Withered - Chapter 57: Chapter 57
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3 Years Later
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Bergen, Norway.
Fantastically charming. That's the words that had often left Mina's mouth as she stayed in the centre of seven mountains for so long, embraced by the overlooking sea. It provides the things that she awfully needing; peace, home, warmth and bonus, a dramatic landscape. The place has calmed the storm inside of her, broadens her mind and most importantly, her shelter to escape and hides from her reality and mend her wounded self.
But it never really did. When the guilt comes again to haunt her. She'll take in a breath. After all this time it still cuts just as deep, but its visits are less frequent and softer in duration. She won't cry hysterically but the tears just come out in silent whenever she's alone or reminded by a random object or just children running around passing her, spark the pain that she's not trying to forget but own it to make herself stronger, wiser than before.
Therefore, she keeps her eyes on the horizon and her mind tuned to create a positive future. Studied her history and learn not to do the same mistakes or she'll be doomed to repeat it.
It is no doubt that leaving is killing her soul as sure as a dagger can stop a beating heart. It isn't easy to leave even when it's the only option available. She knows that she already chooses to leave but she can't help to still think about him from time to time
Him.
There is no stronger glue in all the known universe than true love and she sees in his heart and mind that it is what they share. Yet there are times we must protect the self, protect our own hearts and souls if the damage that love brings is too much. She swore she wanted to walk with him through any and every storm, but it was akin to trying to hold a sharp-bladed sword for years as their love keeps betraying them. And though she tried, he broke her, literally, in pieces, in any possible way.
During those three years she has started college back and study medical degree. She has been too occupied with works and assignments. Or she purposely busies herself to distract her mind from thinking about him. All of this time, as if they are stranger, there's no interaction between them by phone call, email, third-person or anything. Whenever her sisters or parents contacted her, she never asks about him and they never speak about him either.
She knows at the moment of her argument with him, she was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter. The anger burned her on the way out, burning the one on the receiving end. Every time she blew, every mean thing she said, she reckoned the other person deserved it. There was the explosion and then the mental framework afterwards to avoid guilt.
That's how she stayed so foolish for so long, so immature, refusing to learn over and over--- sacrificing who her heart chooses, to keep a pristine ego. But that pain, that realisation, when she let it in, was more school than any classroom ever was. If she kept on being angry, how could she love anyone right?
In her heart, she retracts all the bad things she ever said, they were never a reflection on him, only her terrified soul had unleashed a demon. He worked hard and she only saw what he could not do.
She'll be a terrible liar if she declares that she does not worried about him and his wellness, if she does not miss him, if she does not consume by regret. She only hopes that someone will take care of him, love him, treat him better and lastly...
Stay with him until the very end, as she fails to do so.
"Hot choco?"
Mina train of thought cut off by a deep voice. She looks up from where she is sitting and smiles upon seeing the standing man before her, wearing a red hoodie then leans closer towards her as he grips the couch's armrest for support.
"Yes, please." She says in a playful pleading tone. He smiles and nods then walks away to the kitchen. Poorly, as soon as his back view disappears out of her sight, the smiles that once lighten her feature fades away. She is still hesitating by staying with him but the thought doesn't linger for a long time as she reminds herself that he had promised her while she had forgiven him and they are in the process of giving a second chance, another room for a new start.
Mina rubs her hands again her arms, warming herself from the chilling breeze. She heaves a deep sigh as she sits cosily by the flame, her feature illuminated by the flickering light, the only one in the room. Though the air isn't smokey, she can smell the pine as it burns, just a faint fragrance to reassure her senses that there will be comfort in the long bitter winter.
She raises herself a little and reaches for a desk beside the bright tan coloured couch she's sitting, opens the last drawer and digs a brown kraft paper. She knows exactly what the content is, one that added fuel to the flame. One that had hurt her, one that caused her trust to be broken again. Things that gave her the last push to the edge and she decided to leave. She had kept it for so long, not convinced by what she saw, she's still hoping for an explanation. So reluctant to face the real facts although she knows one day she would face no choice, for she is trying so hard to stop the vicious, secular things her mind is already turning them into. But no matter how she wishfully thinks it is a fraud, the evidence is crystal clear. She's not ready to meet the guy after all those years only to knows the truth and listen to his own words, and spill salt to her open wound.
She slowly stands and let the blanket that once engulfed her body falls to the couch as she walks closer to the fireplace. Her grips tighten, causing the paper to cease, this it. Time to let it go, and stop resisting the truth. The longer she keeps it, the deeper it will hurt her when it's proven true. Her grasp loosens as she stares to the flame curl and sway, flicking this way and that, crackling as they burn the dry wood. She then throws it, feeding the brown kraft paper into the hungry fire and watch it burns until all that is left of it is some ash and an imperceptible darkening of the sandy brickwork.
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|Flashback|
"..... Meeting you is my biggest regret"
All she could feel was anger and disappointment, she wants to end them because then she didn't have to trust him, love him. It'll be safer, easier to choose not to stay. And she knows she was hiding the truth from herself, of how much this was really to do with sadness and the scars that just won't heal. She watched as he started towards the door, and stared on his back view getting further and further.
"I love you and I'm sorry"
Hearing those, the hurricane that storming inside of her almost vanished instantly. She knew her happiness was inside his pocket, once he stepped out from the door, nothing will ever be the same again. No longer she was on her feet, instead, curled to the cold carpet. Her mind devoid of the light he'd given all this time but also the pain. Her thoughts fell into an endlessly repeating loop, 'Is this what she really wants?'
As there was a moment of silence, she wants to reply to him, to call out for him but as if someone was choking her, the words won't come out from her dry throat. Her vision started to gets blurry, she knew she will faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards are being replaced by some kind of black hole. Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head and the world went black. The last thing she saw was him, walking away out of the room and disappeared.
