Withered - Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Mina sits on the bed as she leans against the headboard, as usual, she's knitting again. And this time, it's the same scarf that she knitted for Chaeyoung before, the difference is the color but shared the same pattern. Emotionlessly with a blank face, she keeps with her favorite hobby, she doesn't really feels or think any particular things. She's back again into the void. A dark void. A never-ending dark void that consumes everything, so she left feeling nothing. Empty.
Irene stares in confusion at the tent in the living room. She shakes her head and walks pass it straight to the kitchen. She takes off the scarf and her purse, hanging it on the back of the dining chair before rolling her sleeves and does her daily duty. Something crosses her mind when she suddenly stops chopping the ingredients for breakfast. She glances over her wristwatch and sighs. "Times for medicine" She talks to herself. She stays without moving for half an hour, staring into space.
After battling with her inner self, she finally takes off the gloves and prepares Mina's medicine, putting it on a tray with a glass of water. Eight packets in six months.
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"Mina-sii, May I come in?" Irene enters the room when she heard a reply from inside, keeping her head low as she makes her way towards the bedside table and set down the tray. Mina stops knitting and put it aside, she eyes the girl with dark orbs, expressionlessly. A small smile creeps across her face when they make eye contact and thanking Irene for the medicine.
Mina put the usual pills she always took inside her mouth and lift her hand asking for water. Irene hand her but her grips tighten when Mina tries to take the glass, she stares at Irene -who's only looking at the floor- again Mina tries to take the glass of plain water but Irene pulls it back. Aware of the maid odd behavior, Mina brows connected when she notice Irene's trembling hands. She taps Irene's hands that clasp the glass and slowly Irene raise her head, they stare at each other, and to her surprised the maid just breaks crying. Mina smiles softly at her and Irene does the same before letting her hands fall to her side.
Mina take the glass and drinks the water while Irene is looking somewhere but the girl. "Is there something wrong? Why are you crying?" Mina asks, putting the glass back to the tray. Irene only shakes her head, take the tray with her and hurriedly storm out of the room.
Mina is about to call the maid but she no longer in sight. She clicks her tongue and sighs "Bitter" She mumbles under her breath.
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As soon as she reaches the kitchen, Irene topples and falls on the floor, gripping tightly the edge of the dining table for support. Her howls of misery worsening, minutes of silent wrack sobs broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths. Crying with a rawness with it. She hopes that if only- someone to be there beside her. Telling her that everything will be fine, patting her back, consoling her but she has no one, no one except her mother. And maybe that's why she becomes inhuman just to protect her one and only family.
Thinking about the scenario earlier makes her lose focus when she's not aware of herself cutting her fingers instead of the vegetables. She stares at her blood dripping down the kitchen bar and unconsciously brings the knife to her arms, cutting one deep wound. She bears the pain, biting her lips to perfectly stop herself from screaming out of pain. It's like a reminder, each cut for what she just did. So, she'll not forget and always remember the guilt she has to live with through her life. She quickly cleans the mess and wash her cut, pressing a cloth in it. There's no turning back and she does not regret her decision but to live with it.
Pathetic. Selling your morality for money.
*  *  *  *
Chaeyoung groans and spring up, he walks out of the tent, searching for Mina but instead, he found Irene preparing for breakfast in the kitchen. He massages his temple along the way to the kitchen, feeling a bit unwell.
"Aren't you late?" Irene asks when she notices Chaeyoung opening the fridge for a glass of water. He keeps his eyes shut, concentrating on the sudden dizziness he's having, feeling as if he's about to collapse anytime soon. Not really in the mood, he shakes his head as an answer. "I don't have class today" He mumbles then start drinking to soothe his dry throat, followed by him coughing couples of time. He swiftly takes on a pale look, like he's been painted with white-wash.
