Withered - Chapter 35: Chapter 35

Chaeyoung receives no answer and in that moment of feeling, she's so close that himself awake somehow, more alive than he has been in a very long time. As if all his pain goes away---mental and physical, mostly the depressing pain. If only he could stay in her arms forever. Just both of them, together, living a happy life, loving each other, no more pain, no more guilt, no more fight but just pure love. Unfortunately, one could only hope.
They remain silent in the darkness but bathed in the gentle glow of the moonlight. Chaeyoung restrains himself from turning around when he feels his shirt wet, due to her tears. She's crying silently. And just how much he wants to face her and sees the girl that he'd been missing, he wants her to say something. An excuse, a fit of rage, a nag. Anything.
These past few days, Mina tries to block a pining that made her heartache and kept her up at night. Eventually, she became aware that she was tensing her muscles so she wouldn't cry. And eating all those pints of ice cream was just an attempt to stave off emptiness with sugar.
She closes her eyes and bites her lower lips as she remembers the one same thing that everyone told her---her sisters, her mother, and even her physiatrist. Which is "to open up yourself" She knows the best thing to do is to go ahead and feel her feelings.
"I...I'm mad at you" She trails off.
"I'm mad at you for giving the scarf to her, for lying to me, for not taking care of yourself, for forcing to look for me when you can't walk, for standing in the rain, for stupidly waiting for me!" Her voice raises then cracks as she says the last words, cannot holding the already falling tears of herself.
"I hate you..I hate you so bad" She continues between her sobs, but soon after her arms squeezed a fraction tighter and Mina breathes more slowly.
"But, I keep seeing your face, I keep worrying, I keep hearing your laughter...I miss you..."
Chaeyoung brain stutters for a moment and every part of him goes on pause while his thoughts catch up. She misses him. He slowly releases her arms and turns around. Watching the girl having her head low, grasping tightly the end of her sweater. He lifts her chin, so they can stare at each other. Mina eyed him with a pained look and suddenly hold his left arms, she can no longer take the risk and hurt herself.
"I miss your smile. I miss holding hands. I miss doing your laundry. I miss you running errands for me. I miss sharing meals together. I miss cycling together. I miss being close, being able to hug with no pain and guilt only happiness...I miss the past us." She pleads with gut-wrenching sobs that tear through her chest. "Let's be how we were back then....please Chaeyoungie" He looks away, as to ignore her begging, knowing where this conversation leads to. Just when he thought that she means something else maybe it's the start of newness, freshness but she just smashes it down. Not even the steady stream of liquid trickling down his face could cure his thirst for her. After all, she wanted a friend, not a lover.
Honestly, he's trying so hard not to burst out and yells at the girl. Swallowing all the words that he wants to say.
Never.
I don't want to go back to how we were.
I don't want to be your friend.
I don't want to watch you from afar again.
Since you can't leave me because I'm your friend and you cherish me,
I have no option but to take advantage of our past relationship. I'll keep you close, to stay beside me.
He turns his head back and his face softens when their eyes meet. He takes a step forward and gently hugs the girl with one arm around her shoulder. How could you do this to me? He thought.
"Chaeyoun---"
"No. I don't want." He cut in, breaking the hug when he already set his mind. He just loves her too much that he's slowly losing his own identity and be someone else. A shameless manipulator.
"Stay or leave. Decide" He says sternly.
*  *  *  *
Chaeyoung stare at Mina who's sleeping in the couch, he turns his body fully to her side to get a better view. His last question wasn't answered though as Mina only stared at him with confusion. She took an amount of time to finally mumbled ''I'm tired. I want to sleep" and that's how he helps prepare a blanket and pillow so she can lay comfortably in the couch. He knows at that moment, offering the bed with him is not the right thing to say so he just let her.
Chaeyoung shut his eyes and recalls their fight hours ago, feels disgusted at himself for losing his consciousness and put pressure on her. It comes out impulsively, and once it's said, you can't take it back, a natural tendency without him thinking the consequences of his word and how it affects the girl. Why do we force people to be with us when they clearly say 'no' Chasing, controlling, and trying to get someone to love us is just pathetic and sad. He crosses the line from love to possessiveness, intrudes on their boundaries and disrespects her, as what he thought.
What are you doing Son Chaeyoung? He mentally scolds himself.
*  *  *  *
"Morning" Mina greet casually while stretching her arms as if nothing happens the night before. He snaps his head towards her and swiftly stop writing and closes the colourful book, hiding it under his pillow.
Chaeyoung greets her back, praising himself that he didn't stutters. For some reason, he feels awkward to face the girl after the night and basically, his normal self is back.
Mina cleans herself and changes before taking a seat on the chair beside his bed. His eyes shake, looking around quickly without focusing into anything. Feeling nervous all of a sudden. He watches her hands slowly reach his and squeeze it to earn his attention.
"I need to go to the washroom" Chaeyoung blurt and slowly get off on the other side of the bed. He makes his way to the washroom, completely ignoring the girl. Mina sigh when he disappears and covers her face with her hands as she feels frustrated somehow. The sound of the door swings open caused her to lift up, and it's Chaeyoung, walking back towards her. Mina's brow arc as she watches him gets nearer and stop just a meter away before her.