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"It's been a week. How much longer are you going to be like this? You only eat a meal a day no more than two spoons only after we forced you." Momo said, an evident frustration lain beneath her tone. She was standing beside Sana who was sitting on the bedside chair, both were staring at their younger sister that lying with a blanket draped over her up until her shoulder while facing the other side of the room. The youngest showed no sign of turning around or speak, only small sniffles coming from her.
Momo gritted her teeth as she let out a long heavy sigh "Crying nonstop won't bring your daughter back!" Her voice raised as the younger's behaviour are becoming more and more unacceptable. She earned a fiery gaze from Sana, not only she was yelling to a sick person but also throwing blades with her words.
"Momo. Out" Sana commanded as their eyes locked, letting the staring become the next form of communication. Sana's eyes rest, not unblinking but slowed; yet the effect was soft and calming instead of harsh. Momo understands the meaning behind those orbs, despite the unpleasantly rough words Sana just used, Sana's eyes telling her differently, she was consoling her.
"You pamper her too much Sana," Momo said then threw her gaze to the youngest "If you that desperate to die. Go and starve yourself" She shook her head and walked away, leaving the room with a thud on the door.
Sana sighed deeply and averted her eyes to Mina "She cares for you so much" She uttered softly then caress the younger's arms "I know everything must be hard for you but I know my little sister. She's a strong and smart girl. People say things in anger Mina, even something they don't mean. I know that you're not only saddened by the loss of the baby but also Chaeyoung." She stopped for a second as Mina shifted her position and buried herself deeper under the blanket.
"For now, just rest but after you have calmed down, go meet him and have a proper conversation, before it's too late." Sana continued "I'll leave the tray here, better finish it or that jokbal maniac will be mad. You know, she can get scary sometimes" She chuckled and moved the tray of food from on top of her lap to the bedside table "Call me if you need anything".
Sana makes a beeline towards the door when suddenly she halted her step and turned around "One more thing Mina, Momo keeps complaining about you being dispirited and it worries her. Mom asked us to give you more time and said that there's no greater pain than a mother who loses her child. I disagree" With that being said, she watched the younger slowly raised her head and face her as the younger's curiosity and confusion peaks in the wonder of what Sana is trying to deliver.
"There's no greater pain than parents who loses their child. He suffered the same as you do Mina. I don't think you know that" Sana gave her a faint smile then slowly vanished from the younger eyesight.
For a moment Mina was unguarded. She paused, overcomes with the power and effect of what Sana had said. Her sister had shown her other perspective she didn't think really existed. She was too overwhelmed by the wound on her until she can't see him bleeding.
She laid her head back on the soft mattress of the hospital bed as she lost in the friction of the mind. If her thoughts were visible they would be an inverse explosion, crazy chaotic turns and twists of light all coming together to one idea, one word. His name. Mina shut her eyes as she makes a note to herself to meet him after she discharged.
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The Lexus came to a roundabout with a fountain at the centre, sweep around it, and continue up toward a fantastic wooden house. "I'll fetch you later kay?" Momo said as she rolled down her car's window and looked up to the younger who was standing on the street. Mina bent down a little to lined her face to her sister's and subtly shook her head.
"No need unnie. I want to stroll around for a while. And thank you Momo unnie for taking care of me" Mina pressed her lips and bowed her head. She was quite embarrassed after she received the latest scolding from Momo she knew her sister is rarely mad especially towards her. Therefore, whenever Momo did, it meant she really upset her.
Momo smiled and poked the mole on Mina's nose bridge "Then treat me jokbal later" She playfully said but the younger who took her words seriously nodded in full enthusiasm which made Momo burst into laughter "I'll get going then"
Mina nodded and waved her hands as she watched her sister drove to the bottom of the street then no longer visible in her sight. She looked around the street, there was no other soul except her. She will be coming home under lantern-shine as its golden rays mingle with the first light of a new day, she stood in front of a house, a familiar one. She entered the gate and walked on the rock pathway through the yard. She stopped for a moment and roamed her eyes around.
These yards were Chaeyoung's favourite place. Perhaps she had to go far away to appreciate it, but never again. She saw its everyday beauty for the wonder it was and knew this was where he was most at peace. For all the while there was that silvery sheen, even the gold of the daffodils. She closed her eyes, listening to the birdsong and breathed deeply. The sweet smell of flowers cut through the soft scent of the morning's dewy grass.
As she uncovered her eyes, she was transported to a visit of her precious memory.
"You're playing with fire," He says as I playfully attacking his face with the water spray. He looks quite ridiculous and funny.
I giggles "Then I reckon it's a good thing I've got myself a mighty powerful garden hose to keep that fire from getting out of control" I can't stop grinning as I hold the nozzle tighter, aiming his face again.
"Too late," With a cheeky smile, he charged into the water's cold, wet, arching stream. I shriek as I spin around to flee, dragging the hose behind me. Three long strides and Chaeyoung manages to step on the hose, easily jarring it loose from my grasp, I try to fight but he's too fast. Reeling it in, he takes hold of the still-spraying nozzle as I flee away, still, he caught me. I'm having too much fun, it seems like we're being a child again.
Mina smiled. She could still hear their voices and laughter. She was so happy that time, never knew what was awaiting them. She sighed and proceeded walking, unlocking the door of their house. The house was welcoming from the open door to the wide living room. Mina knew the moment she stepped inside, she'll be comforted by a new feeling, one that only the house could give. A place where her lungs choose to fill a little deeper and her heart beat a little steadier.
But she's unprepared of what was going to greet her. When she fully inside the house, she stood as gormless as a guppy. Never before had she noticed how time was so much like water; that it can pass slowly, a drop at a time. The last time she was here, she didn't pay attention to her surrounding as it was hard to make out the details in darkness and she was too preoccupied with Chaeyoung's arrival. But now, the words inside the banner that hung loosely on the wall took her breath away.
'Do you want to marry me, penguin'
He was intending to propose. That night should be a wonderful and historic night. Mina couldn't believe how cruel is fate towards them. They are the villain of her life when everything seems nice, it just came without warning, snatching all she had built, her happiness. It always had a way to part them, putting a test into their relationship more than they could handle until their love broke. Even so, love was powerful, but fate was unstoppable.
