Withered - Chapter 44: Chapter 44

"I don't want to wake you up,
I'm on the beach,
Feels like you need to know."
Chaeyoung stare at the post-it note that sticks in front of Mina's door, standing there as he reads the simple message from her. The first sentence somehow makes him flash a small smile due to the fact that the girl cared enough not wanting to disturb his sleep though, he wasn't asleep at all. An hour ago, he heard his bedroom door creaking, signalling someone opening it and there could be no one else except Mina. Thankfully, he was lying facing the other side of the room, curled into a ball and had been staring blankly at the bedside lamp for hours---from the moment he settled down the bed until the morning- like an empty shell, nothingness, he became numb.
The moment he heard the small noise, he quickly closed his eyes, pretending to sleep but it was briefly ended as Mina closed the door back. He had guessed that she was only checking up on him, peaking inside. Chaeyoung fluttered his eyes open and snuggled closer to the already drenched pillow, burying his face down as he asked for comfort.
He takes off the sticky notes and sighs as he made his way towards the bathroom. Looking at his own reflection in the mirror, water dripping off his face, it made him chuckled. What a mess. He thought while touching his swollen eyes then winch as he realizes it feels sore and dry. But that small pain makes him thankful, at least... it's better than feeling nothing at all.
He cleans himself and takes a quick shower, not wanting to let the girl alone on the beach with the salty air blowing around. And with his knowledge---knowing the girl for years---she definitely doesn't bring any jacket and just mindlessly strolling around without any concern that she might become ill from exposure to the chilly wind.
Chaeyoung wears a simple white turtleneck sweater and a brown chinos pants, a blanket folded around his left arm while he brewing a cup of tea for her to drink later. The guy hurriedly jogs heading to the beach. He stops when he spots her walking along the shore---scattering gulls, giggling as she sometimes runs back and forth in the shallow.
He doesn't move and stand there, starting to question whether he's doing the right thing. He sighs staring at the light blue blanket hanging on his arm then slowly turns around---planning to walk back to the villa but his heart chooses the opposite.
I hate myself that I can't quit you. He only moves three steps then takes a glance before fully facing the ocean, again. Chaeyoung swings his feet towards the girl and keeps a distance between them, watching her from afar. It's just then he notices she doesn't wear her sandals but leaves it there, walking barefoot on the sand crystal. Probably feeling the sand squish slowly through her foot.
The sea is an eerie pale turquoise with a darker blue at the horizon, where the single sail of a yacht caught the light. A flock of seagulls is circling in a current of air over the beach, illuminated in the morning rays of the sun. His hair blowing in the wind as he waits and waits until she finally notices his presence. He beams a small smile which she responds back before she tucks her hair behind her ear.
"Done playing with the seagulls?" He asks as he walks closer, a playful tone in his voice. Mina chuckle and nod, eyes meet his when he arrives and stands in front of her. Chaeyoung opens the blanket and leans against her. For a moment, she thought she'll get a hug but the guy only brings the blanket behind her back and wraps it around her shoulder, providing her warmth.
"Thank you" She mumbles, a bit disappointed. He is still fixing the blanket, making sure it perfectly covered her body.
Chaeyoung plants his gaze back to her, smiling before he searches for her sandals and takes it. He pulls out his hand, gesturing Mina to hold him but the girl only stares at his palm, hesitating. Chaeyoung smile softly then reaches for her hand, holding it as he leads the way to the big flat rock. He gestures her to sit down on the rock while he kneels in front of her. The guy put her sandals down and lift her feet, she gasps and tries to extract but Chaeyoung's grip tightens making a firm statement not to move. Although they don't speak, action tells it all. Mina who feels awkward, obeys to the unspoken command and stay still.
Chaeyoung loosens his grip and dust off the remaining sand beneath her feet and between her toes, doing the same with the other. He puts on her sandals, and they fit her perfectly. A minute passes with him, just looking down while Mina has her eyes on him. When she can't bear the silence anymore, she cups one of his cold cheeks in her hand and slowly raises his head so their eyes meet.
Chaeyoung places his hand over hers. While his voice is steady at first but the more he speaks the shaker it becomes "From the moment I first saw you, I felt the connection between us---something about you captured my attention, and by that, I didn't mean your weeping sound" He looks away and chuckle bitterly remembering their first meeting
"...Then by fate and luck, we became friends, a good friend...... But as time passes, I took it for granted, all our smiles, laughs and memories. I wanted more... I turned to be greedy. I tried to admire you from a distance, just as I saw the stars in the sky, and knew I could never touch them. But we were too young and I was with you too often, to preserve that distance. You were my friend, my noona...and later I came to love you as deeply as any man could ever love a woman.....That never changed for me, although I've lied to myself for years" He pauses and takes a long breath "No matter how I want to deny it, you complete me and I will always, always love you"
Mina breaks the eye contact. That words are still a stranger for her where she still couldn't comprehend anything from it. He lowers his gaze and let his hands fall before positioning himself beside her, sitting side to side. Mina turns her body, facing him---thinking that she needs to say something or anything---while Chaeyoung has his eyes locked to the pounding surf. He leans forward, elbows tucked together at the top of his knees while his hands giving up to the gravity. Composed himself before he continues.
