Withered - Chapter 43: Chapter 43
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There is such a weighted silence. Mina sits stiff, a puzzled expression on her face. It seems like her mind is still a surging perplexity but their shared gaze remained unbroken. The moment those words slipped Chaeyoung's mouth, everything is ruined. Those more than ten years of friendship, those wall between them, and those unremarked line that separates them, is gone. And both aware of the consequences and the risk it took.
When it becomes clear to the girl, she looks down and squeezes her eyes. That's it. The secret of him that she'd been trying to find and today it's revealed and she finally knows why is it a secret. Too much, too overwhelming. The thought that lingers inside her mind, the mixed emotions she's having. What is it? Anger? Sadness? Fear? Lost? Anxious? Or hurt? Even she has no idea what kind of feelings that overpowering the other. But one thing for sure, it's negative, piercing and profound.
"I-I'm sorry"
One second passed. Two seconds passed. Three seconds passed. Guilt is eating and pestering her. Mina feels the warmth on her cheeks that radiates from the touch of his hand, slowly fades as he draws away. It sparks guiltiness inside her but that's the only things she could utter. It's the outcome of confusion and shock.
Chaeyoung slowly shifts his position to the front while chewing on his lips, preventing it to tremble. A broken faucet as his tears tracing his cheeks than to his chin, falling nonstop. He expected the answer but never thought to listen to it, in reality, will be that painful. Pathetic, you are denied for something which you only deserved. A voice whispers inside his mind and he approves the saying. A thick, suffocating silence surrounds them as he still trying to compose himself. Finding the normal rhythm for his heart to beat, controlling his breathing and recover back to his senses. But how could he? when it feels like a thousand pieces of glass just planted deep inside his heart or maybe all over his body. It's a familiar feeling but each time it strikes, the pain somehow increases and the frustration builds.
Mina's eyes fix on him, staring his side view. She wanted to reach for him and comfort him but does she have the right? And maybe he just needs some time or both of them need time, away from each other for a while. With that thinking, she gets down the swing bed and wordlessly walks away.
"Why---" Mina catch the bitterness in his voice and abruptly stop on her step. She stands there, like no more than a mannequin. She hardly gulps while waiting for him to continue. Unbeknown to him, how little water droplets stream down her rosy cheeks.
Chaeyoung rubs his face and follows the girl, standing beside her. "Why am I never good enough? Is- is there's something wrong with me?" He marvelled, letting his emotion take over him. "What do I have to change? Or...who..who I have to become?"
It's always been an act of putting a lid on a boiling pot, eventually, the contents will rise to the top and spill over. If we push our feelings down and down and try to avoid them, eventually, they will explode out. Just like him. Surrendering to the eternal feelings to take control of his actions and words.
Turning away from the living room, Mina watches his expression. He looks weak and his eyes are dull. "Chaeyoungie...why? Why now? Why not any sooner?"
"Ten years!" His voice raises as he runs his fingers through his hair, causing the girl to flinch. "More than ten years I've been right here, just waiting for you to open your eyes to see that...I'm right here. And I'm more than just a friend"
It hurts Mina to hear those statement from him, she feels offended and unfair "How would I know Chaeyoung! It was you who lied to our friendship and to yourself. How about waiting for me is an excuse for your little bravery." She burst out. "If there's a thing that destroys our future, it is that you're a coward."
There is something in that shout, a pain behind it feels like a sharp-toothed creature eating him from the inside. After all, she stated the truth. Chaeyoung shifts his eyes, breaking the intense eye contact they shared. "I had to. Yeah, I was scared I might lose you if I told you. I want to stay next to you as a friend at least. So, I kept smiling, joking around, acting mischievously like how you liked about me. I smiled and smiled. I thought you'll come to me one day. I thought you'll come to me if I became a better guy. But, you never. You never see me. You're such a fool"
Mina gritted her teeth, speechless by his confession. Chaeyoung breathes in really slow and realizes this conversation is pointless. Where it brings nothing but a form of torture. Then he learns. His anger is nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered soldier, randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life, lonely, desperate.