She slowly walked to the living room, examining the decoration in appreciation of his effort. Candles arranged on top of the table, creating a love shaped with a box of chocolate in the centre, a bouquet of roses sat next to it. She walked deeper until she arrived at the kitchen.
Here, exactly where she was standing was where they danced as they were accompanied by the morning light, it was also where they had their first kiss. She smiled warmly at the thought and remembered it precisely. For the time their lips were locked together, her heart fluttered inside her chest. It was a delicate butterfly of a kiss, soft and meaningful. Quite embarrassing to her as she was the one who initiated the moves.
Mina shook her head, she was lost in the awakened memories until she forgot the reason she came to the place---to talk to Chaeyoung. She swung her feet to the second floor, in search of the guy then arrived at their bedroom's door. She sighed when she concluded that the man wasn't there, in the house. She startedd to wonder where he might be and hoped nothing bad happened to him since no one seemed to know where he was and to make things worse, his phone cannot be reached. She decided to wait for him as she sat on the bed, looking around the room until her eyes stopped on a brown kraft paper next to her.
It was weird. As far as she remembered, the brown paper wasn't visible the last time she was inside the room. Chaeyoung never use those kinds of paper instead he preferred the white envelope except the paper came from someone else, maybe someone posted or delivered it when they were not at home. She took the paper and flipped it around to find any name on it, but the cover was pure empty. Not caring much of the content, she mindlessly unsealed it.
Pictures. That was what inside. Her brows arched in confusion not until she identified the person in the photograph. She hated it, the feeling of betrayal. Her trust, her heart wasn't only broken but shattered into fragments more numerous than the stars, whenever she tried to gather the pieces back, again and again, it was crushed. Heavy, the air seemed to be as the agonizingly long as days drew on. She wanted to be denial, she really wanted to trust him but the picture was an evidence of his deception. Seeing proofs of your lover, laughing, spent time, staying together and kissing other woman was enough to break the little hope of her that their love still stands a chance.
She awakened from the rage of emotions when her phone rung. She took it out from her handbag, faint smiles crossed her face when she saw the name of the caller.
[Oh, Mina. Tzuyu just phoned me and said that Chaeyoung is currently with Airin. Is that how you pronounced the name? Anyway, he is with the housemaid. Might as well meet the maid first and ask her where is Chaeyoung]
The line went silent for a beat.
[Hello?]
"Y-yeah. I'm listening. Thank you for telling me unnie" she succeeded to talk in her most normal voice without suddenly broke down. She ended the call as she blinked briny tears and shut her eyes. Breathing deeply as she tried to control her emotions though she failed. The tears made wet tracks down her face and dripped from her stubbled chin. She abruptly stood, taking another glance to the pictures that currently crumpled due to her tight grip. She shoved it back inside the brown paper, bringing it with her as she walked away, leaving the house.
She closed the gate, covering her mouth with her palm to stop her endless sobs and the small crystal beads that trailed down her cheeks to her neck, and her chest, only to melt into the cloth she wore. On second thought, she wanted to ring her sister but she didn't want them to be worried, hence she decided to calm herself somewhere. She bowed her head, not desiring anyone pity or attention. She fastened her step as she walked down the street and runs when suddenly she bumped into someone, almost causing her to falls backwards if it was not because of the stranger's fast reflexes to catch her before she hits the rough pavement.
She quickly regained her composure and bowed apologetically as her eyes never left the ground surface. She walked past the strangers, wanted to leave the scene when her hand were grabbed from behind. She turned around in slight fear and surprised, raising her eyes. It was then, she just realized, the stranger is him, looking at her in wonder and confusion.
"Jeongie" Her voice cracked as other sobs are heard.
"Why are you crying? What happened" He asked as he closed the gap between them, rubbing her arms to console her but the girl didn't show any sign of answering as her breath quickened and her tears burst. He did what everyone would do, he embraced her and softly caressed her hair. His other hand is preoccupied with a box and a bouquet of flower "I've bought baby's clothes to congratulate---" His sentence was cut off when the girl cried louder, her tears soaked into his shirt. His eyes went wide and he pulled her closer "I'm sorry if I say something wrong. Shh, it's okay. Everything will be fine. You'll be okay" He cooed her as they stayed a little bit longer. His eyes soon landed on the brown paper, gripped tightly by the girl. Staring at it with his dull orbs then diverted her attention back to the girl. While inside his pockets hidden two plane tickets to Norway.
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"You keep spacing out, Mina"
She blinks and in an instant all the past cast away, enough to wakes her to come back to the time. She smiles when she feels him wrapping a blanket around her body, almost burying her inside like a butterfly in her shell. "Thank you," She says softly and take the glass he offered then follows him as he pulls her to the couch. They sit next to each other, warming themselves by the fireplace. Her hands around the glass surface, seeking warmth.
"Is everything okay?" He asks, placing his hand on her shoulder, lightly squeeze it.
"All good" She looks at him in the eyes, as if to convince him that she truly meant it. She smiles and glances towards the window. The snow has a purity that elevates the spirit, the world made as pristine as a book ready for new stories. And after this rest, this deep breath of cool fresh air, we are ready for the sweet mischief of spring.
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Jeju Island, South Korea.
The disembodied voices of souls that once walked the earth seem to be carried through the fog that is rising from the cracks in the porous path. Rows of tombstones stand erect in silence to the left and right, in front and behind. She's alone, no other living human being is seen around but she's not afraid.
To enter the cemetery she must skirt around a pile of brown frosted leaves, the innumerable flashing fragments shine in the brilliant wintry light, for today there is no weather; no wind, no cloud, just subzero temperatures. Even the leaf stems lie white and sharp. Ahead the path glistens like white quartz, yet ice crystals on weary concrete are all it is. All this beauty over everything dead. And here she is to add to it with a bunch of pink tulips in her gloved hand.