"But I can't do this anymore, I'm in so much pain that it is no more bearable. I can't lift it, I can't breathe...." He sucks the air and immediately exhales it, leaving a loud sigh just to empty the heaviness in his chest but it soon returns "I just want to feel fine again" He breathes out.
"I'm sorry for wounding your feelings, and for not noticing you...all this time" Muttered Mina softly but enough for him to hear her. She knows she'd said and done awful things towards him and now she is burdened by guilt.
His eyes soften, heart thumping as he takes a glance at her. He hates that she has that much of an effect to him and even more that he is the only one who feels it."You don't have to feel sorry. I just realized it's all in me, I am the one who catches this feeling and let it grow." He admitted.
"It's not your fault, you don't owe me anything.........you don't have to love me in return" No matter how much he wants her, he learns to accept that things do not always go as you hoped for or as you wish. Although he failed, at least he tried hard and the guy gives himself a pat for it. His first instinct when Mina rejected him, is to fly back to Korea, leaving her because he just can't see her anymore. He doesn't want to hear her voice and even look at her. But the thought vanished as soon as he reminded by the growing baby inside her womb. Their baby. A result of his mistakes and how it ruined the girl's life.
"It supposed to be me who has to say sorry for ruining everything and even your future. I don't want you to be caged and miss all the things that can make you happy and I want to stop longing for something that is so near but I couldn't reach..."
"...I'll let you go but you have to let me go too, so we can find our own happiness"
He is irresponsible, he knows it. To leave a pregnant woman and escape the reality for the sake of healing himself. But he swears that after Mina gives birth, he will come back and raise the baby his own. He always likes children and being a single father doesn't bother him.
At least that's what has been mapped inside his mind, his plan after their conversation over, but Mina has a different thought.
The girl catches hold of his shoulder and pulls him to completely face her. She smiles at him that somehow speaks reassurance as her hands travel down and soon intertwined with his. "Chaeyoung, you made me happy and you meant a lot to me, something I can't really put into words. I cared for you, more than anything even when you messed up, I still care and...I need you in my life" She finds his orbs but the look of his face is unreadable.
"You don't need me, you need someone. There's a difference." Chaeyoung snaps, but the tone of his voice made it obvious that he does not mean it in a way to hurt the girl's feelings.
"Chaeyoun---"
"Tell me, what do you want me to do?" He interjected.
"I want you....to stay"
*  *  *  *
"Thank you," Irene says to the cashier while making her way out of the store. She looks at the item that she has bought---pink beads and more pink beads. The girl smiles contentedly then walk herself to the bus stop. She just finishes her works for today that include of newspaper delivery early in the morning then cleans Mina and Chaeyoung's house because it is under her care for the moment, she also done her shift in the convenience store, car wash service and work as a hotel room cleaner. Thanks to her friend, Yeri who is the hotel manager giving her access to work whenever she has time and she will be paid by how many rooms she cleans.
And now the time pointing at 9.00 p.m sharp, she intends to visit her mother. Although it's already past visiting time, since she's well known in the hospital for her generosity plus her mother is one of those patients that had stayed for years in the wards, the security and nurse let her in after giving her a deadpan look. Of course, she treats them with coffee while smiling sheepishly before tiptoeing to her mother's room, not wanting to disturb other patients.
She settles down beside her mother and smiles sadly as she brushes the strand of hair that covers her mother's face. The girl opens the packet of pink beads and places it inside a small container. Accompanied by the bedside lamp, she continues completing her art---a beaded sakura tree sculpture.
Though the wireworking with seed beads cause her fingers some pain, she's happy that she decides to make the sculpture as it slowly shows its shapes.
"You've been working it for days. Is it for someone special?" Irene lifts her head and looks to the side just to realize that her mother already staring at her. She chuckles and slowly nods her heads.
"Is it a clue that I'm going to meet my son-in-law?" The old lady mockery of and let out a small laugh when Irene blush by the question. The daughter shakes her head vigorously while her hands hanging in the air, waving it. Clearly, disagree.
"I'm just kidding..eyy why so serious. Suspicious" The teases continue as Irene pout and whines, asking her mother to stop the teasing.
"Why make a sakura tree sculpture out of anything. You even hurt your finger?" The mother asks as she holds Irene's fingers that full with plaster. Irene smile recalling how the receiver of her gift is a person who loves flower. Always bought it every day then bury the old withered one.
"He likes flower, but it died easily. While a beaded flower stays lively and blooms every day"