is right? Just to be sure, go and check it" She hands Mina a pregnancy test that she secretly bought the other day as she knows that it will be useful to clear their doubt.
With the help of Momo, they drag the little girl to the bathroom on the second floor. Although Mina verbally refusing, deep inside, she's also curious while a huge apart of her scared of the truth.
Her sisters wait outside while Mina in the bathroom. She takes a long heavy breath, holding tightly to the tool that she wants to crush or throw away. Her left hand working back and forth over the newly healed scars on her shoulder. Her legs feel like they are no longer hers and she begin to tremble the same she always did in deep winter cold.
She stands still in front of the mirror staring right at the pregnancy test whilst her thumb covering the small panel on it. Slowly she removes her thumb with fasten heartbeat, sweat starts forming on her temple as she exhales deep breathe.