She let her feet tread lightly over the white mud, creating lonely footprints until she is there. Her eyes resting on the specific gravestone before she bent down and brush the snow that covered his name, her heart hearing the sound of his voice as if he were right there with her.
"I come to visit." She says softly and place the tulips in front of the stone, then eyed the engagement carved on it,
'Do know that I'm always there, alive inside your heart'
She smiles, "I'm sorry my visit are becoming less frequent." As if waiting for an answer but received none, she hopes there's at least a whisper though she knows it just her stupid dreaming. "I miss you. I'm sorry that I can't protect you. That I'm too weak" She can't simply let the melancholy cloak fall to the ground and though she held it so tight she can't find the warmth she needs, yet it clings. It is the anchor to her feet, the reason she can't find that feeling of soft joy that lives in memories that can't rise within but only bitter memory about him.
"I have to go. I'll see you again papa" She says as the sun sink lower in the sky giving way to the velvety dark of night. She has to prepare for dinner. She gives one last smiles and leaves the place. A black Mercedes is waiting for her outside the gate, she bowed to thank the driver as he opens the passenger's door for her. She still not used to be treated as a Miss let alone living in such a wealthy life.
The car drives off and soon arrives in a house located deeper inside the forest where the empty field has lain. The house is a huge series of rectangles constructed of steel and glass. It stands amidst the manicures lawn as if beamed there. The roof is flat and there is no visible chimney. Through the glass, she could see warm orange glows illuminating every inch of the house.
She makes a beeline towards the metallic front door when suddenly a man in his 40s stop her. "What is it, Mr Kang? Did something happens to him?" She asks, her voice shivers as her face goes pale. The butler sighs and asked her to follow his lead. They soon arrive at the back of the house where you could see the endless sea from the beach miles away. In the yard, there's a single man in a wheelchair wearing a light cream sweater and a white beanie, a brown blanket sits on his laps where his hand hugging a pot of sakura beaded flower.
"Young master has been there for two hours. He refuses to went inside" Mr Kang says, as they watch the man from afar.
"I'll talk to him. Mr Kang can go inside first, it's getting colder. I'll help the maids to prepare dinner" She says. The butler smiles then bowed before he takes his leaves. She sighs and walks closer to the man.
The man has his eyes shut. The snow alighted on his face softer than the kisses his first love used to plant, and just as cold as the memories had turned. Under the pristine layer of crystalline water, the path he trod as a child, walking with her hand in hand. He wants to turn the pages back and dwell on the fine details: her weird looking walk habit, how she has difficulty to sleep and required a pair of sock to send her into dreamland, how she never got too old to splash in the puddles. But life is pulling him forward into the unknown with one hand and erasing his past with the other. His thoughts were thicker than the blizzard, "She's gone. The colours of spring will come but she won't."
In this swirl of white, the world is washed anew, like a new page, and though he's still engulfed with grief, he's more than ready to start a new phase, a new journey and perhaps....
"Youngie" a soft voice breakthrough the air.
A new love.
He opens his eyes, a more lovely sight awaited him. There stands a girl, wearing a long wool pea coat and under it is a black tee and a purple scarf around her neck. Her hazel-nut hair curls fall down her back. Her lips are carefully tinted red and her skin is flawless. He sees tiny flecks on snow on her dark lashes, framing her pretty brown eyes. Her cheeks are slightly pink, he assumed it is from the cold. A girl that has stayed with him in all those horrible years where it's physically and psychologically brutal and the reality that he has turn quadriplegic and what he had lost.
Her expression is so far away, a serenity that never failed to put him at ease and now It's her expression that made him smiles. "How's the visit to your father?"
"Good." She replies in a robotic tone, a thing where he learns that the girl is probably angry with him, which he knows the reason why. She takes off her coat and wraps it around his shoulder. She kneeS with one knee in front of him as she grasps his hands and blows into it, rubbing their hands together "What are you doing here for so long? Your hand is freezing" she says, trying to warm him up.
"I can't feel it. The cold" His tone is flat causing the girl to look at him in the eyes. As if her anger is a small spark of fire suddenly being washed by a bucket of water, it disappears. She's not even mad at him but the worry is all. She knows what he means, and today, she could never be more sadden then his statement.
A faint smile crosses her feature. "Still. It affects your body. Let's get inside hmm?" She raises her brows, trying to persuade him.
"Can I stay a little bit longer?" He asks more like pleading by the sound of his tone and that visible pout of him.
She sighs and sits more comfortably on the ground, settling down beside his wheelchair. She's wearing tight leggings and she could feel her legs already goes numb by the direct contact to the ground. She brings her knee up to her chest and hugs it."Then I'll stay here with you" She determined.
He watches her with wide eyes and says, "No, you have to get inside. I don't want you to get sick" he reaches for her hair, slowly caressing it as his movement is limited.
"Me neither" She answered causing him to chuckles.
"You're really stubborn" he shakes his head.
"I learn it from you" She fights.
"Alright, alright. I raise my white flag. You won" He laughs as the girl hurriedly stands and brushes the snowflake over her legs then gives him the victory grin.
The electric wheelchair is equipped with a manual freewheel lever mounted on each motor. She identifies it by their bright yellow tip and disengages the drive motors so that the chair can be moved manually. She walks behind him and pushes it ever so slowly.
"The Sakura is really beautiful. I like it" He says, hands tracing the beaded petal of the wired tree on his lap. She smiles hearing him and continues walking. The butler greets them as they reach the front door and opening the door for them. Inside is minimalist, comforted by the warmth of orange glows. The walls are fashionable shades of white and the floor polished concrete. There is no sentimentality for chintz but on the walls are the most astonishing painting. The only organic matter insight is white orchids on the dark cherry coffee table. The kitchen is large enough for an army of people as there are three maids currently busy themselves. A sweet and rich aroma filling the space as if having a small conversation with the light jazz music coming from the plasma television.