"Are you okay?" Irene walks closer to him and brings her hand to touch his forehead using the back of her palm. But, before she could reach him, Chaeyoung takes a step backward avoiding her eyes. "I-I'm fine"
"Sorry" She quickly pulls her hands and looks down, a bit embarrassed "It seems like you catch a cold. I'll make you some warm tea with honey. Just wait for a moment" She gives him a smile- which Chaeyoung returns it back- before proceeding with her works. Chaeyoung feels extreme tenderness and ache all around his body, as he keep coughing. Not having energy to move, he just wanted to sleep some more. He sits on the dining chair, obliges to Irene asking him to wait. He closes his eyes, resting his head on the table with his arms supporting it.
Irene turns around when she's done, holding a cup of tea. She smiles softly when she gets closer and sees Chaeyoung in a better view. She places the cup on the table then sits beside him, copies his position, head facing the younger. She stares at him with admiration and hesitantly trace his face with her finger; every single of his features, from his eyes to his cheek, nose and down to his lips. Though she's smiling, a tear escapes her eyes and she quickly wipes it off. She then buries her face on her arms, crying silently.
I want you to be happy. I really do. I know my place and boundaries. What am I compared to you? But, is it wrong to love someone? Is it that sinful? I am not hoping you'll love me back.
But, now thinking back what I have done. I don't even deserve to grow this feeling. I ruin your happiness and hurt you.
I'm so sorry.
*  *  *  *
Chaeyoung opens one eye and slowly sit up straight. He looks around and there's no Irene and the dish all on the kitchen bar. He notices the cup in front of him, and it's still warm, gulping the tea in hurry. He forces himself to stand with the intention to head upstairs and bring food for Mina. Just then, Irene shows up "Oh, I'm about to wake you up," She says, quickly putting a bright smile. Watching Chaeyoung struggling to walks, she pushes him back to his seat. "I'll bring her. meal to her room, and I bought medicine for you, eat it later okay" Chaeyoung smiles and thank her.
Irene moves all the dish on the kitchen bar to the dining table. Then the scarf on the chair caught her attention. She takes it, walk to Chaeyoung side and gives it to him. Slightly embarrassed recalling that she just got rejected that day.
"Umm, thank you for helping me out the other day. It must be heavy to carry the groceries all the way to my house. And for lending the scarf. Thank you" She bows a little, and smiles at him.
Before Chaeyoung could utter a word, Mina suddenly appears and automatically he stands up, rigid in his place. He hides the scarf behind his back and smiles apologetically at Irene. The maid knows what it meant and even feels guilty that she might say something wrong. Chaeyoung's eyes follows Mina as she takes a seat across him. Did she heard it? He wonders.
"Smells good" Mina smiles at them and thank Irene for the food. Both Chaeyoung and Irene is surprised to see the girl in the kitchen when she always in her room, even eat breakfast by herself. "Let's eat" Mina adds and start eating, ignoring the other two.
"Join us, Irene sii" Mina calls out when the maid walking away from them. She awkwardly smiles and sits beside Mina. All of them eat in silence, no one dares to open a conversation since the atmosphere is somehow intense, probably because of the cold and dark aura that surrounds Mina. Irene hardly swallows on her foods, it feels unbearable to even stay there for a minute. She notices how Chaeyoung never takes her eyes off from Mina and keep glancing over her time to time while the girl looks like she's in her own world.
Chaeyoung tries to read what inside Mina's mind or what is she thinking but to no avail. He sees a side of her, he never encounters before and it freaking him out- something is wrong and very different. Mina finishes all her food and for the first time raise her head and again thanking Irene before she averts her eyes to him. They stare at each other for a while and at that moment he knows what going on, staring right into her dark orbs. Mina smiles before leaving the scene.
She's crying. She's hurting inside. Chaeyoung falls to his seat, rubbing his face with frustration. She definitely heard it. Definitely. He thought. And now he's in really big trouble, not because he's afraid of what tantrums or punches Mina will throw to him, even better if its that way. Mina found out he lied again and he just broke her trust again. He's terrified that Mina give up on him, that she's completely close her heart. That she'll abandon him, and leave with their child and if that happens, he'll literally die.