With a last glance at her, Chaeyoung kicks his way towards the beach, ending their venomous talk and leaves the girl who has her head turns to the side---not wanting to face him.
As soon as he walks away, Mina does the same in the opposite direction. Swing her feet straight to her room. When she reaches the bed, she let herself slumped against it then wipe the remaining tears on her face. After catching her breath and her conscious is back, the blame is on her. Retracting all the bad things she just said, it was involuntarily, and unmeaning.
"You're a coward"
"I shouldn't say that" She mumbles as she buries her face in her hands. It comes in waves, the thought of what she should have done or said differently, what she shouldn't have done at all. She can't undo it, but can make it right, she doesn't know. Believing that there will be times where they'll confront each other and when that time comes, all she can do is try to see from his perspective, listen to understand not to reply.
"Mina, I'm in love with you"
Her conflicting feelings are driving her insane and it makes her uncomfortable, exhausted and stuck. She decides to put the things aside for now since she's emotionally and physically drained out. Mina raises her head and looks out the window. It might be facing the ocean but she can't see anything except complete darkness. She starts to wonder, that he might be shivering out there, that he doesn't bring his jacket, that he might be crying alone. It's hard but she succeeds in convincing herself not to look for him and think it's enough for today. Both of them need a little while to think properly and for now, they give each other space and respect.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
An hour past and midnight cames, a quiet rhythmic knock interrupts her train of thought as she still counting sheep to fall asleep. Mina slowly sits up and walk towards the door. She places her hand on the doorknob but doesn't turn, contemplating to do so as she knows that Chaeyoung is standing behind it.
She doesn't want to meet him yet, not this early, and thus she let her hands fall but still feet glued to the floor. After a moment of silence, a paper slide under the door then stops just in front of her slippers. A small smile crept on her face as she slowly bends down and opens the tiny folded paper.
"I'm sorry
Let's talk again later
Don't count on sheep, put on socks. It will help you to sleep.
Good night and I'm sorry."
Mina smiles sadly then heard him moves as his footsteps fade away. She thought that maybe he goes to his room. The girl follows his advice which is to wear a pair of sock and she can't deny that he sometimes knows her more than herself. She brings the comforter up to her shoulder as she lay to the side and now reading the same paragraph on the paper. Mina shut her eyes and recall the scene earlier.
"Why am I never good enough? Is- is there's something wrong with me?"
"What do I have to change? Or...who..who I have to become?"
"You're such a fool"
Her grip on the white paper tightens, causing it to cease as a figure and familiar face come across her mind. It's never left her, always at the back of her mind and always apart of her heart, "It's not your fault Chaengie, you're perfect and there's nothing wrong with you...it just that I am the problem"
"You're right. I am such a fool.."
"...For stupidly waiting for him"
* * * *
The announcer finally comes to the intercom and says, "Your plane has arrived at the terminal" A well-adjusted man in twenties takes his earphone out and puts them into his pocket, it has been a long journey for him. He listens to the final announcement by the pilots while tidy up the mess he created on the table, gathering the files and paper that means more than his life then arranges it neatly inside his black shoulder bag.
Soon the plane stops and everyone starts to leave after grabbing their carry-on bags. He has only one that never leaves his side. The young man is in the eight rows back so he waits as people file out. The line of people slowly makes their way out of the plane while the flight attendants smile to them. Just as he exits the plane, he takes a big jump of air then release it.
"Korea" He utters while fixing the strap of his bag then proceeds to walk along the pathway to the hall. As he walks through the arrival, immediately he spots a beautiful young woman, wearing a simple white blouse and blue jeans with a white coat hanging on her arms, waving at him. The girl is accompanied by a guy in a black suit, standing behind her. He takes off his black glasses, smiling as he fastens his step. The girl jumps and hugs him while he does the same.
"I miss you Jeongyeon-ah"
Jeongyeon pulls away and chuckles as the girl head locking him as a punishment for suddenly, without any notice went to America while she went to Korea for him. They never cross path and finally, they meet after five years.
"Nayeon noona! I'll report you for killing attempt" He whines while acting suffocated. "Mr Choi, help me" The guy with a black suit just stare at him blankly then look away. "Yah! How could you do this to me?" Jeongyeon grunted.