He looks at the flickering pine tree, with its tiers of lights, decorated by various ornament as it stands proudly at the corner of the living room. There are no stairs inside the house instead, a lift as a way to reach the second and third floor. She walks him passed the lift as his room is located on the first floor.
"Let me wash my face. Don't worry, I can handle it" He says as they enter the en-suite room with a plasma screen, a king-sized bed and a walk-in wardrobe. She nods in reluctance and engages the drive motors on the wheelchair for him to control it automatically.
"I'll be in the kitchen," She says while he gives her a reassurance smiles. She averts her attention to his brown wristwatch and lightly touches the black small knob at the crown of the watch. "You know what to do if there's something wrong, press the button" she reminds him as he smiles and nods in understanding, she'll definitely tell him at least ten times a day and he never is bored listening to it.
He watches himself, there in the reflection of the full-length silver framed mirror near the gleaming granite countertops. He carefully takes off his beanie and sweater, exposing his upper body. He examines the guy in the mirror, cuts on his wrist and stomach when he tries to free himself from the guilt of hurting someone he truly loves. Then there, marks on his neck from the failed suicide attempts when he was first awakened from coma state and realized he could not move any of his limbs. He was paralyzed from the neck down after spinal cord injury, he was devastated, angry and it drove him crazy to do rushed action.
"Don't be stupid! Killing yourself wouldn't change anything. Hyung please"
"Look at me Tzuyu-yah. Look at me!! I lost her, I lost my child and I lost myself all at once. I'm a disabled man! a broken thing! I can't even drink on my own, I can not do anything. To feel the pain every night, my body itself is killing me. I can't. It's too painful Tzuyu-yah, I want to end the suffering"
"We are here. Your family, you are not alone, we will stand by your side and take care of you. Those who truly love you will stay no matter how hard it is. At least, fight for mom. She's watching us, she must not want you to die in vain. Life has much more meaning hyung, I can show you so take my hand. Let me help you"
He's glad that he took his brother's hand and now he is still breathing, living. Things slowly but surely changed over time. It's been a journey. He is challenged every day. Through research, he discovered an exercise program in Jeju then soon chosen to stay. The first decisive decision he ever made after he went paralyzed. But she came with him, in every path, in every step she was there beside him the entire time. She made it possible for him, to be independent from his family, to be with other paraplegics. That's what gave him fresh air. With luck and determination, his condition improves day by day, he can finally move his arms, though he has bad dexterity and his triceps are weak.
He smiles faintly, not noticing the single lonely crystal bead escaping his left eyes. He stares at the man in the mirror, "You did the best you could do. You fight hard and I'm proud of you. Let's forgive ourselves, let her go and see the world in a new light" he says and breathe deeply. He proceeds washing his face when he heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Youngie? Are you there" her voice calls out.
He chuckles and wipes his face, putting his sweater back on and wear his beanie. He gives a last look to the mirror, making sure his eyes are not puffy or red then smiles widely. He pushes the joystick on the armrest towards the sliding door and pushes a single button on the frame. "I was staring at my face. Quite shock how good-looking I am" he says playfully as the door slides open revealing the girl practising of biting her fingernails. He sees that she has change into a knee-length white dress.
She sighs in relief then flick his forehead as a punishment for teasing around. The butler calls a young, tall and muscular man named Hahn. Chaeyoung will be needing assistance to move him from the wheelchair to the bed.
Hahn carefully lifts Chaeyoung's body by the shoulder and gently places him on the bed, while another man helps to raise his legs as Chaeyoung rest against the headboard. "I'll take it from here. Thank you" The girl says as she bowed to them while they do the same then leaves the room. She places the wheelchair next to the bedside table then sits on the edge of the soft mattress. She tucks the blanket on him, up until his waist. "I'll take the food, wait a little bit" She taps his hands and is about to stand when he catches her thumb and tighten his grip.
"Can you stay.....a few more minutes?" He asks as she looks at him in surprise before her eyes soften. She nods and moves to the other side of the bed, tuck herself under the same blanket as she sits beside him. There's a comfortable silence engulfing them, not until she feels his hand, holding her behind the covers and something he put inside her palm. She glances at him and raises her hand, it's a silver orbit amethyst compass locket and behind it engraved a sentence,
'Showing you the way'
"A gift." He whispers as they both staring at the pendant. "Here, let me help" he takes the necklace and put it around her neck as she swipes her hair to one side. "Do you like it?" he asks as he finished fasten it. "I personally designed the locket. Hope it's not that hideous" A nervous chuckle leaves his mouth as the girl is still wordlessly staring in the silvery necklace.
"It's stunning." She smiles and looks at him "I love it. But I don't have anything to give now" her voice trails away as her expression turns gloomy.
"Well..." He breaks their eye contact and shyly says "..a warm hug will do" It is the peek of champagne pink infused his dimpled cheeks with the blossoming smile and his eyes shine in a way you could see the winking stars inside his orbs. She laughs and scoots closer, opening her arms which without hesitation, he snuggles into her embrace, resting his head against her shoulder while her arms wrap around his back and temple.
He loves the softness, the quiet, the sense of rest. His thoughts slowed as a beautiful carousel. The wind swoops up, over the heights, rushes and rustles through the grasses as crickets start to sing. Sleep pools in his eyelids as he closes his eyes.
"Merry Christmas, Rene-yah" He breathes softly.
"Merry Christmas, Youngie" She answers then heard small snores. She glances at him and smiles sadly. Inside her pocket dress, sits a white envelope, something up until now she couldn't deliver the letter to him. She's afraid of the content, and what effect it could bring to him. She isn't sure that keeping the letter a secret is the best for him but one thing for sure, he is happy now. He decides to start a new life and the letter could only bring him back to the darl void of the past.