"I'm sorry... Irene sii but could you leave us alone. Your job is done for today" Chaeyoung says weakly, not even minding to look at her. Without a second thought, Irene leaves the place, clueless and curious of what's happening but feels like it's not a place where she can meddle in.
*  *  *  *
It's almost 12 sharp, hours after the incident in the morning. Chaeyoung has been contemplating to meet Mina, afraid of the outcome from the talk. He bites his lips, massaging his head as he finally heads upstairs. He takes a deep breathe and blink a few times, making sure he's fully awake before knocking the door. Since there's no reply, he turns the doorknob and gets inside the room.
Mina's smile at him as he enters then continue her knitting. Chaeyoung knows it's a facade, he couldn't see it in the first glimpse but when they make eye contact, that's when it becomes clear. He walks closer, tears already threatening to escape as he calms his pounding heart. Dozens of gulp for a few meters from the door to the bed.
"Mina ya" He calls, sitting on the floor beside her bed. The girl only nods and hums as a reply, eyes locked on the scarf she knit.
"Mina ya" He whispers softly calling her again but receives the same response.
"Minari...please" This time, Mina don't answer him but keep her mouth shut. Her face slowly drops from a bright smile to a blank face. He reaches for her hand and the girl flinches a little but relaxes afterward. She stares at him with deadly but warm eyes.
"I'm sorry. It's all my fault. She's a friend and I'm just being kind to help her. I-I was wrong for lending her the scarf.....she was shivering that time. But, I know I shouldn't do that. I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't lie to you. Forgive me." He stutters in his word, keeping his head low, not wanting to meet Mina's piercing eyes. Tears already races down his cheeks. He waits for Mina but nothing, she just stays in her position, not even move a single muscle. He knows he hurt her really bad and tightens her grip. Mina pulls his hand, gesturing him to sits on the bed and he follows.
"Pl-please says someth---" His words cut off when Mina hug him tightly. Chaeyoug freeze, confused for a few seconds before he brings his arms and wraps it around her. He feels her soft skin and the gentle squeeze on his own. Bathing in her warmth and the smell of her jasmine perfume. Mina buries her face into the crook of his neck and lets her body sag, her muscles become loose. She just misses it, the hug. It calms her down and she feels like she found a home though at the same time it makes her mad and wants to burn the house.
For her, Chaeyoung is a double-edged sword, the more she held on it, the more she's hurting. That kind of person that will care for her but cause her misery. Someone that she really respect but disappoint her. Someone that when you have their phone number, you can't call or delete it. He's that kind of person that provides comfort but hell at the same time. Or is it her where the problems start? She isn't sure herself.
"Kindness. She's just a friend and you did what everyone would do. Is it the same for me?" Mina softly asks as she draws away. Chaeyoung tilts his head in confusion, not knowing what is it meant. He couldn't comprehend anything. He tries to read her expression or read her eyes but everything is blurry.
"The flowers, the teddy bear, the chocolate, the ice cream, the aquarium, your smile, your concerns and all the things you did!" Mina raises her voice but she doesn't even cry. Her eyes only red and sore, she's tired of it and there are no tears left. "Is it also an act of kindness? Do you pity me? Is that why?"
Chaeyoung start to lose his focus and can't even look at Mina properly. Feeling like he could faint soon, his mind is clouded with a lot of things. He shakes his head trying to answer but nothing come out from his mouth..."I--.."
Mina stand and slowly release herself from him. He catches her wrist but she pulls it harshly and leaves the room not even once turning back. He follows her and sees Mina walk through the main door. He calls multiple times even when Mina no longer in sight. The world circling around him and his damp palms slipping down the cold handrail. He falls headfirst down the remainder of the stairs landing in a miserable clump on the cold tile of the landing. He groans while holding his head, tries to stand but he sprained his ankles and couldn't move it. Defeated, he lays down on the floor, staring into the ceiling as he sighs.
He brings his hand to his eyes, covering it as he cries. He thinks that dying at this point is not a bad idea.