"Last night...I dropped my toothbrush and Tzuyu promised me to buy a new one today but he hasn't come so......" His voice sinks to a whisper. Staring on the floor, while rubbing his nape.
Mina cracks a smile, showing her gums. "Thankfully, I bring an extra one just in case and looks like it's really needed, I bring some of your clothes too, so you can change into a comfortable one" She says, taking out a new toothbrush from a bag that sits beside the couch, and hands it to him.
Chaeyoung thank the girl and quickly walk away but stop when he heard a call from her.
"Can you do it by yourself?"
*  *  *  *
"Sit" Mina command as she fills the sink with warm water. Chaeyoung keeps with his whining but nonetheless follows since he doesn't want to meet Mina's angry side. He had seen it a lot. And it's a warning.
"I still can use my left hand. Like seriously. Minarii I'm not a kid" He cries out, disapproving her action. Mina secretly glances over his reflection on the mirror while putting on the toothpaste. She watches him stomping his feet and in awe at his expression, sees nothing but almost embarrassment as his cheeks flushed pink.
"You know that I always had to brush your teeth every night since you were so lazy" Mina fired back as she turns around, smirking at him.
"That's a long time ago. I'm still a toddler. That time..I mean..I did flossing okay" He rolls his eyes and gives a deadpan look. She shakes her head, sighing all the way as she walks and stands behind him. "Stop talking, your breath stinks" Chaeyoung scoff at her statement, eyeing her move via the mirror, staring at her in disbelief. "Seriously? Myoui Mina"
The girl suppresses her laugh hearing her full name escapes his mouth. "Whatever, now open your mouth. We have to get those dinosaurs out so they don't bite"
Chaeyoung chuckled when she mentions the dinosaur, bringing tons of memories. "I'm not going to fall for that again. Are you trying mimicking mother? She always said that to force me brushing my teeth"
"Who knows it's going to work?" Mina places her left hands over his shoulder and taps it. "Or....say Cheeseeee," She says, automatically forming a broad smile across her face, showing her teeth.
The corners of his mouth slides upwards and he sighs quietly, defeated. Well, Chaeyoung never wins anything against her.
"Cheeseeeee..........." He copies and reveals his crooked teeth, giving access to Mina moving the brush back and forth gently in short strokes. Not even pass a second, Chaeyoung bite the brush, stopping her "...cake! Can we have it?"
"After this"
"Okay"
*  *  *  *
Chaeyoung sits stiffly on the couch while Mina standing in front of him, grabbing each section of his hair and gently blot and squeeze it with the towel---basically drying his damp hair with a hand towel. His eyes never leave Mina's bump and just stare at it, smiling to himself. The girl suddenly feels a little flutter within her, fleeting and gentle.
"Woah!!!" Chaeyoung suddenly shouts causing Mina to jolt and quickly look down. His face lights up in amazement with sparkly eyes "D-did you sees it!! It moved! I think she's kicking. The baby is kicking!" Mina giggle at his reaction and watch him pulling his hand to touch her bump but stop in midway. He raises his head and looks at her as if asking permission. Mina nods knowing what he meant, thinking that it's so gentle of him asking her consent first when he actually has the right.
Chaeyoung slowly rubs her bump and finds that the baby kicks again. A wide smile eternally stained upon his lips. There's nothing quite as exciting as feeling your baby respond to your touch for the very first time and that is what he feels. A wave of happiness washed over him. It's like a beam of light to the soul.
He slides an arm around her waist and kindly pulls her against him. Putting his head on her stomach. Mina takes a step forward, closing the gap between them and smiles softly. She caresses his damp hair while he closes his eyes, feeling the movements of the baby. And when he heard the speedy little triple beat of the baby's heartbeat, he's taken aback, it feels magical and that tiny touchpoint is really assuring. It reminds him that she, Mina is carrying a child, his child. And it made him want to do anything possible to help get her through the rough time. Only if she let him.
But Chaeyoung isn't really thinking about the complex bond between him and Mina and how fate played with them. The only thing that is inside his mind is, he himself, Mina and their child as one happy family.
Little baby, my name is Son Chaeyoung and I'm your dad... Dad can't wait to see you.
*  *  *  *
Mr Son knocks before he gets inside the room, visiting his son. Chaeyoung just laying on the bed, doing nothing and just stare at Mina who sit on the chair, reading a book. He slowly rises from his position and greets his dad, while Mina does the same. She closes her books after placing a bookmark, putting it inside her handbag.
"I'll take my leave," Mina says as she stands and bows at Mr Son. She turns her head to face Chaeyoung and beam a smile. This time, his eyes follow Mina until she stands before the door, not saying anything but secretly hoping.
Mina turns the doorknob and opens the door, taking a step and another. His brows twitch, chewing on his inner cheeks too hard until it bleeds. He's pleading, no begging as he stares at the girl's back facing him. Right when he's about to give up, right when he's about to let go of the dwindling ray of hope that flickered dangerously inside him, the blanket of blackness replaced by bursts of light that pierced through it.
Mina turns her heels and their eyes lock for a whole minute. "I'll be back. You want a Cheseeeeee Cake right?" She jokes, giving him a meaningful smile.
He presses his lips and bobs his head at her, smiling as he watches her disappear out of sight. He feels like the heavens have given him another chance to do right, and his heart soared, mending itself once more.
She chose to stay.