Nayeon smiles mischievously as she drags the younger towards the terminal. "You're dead" She mumbles.
When it becomes clear to the girl, she looks down and squeezes her eyes. That's it. The secret of him that she'd been trying to find and today it's revealed and she finally knows why is it a secret. Too much, too overwhelming. The thought that lingers inside her mind, the mixed emotions she's having. What is it? Anger? Sadness? Fear? Lost? Anxious? Or hurt? Even she has no idea what kind of feelings that overpowering the other. But one thing for sure, it's negative, piercing and profound.
"I-I'm sorry"
One second passed. Two seconds passed. Three seconds passed. Guilt is eating and pestering her. Mina feels the warmth on her cheeks that radiates from the touch of his hand, slowly fades as he draws away. It sparks guiltiness inside her but that's the only things she could utter. It's the outcome of confusion and shock.
Chaeyoung slowly shifts his position to the front while chewing on his lips, preventing it to tremble. A broken faucet as his tears tracing his cheeks than to his chin, falling nonstop. He expected the answer but never thought to listen to it, in reality, will be that painful. Pathetic, you are denied for something which you only deserved. A voice whispers inside his mind and he approves the saying. A thick, suffocating silence surrounds them as he still trying to compose himself. Finding the normal rhythm for his heart to beat, controlling his breathing and recover back to his senses. But how could he? when it feels like a thousand pieces of glass just planted deep inside his heart or maybe all over his body. It's a familiar feeling but each time it strikes, the pain somehow increases and the frustration builds.
Mina's eyes fix on him, staring his side view. She wanted to reach for him and comfort him but does she have the right? And maybe he just needs some time or both of them need time, away from each other for a while. With that thinking, she gets down the swing bed and wordlessly walks away.
"Why---" Mina catch the bitterness in his voice and abruptly stop on her step. She stands there, like no more than a mannequin. She hardly gulps while waiting for him to continue. Unbeknown to him, how little water droplets stream down her rosy cheeks.
Chaeyoung rubs his face and follows the girl, standing beside her. "Why am I never good enough? Is- is there's something wrong with me?" He marvelled, letting his emotion take over him. "What do I have to change? Or...who..who I have to become?"
It's always been an act of putting a lid on a boiling pot, eventually, the contents will rise to the top and spill over. If we push our feelings down and down and try to avoid them, eventually, they will explode out. Just like him. Surrendering to the eternal feelings to take control of his actions and words.
Turning away from the living room, Mina watches his expression. He looks weak and his eyes are dull. "Chaeyoungie...why? Why now? Why not any sooner?"
"Ten years!" His voice raises as he runs his fingers through his hair, causing the girl to flinch. "More than ten years I've been right here, just waiting for you to open your eyes to see that...I'm right here. And I'm more than just a friend"
It hurts Mina to hear those statement from him, she feels offended and unfair "How would I know Chaeyoung! It was you who lied to our friendship and to yourself. How about waiting for me is an excuse for your little bravery." She burst out. "If there's a thing that destroys our future, it is that you're a coward."
There is something in that shout, a pain behind it feels like a sharp-toothed creature eating him from the inside. After all, she stated the truth. Chaeyoung shifts his eyes, breaking the intense eye contact they shared. "I had to. Yeah, I was scared I might lose you if I told you. I want to stay next to you as a friend at least. So, I kept smiling, joking around, acting mischievously like how you liked about me. I smiled and smiled. I thought you'll come to me one day. I thought you'll come to me if I became a better guy. But, you never. You never see me. You're such a fool"
Mina gritted her teeth, speechless by his confession. Chaeyoung breathes in really slow and realizes this conversation is pointless. Where it brings nothing but a form of torture. Then he learns. His anger is nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered soldier, randomly throwing out grenades, scared for his life, lonely, desperate.
With a last glance at her, Chaeyoung kicks his way towards the beach, ending their venomous talk and leaves the girl who has her head turns to the side---not wanting to face him.