===============
|Flashback|
"Tzuyu told me, he is with you," Mina said. In the cafe, they sat across each other. Anonymously, the cafe was the colour of royal blue, glistening in the first golden rays of the day and the jazz pours out of the open doors along with the aroma of freshly baked lasagne. It was warm and comfortable but not the air that surrounded them. It spoke no more than a raising intensity and heavy atmosphere."I want to see him, I have something to say" Though her voice might sound normal to strangers lain within it were perfectly controlled anger and fear.
"He doesn't want to meet anyone at the moment...even you" Irene stated as her eyes not even twitched by the deep and lethal stare the other girl thrown at her.
Mina left astonished. She lowered her gaze as she started to lose her composure. She pressed her lips and took out an envelope from her handbag, putting it on the table. "Can you give this to him? I'll leave the country in two days and I hope I can meet him for the last time." She trailed away as her eyes unfocused. She breathed out and looked at her "Tell him that before my flight, I'll wait for him in the park we used to go. 3 o'clock" It never sounded as a request but more like a command from her.
"Noted" Irene said.
"Thank you, I'll take my leave" Mina's voice remained flat and emotionless as the words sound insincere. She stood and wore her handbags, bowed then walked away. As she walked past their table her step halted when she heard her name being called.
"Mina-sii, I am sure the ring you're wearing is no longer belongs to you. You should give to the rightful owner" Irene uttered, knowing how deadly her words were, at least to Mina as both understood the meaning behind it. Mina unconsciously clenched her fist, gripping to her dress as her face darkened like gathering storm clouds. She gritted her teeth and sighed in defeat. She raised her left hand, tracing the curve of the ring with her fingertips before she slipped it off from her ring finger. She placed it on the table and without another glance, she walked out of the cafe.
Irene stared at the ring and envelope. In fact, Chaeyoung was still asleep, he hadn't woken up for more than a week. She was hesitating. What she just did was wrong and she could still fix it, it was still not too late to chase after Mina, tell her the truth and delivered Mina's messages and envelope to Chaeyoung, so they could meet again.
"Stop thinking."
She heard a deep voice speaking from behind. She recognized the voice though she had never seen his face, it was him. She stayed rigid in her place, learning that the guy was sitting on the table behind her, the entire time she had a conversation with Mina.
"You've come this far. There's no turning back."
"I thought she never loved him, that she betrayed the love he has for her. You offered me the task, saying that I could free him, but what I did hurt him more than she did. He is the happiest when he's with her. I did everything you asked so please, let them meet for one last time." She pleaded as regret washed over her. How she long to go back and declined his offers, but now that was impossible. There was no time-turner. There was no way back.
"That will not happen. You know it don't you? You did this for your own good, for your selfish feelings towards him. We've come to an agreement. I give you the job at his house, I paid your mother bill and I help investigated your father case. I think it's fair and equal."
"I'll leave the last paper regarding your father trial here. This will be our last meeting Irene-sii but I'll always watching you. Don't try anything stupid. I hope the best for you and take good care of him."
Soon, she heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor and footstep that faded away. She turned around, no one longer occupied the chair as on top of the wooden table, sat a pile of paper inside a blue plastic envelope. She bit her lips as her eyes went red and her chest became heavy then tears slid down her cheeks as a released from the building up emotions.
"You really are, pathetic" She murmured to herself.
==============
"I'm sorry. I really am" She whispers near Chaeyoung's ear while rubbing his arms. If only she knew that the separation between him and Mina could affect him this bad, ruining his life, she hopes she does not meet him in the first place.
Though she's tired of thinking about it since no amount of analysis is going to turn back the clock, the guilt and regret keep haunting her, enough with the deep scars all over her arms-- the evidence of her evil doings to take the life of a pure soul-- will stayed with her till her very last breathe. She has vowed to take care of him, to be with him in every possible way, to repay her fault and for the love, she has for him.
The door suddenly creaks open, gaining her attention. She quickly looks away and wipes the tears that she doesn't even realise streaming down her face the whole time. She then looks to the door direction where a child holding a crayon are staggering unsteadily to the bed. She wants to catch him on the spot, afraid he'll fall but she doesn't want to disturb Chaeyoung's sleep, instead, she reaches out her hand and tells the child repeatedly "Slowly, step by step."
The child climbed up the bed crawls to her while she caught his wrist and guides him to sit on her lap. "Papa" The child softly utters as he pokes Chaeyoung's cheeks.
"Papa is asleep. Cannot play with him right now" She ruffles his hair and smiles when the child looks at her with pouty lips. He escapes her grip as she watches him crawls to Chaeyoung' lap, hugging his waist akin of a koala hugging the tree. With no time, the child follows Chaeyoung into dreamland, maybe they are playing there, at least that's what she thinks.
She slips off the bed and slowly lay Chaeyoung's body to the side. She covers them with a blanket--- almost up until Chaeyoung's shoulder until she remembered that the boy is still there, he'll be bury inside it--- hence, she keeps the blanket levels to the waist, staring at the lovely sight almost like a father and his child. She is surrounded by those she loves the most, and she could never be happier than that. She plants a soft kiss on Chaeyoung's forehead and on the child's cheek before she walks away, decides to wake them up when the dinner is ready.
* * * *
Aurora Orphan Home,
Jeju Island, South Korea
"Sister, if God is powerful, why does He allow pain and suffering?" A boy asks as he watches the sunset at the horizon. The defiant sky adorned itself with brilliant reds and oranges, clothed itself in garish splendour. It's red, a not very convincing colour to the boy as if the sky is filled with dried blood.
Sister Cecilia smiles as she sits beside the boy, resting against a huge tree. "Someone asked me the same question as you did, years ago in this exact same place and we were watching the sunset too." Her delicate soft-spoken words enough to keep him at comforts, calming the storm inside his mind. "And even up until now, my answer is still the same, I do not know why"
The boy looks at her with disbelief and confusion. Sister Cecilia smiles to him and averts her eyes to the sunset. "God reminds us that the world has order and beauty but is also wild and dangerous. While we do not always know why we suffer, we can bring our pain and grief to God and trust that He is wise and knows what He's doing." She says as if giving him a hint to complete the Jigsaw puzzle inside his mind.