As soon as he walks away, Mina does the same in the opposite direction. Swing her feet straight to her room. When she reaches the bed, she let herself slumped against it then wipe the remaining tears on her face. After catching her breath and her conscious is back, the blame is on her. Retracting all the bad things she just said, it was involuntarily, and unmeaning.
"You're a coward"
"I shouldn't say that" She mumbles as she buries her face in her hands. It comes in waves, the thought of what she should have done or said differently, what she shouldn't have done at all. She can't undo it, but can make it right, she doesn't know. Believing that there will be times where they'll confront each other and when that time comes, all she can do is try to see from his perspective, listen to understand not to reply.
"Mina, I'm in love with you"
Her conflicting feelings are driving her insane and it makes her uncomfortable, exhausted and stuck. She decides to put the things aside for now since she's emotionally and physically drained out. Mina raises her head and looks out the window. It might be facing the ocean but she can't see anything except complete darkness. She starts to wonder, that he might be shivering out there, that he doesn't bring his jacket, that he might be crying alone. It's hard but she succeeds in convincing herself not to look for him and think it's enough for today. Both of them need a little while to think properly and for now, they give each other space and respect.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
An hour past and midnight cames, a quiet rhythmic knock interrupts her train of thought as she still counting sheep to fall asleep. Mina slowly sits up and walk towards the door. She places her hand on the doorknob but doesn't turn, contemplating to do so as she knows that Chaeyoung is standing behind it.
She doesn't want to meet him yet, not this early, and thus she let her hands fall but still feet glued to the floor. After a moment of silence, a paper slide under the door then stops just in front of her slippers. A small smile crept on her face as she slowly bends down and opens the tiny folded paper.
"I'm sorry
Let's talk again later
Don't count on sheep, put on socks. It will help you to sleep.
Good night and I'm sorry."
Mina smiles sadly then heard him moves as his footsteps fade away. She thought that maybe he goes to his room. The girl follows his advice which is to wear a pair of sock and she can't deny that he sometimes knows her more than herself. She brings the comforter up to her shoulder as she lay to the side and now reading the same paragraph on the paper. Mina shut her eyes and recall the scene earlier.
"Why am I never good enough? Is- is there's something wrong with me?"
"What do I have to change? Or...who..who I have to become?"
"You're such a fool"
Her grip on the white paper tightens, causing it to cease as a figure and familiar face come across her mind. It's never left her, always at the back of her mind and always apart of her heart, "It's not your fault Chaengie, you're perfect and there's nothing wrong with you...it just that I am the problem"
"You're right. I am such a fool.."
"...For stupidly waiting for him"
* * * *
The announcer finally comes to the intercom and says, "Your plane has arrived at the terminal" A well-adjusted man in twenties takes his earphone out and puts them into his pocket, it has been a long journey for him. He listens to the final announcement by the pilots while tidy up the mess he created on the table, gathering the files and paper that means more than his life then arranges it neatly inside his black shoulder bag.
Soon the plane stops and everyone starts to leave after grabbing their carry-on bags. He has only one that never leaves his side. The young man is in the eight rows back so he waits as people file out. The line of people slowly makes their way out of the plane while the flight attendants smile to them. Just as he exits the plane, he takes a big jump of air then release it.
"Korea" He utters while fixing the strap of his bag then proceeds to walk along the pathway to the hall. As he walks through the arrival, immediately he spots a beautiful young woman, wearing a simple white blouse and blue jeans with a white coat hanging on her arms, waving at him. The girl is accompanied by a guy in a black suit, standing behind her. He takes off his black glasses, smiling as he fastens his step. The girl jumps and hugs him while he does the same.
"I miss you Jeongyeon-ah"
Jeongyeon pulls away and chuckles as the girl head locking him as a punishment for suddenly, without any notice went to America while she went to Korea for him. They never cross path and finally, they meet after five years.
"Nayeon noona! I'll report you for killing attempt" He whines while acting suffocated. "Mr Choi, help me" The guy with a black suit just stare at him blankly then look away. "Yah! How could you do this to me?" Jeongyeon grunted.
Nayeon smiles mischievously as she drags the younger towards the terminal. "You're dead" She mumbles.
End of Withered Chapter 43. Continue reading Chapter 44 or return to Withered book page.