She glances at the boy "Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then---"
"But then we will see everything with perfect clarity. 1 Corinthians 13:12, " The boy says finishing her sentence as he shows her pure smiles.
Sister Cecilia takes out candy with polka dots wraps and put it inside the boy's palm "Someday we'll see with clarity, but for now, things are foggy. We can't understand everything from our finite perspective.....Perhaps, it is to make us wiser, stronger and more independence, a better version of ourself." She says. "Eat the candy, it will make you feel a lot better. Sweet and crunchy" She smiles at him and stands. "The sunset is dazzling." The last words she says before she leaves the boy to think of what she had just said.
"Indeed. For a flower to blooms, it needs to feel the rain and winds too"
* * * *
Bergen, Norway.
Fantastically charming. That's the words that had often left Mina's mouth as she stayed in the centre of seven mountains for so long, embraced by the overlooking sea. It provides the things that she awfully needing; peace, home, warmth and bonus, a dramatic landscape. The place has calmed the storm inside of her, broadens her mind and most importantly, her shelter to escape and hides from her reality and mend her wounded self.
But it never really did. When the guilt comes again to haunt her. She'll take in a breath. After all this time it still cuts just as deep, but its visits are less frequent and softer in duration. She won't cry hysterically but the tears just come out in silent whenever she's alone or reminded by a random object or just children running around passing her, spark the pain that she's not trying to forget but own it to make herself stronger, wiser than before.
Therefore, she keeps her eyes on the horizon and her mind tuned to create a positive future. Studied her history and learn not to do the same mistakes or she'll be doomed to repeat it.
It is no doubt that leaving is killing her soul as sure as a dagger can stop a beating heart. It isn't easy to leave even when it's the only option available. She knows that she already chooses to leave but she can't help to still think about him from time to time
Him.
There is no stronger glue in all the known universe than true love and she sees in his heart and mind that it is what they share. Yet there are times we must protect the self, protect our own hearts and souls if the damage that love brings is too much. She swore she wanted to walk with him through any and every storm, but it was akin to trying to hold a sharp-bladed sword for years as their love keeps betraying them. And though she tried, he broke her, literally, in pieces, in any possible way.
During those three years she has started college back and study medical degree. She has been too occupied with works and assignments. Or she purposely busies herself to distract her mind from thinking about him. All of this time, as if they are stranger, there's no interaction between them by phone call, email, third-person or anything. Whenever her sisters or parents contacted her, she never asks about him and they never speak about him either.
She knows at the moment of her argument with him, she was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter. The anger burned her on the way out, burning the one on the receiving end. Every time she blew, every mean thing she said, she reckoned the other person deserved it. There was the explosion and then the mental framework afterwards to avoid guilt.
That's how she stayed so foolish for so long, so immature, refusing to learn over and over--- sacrificing who her heart chooses, to keep a pristine ego. But that pain, that realisation, when she let it in, was more school than any classroom ever was. If she kept on being angry, how could she love anyone right?
In her heart, she retracts all the bad things she ever said, they were never a reflection on him, only her terrified soul had unleashed a demon. He worked hard and she only saw what he could not do.
She'll be a terrible liar if she declares that she does not worried about him and his wellness, if she does not miss him, if she does not consume by regret. She only hopes that someone will take care of him, love him, treat him better and lastly...
Stay with him until the very end, as she fails to do so.
"Hot choco?"
Mina train of thought cut off by a deep voice. She looks up from where she is sitting and smiles upon seeing the standing man before her, wearing a red hoodie then leans closer towards her as he grips the couch's armrest for support.
"Yes, please." She says in a playful pleading tone. He smiles and nods then walks away to the kitchen. Poorly, as soon as his back view disappears out of her sight, the smiles that once lighten her feature fades away. She is still hesitating by staying with him but the thought doesn't linger for a long time as she reminds herself that he had promised her while she had forgiven him and they are in the process of giving a second chance, another room for a new start.
Mina rubs her hands again her arms, warming herself from the chilling breeze. She heaves a deep sigh as she sits cosily by the flame, her feature illuminated by the flickering light, the only one in the room. Though the air isn't smokey, she can smell the pine as it burns, just a faint fragrance to reassure her senses that there will be comfort in the long bitter winter.
She raises herself a little and reaches for a desk beside the bright tan coloured couch she's sitting, opens the last drawer and digs a brown kraft paper. She knows exactly what the content is, one that added fuel to the flame. One that had hurt her, one that caused her trust to be broken again. Things that gave her the last push to the edge and she decided to leave. She had kept it for so long, not convinced by what she saw, she's still hoping for an explanation. So reluctant to face the real facts although she knows one day she would face no choice, for she is trying so hard to stop the vicious, secular things her mind is already turning them into. But no matter how she wishfully thinks it is a fraud, the evidence is crystal clear. She's not ready to meet the guy after all those years only to knows the truth and listen to his own words, and spill salt to her open wound.
She slowly stands and let the blanket that once engulfed her body falls to the couch as she walks closer to the fireplace. Her grips tighten, causing the paper to cease, this it. Time to let it go, and stop resisting the truth. The longer she keeps it, the deeper it will hurt her when it's proven true. Her grasp loosens as she stares to the flame curl and sway, flicking this way and that, crackling as they burn the dry wood. She then throws it, feeding the brown kraft paper into the hungry fire and watch it burns until all that is left of it is some ash and an imperceptible darkening of the sandy brickwork.
===============
|Flashback|
"..... Meeting you is my biggest regret"
All she could feel was anger and disappointment, she wants to end them because then she didn't have to trust him, love him. It'll be safer, easier to choose not to stay. And she knows she was hiding the truth from herself, of how much this was really to do with sadness and the scars that just won't heal. She watched as he started towards the door, and stared on his back view getting further and further.
"I love you and I'm sorry"
Hearing those, the hurricane that storming inside of her almost vanished instantly. She knew her happiness was inside his pocket, once he stepped out from the door, nothing will ever be the same again. No longer she was on her feet, instead, curled to the cold carpet. Her mind devoid of the light he'd given all this time but also the pain. Her thoughts fell into an endlessly repeating loop, 'Is this what she really wants?'
As there was a moment of silence, she wants to reply to him, to call out for him but as if someone was choking her, the words won't come out from her dry throat. Her vision started to gets blurry, she knew she will faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards are being replaced by some kind of black hole. Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head and the world went black. The last thing she saw was him, walking away out of the room and disappeared.
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"It's been a week. How much longer are you going to be like this? You only eat a meal a day no more than two spoons only after we forced you." Momo said, an evident frustration lain beneath her tone. She was standing beside Sana who was sitting on the bedside chair, both were staring at their younger sister that lying with a blanket draped over her up until her shoulder while facing the other side of the room. The youngest showed no sign of turning around or speak, only small sniffles coming from her.
Momo gritted her teeth as she let out a long heavy sigh "Crying nonstop won't bring your daughter back!" Her voice raised as the younger's behaviour are becoming more and more unacceptable. She earned a fiery gaze from Sana, not only she was yelling to a sick person but also throwing blades with her words.
"Momo. Out" Sana commanded as their eyes locked, letting the staring become the next form of communication. Sana's eyes rest, not unblinking but slowed; yet the effect was soft and calming instead of harsh. Momo understands the meaning behind those orbs, despite the unpleasantly rough words Sana just used, Sana's eyes telling her differently, she was consoling her.
"You pamper her too much Sana," Momo said then threw her gaze to the youngest "If you that desperate to die. Go and starve yourself" She shook her head and walked away, leaving the room with a thud on the door.
Sana sighed deeply and averted her eyes to Mina "She cares for you so much" She uttered softly then caress the younger's arms "I know everything must be hard for you but I know my little sister. She's a strong and smart girl. People say things in anger Mina, even something they don't mean. I know that you're not only saddened by the loss of the baby but also Chaeyoung." She stopped for a second as Mina shifted her position and buried herself deeper under the blanket.
"For now, just rest but after you have calmed down, go meet him and have a proper conversation, before it's too late." Sana continued "I'll leave the tray here, better finish it or that jokbal maniac will be mad. You know, she can get scary sometimes" She chuckled and moved the tray of food from on top of her lap to the bedside table "Call me if you need anything".
Sana makes a beeline towards the door when suddenly she halted her step and turned around "One more thing Mina, Momo keeps complaining about you being dispirited and it worries her. Mom asked us to give you more time and said that there's no greater pain than a mother who loses her child. I disagree" With that being said, she watched the younger slowly raised her head and face her as the younger's curiosity and confusion peaks in the wonder of what Sana is trying to deliver.
"There's no greater pain than parents who loses their child. He suffered the same as you do Mina. I don't think you know that" Sana gave her a faint smile then slowly vanished from the younger eyesight.
For a moment Mina was unguarded. She paused, overcomes with the power and effect of what Sana had said. Her sister had shown her other perspective she didn't think really existed. She was too overwhelmed by the wound on her until she can't see him bleeding.
She laid her head back on the soft mattress of the hospital bed as she lost in the friction of the mind. If her thoughts were visible they would be an inverse explosion, crazy chaotic turns and twists of light all coming together to one idea, one word. His name. Mina shut her eyes as she makes a note to herself to meet him after she discharged.
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The Lexus came to a roundabout with a fountain at the centre, sweep around it, and continue up toward a fantastic wooden house. "I'll fetch you later kay?" Momo said as she rolled down her car's window and looked up to the younger who was standing on the street. Mina bent down a little to lined her face to her sister's and subtly shook her head.
"No need unnie. I want to stroll around for a while. And thank you Momo unnie for taking care of me" Mina pressed her lips and bowed her head. She was quite embarrassed after she received the latest scolding from Momo she knew her sister is rarely mad especially towards her. Therefore, whenever Momo did, it meant she really upset her.
Momo smiled and poked the mole on Mina's nose bridge "Then treat me jokbal later" She playfully said but the younger who took her words seriously nodded in full enthusiasm which made Momo burst into laughter "I'll get going then"
Mina nodded and waved her hands as she watched her sister drove to the bottom of the street then no longer visible in her sight. She looked around the street, there was no other soul except her. She will be coming home under lantern-shine as its golden rays mingle with the first light of a new day, she stood in front of a house, a familiar one. She entered the gate and walked on the rock pathway through the yard. She stopped for a moment and roamed her eyes around.
These yards were Chaeyoung's favourite place. Perhaps she had to go far away to appreciate it, but never again. She saw its everyday beauty for the wonder it was and knew this was where he was most at peace. For all the while there was that silvery sheen, even the gold of the daffodils. She closed her eyes, listening to the birdsong and breathed deeply. The sweet smell of flowers cut through the soft scent of the morning's dewy grass.
As she uncovered her eyes, she was transported to a visit of her precious memory.
"You're playing with fire," He says as I playfully attacking his face with the water spray. He looks quite ridiculous and funny.
I giggles "Then I reckon it's a good thing I've got myself a mighty powerful garden hose to keep that fire from getting out of control" I can't stop grinning as I hold the nozzle tighter, aiming his face again.
"Too late," With a cheeky smile, he charged into the water's cold, wet, arching stream. I shriek as I spin around to flee, dragging the hose behind me. Three long strides and Chaeyoung manages to step on the hose, easily jarring it loose from my grasp, I try to fight but he's too fast. Reeling it in, he takes hold of the still-spraying nozzle as I flee away, still, he caught me. I'm having too much fun, it seems like we're being a child again.
Mina smiled. She could still hear their voices and laughter. She was so happy that time, never knew what was awaiting them. She sighed and proceeded walking, unlocking the door of their house. The house was welcoming from the open door to the wide living room. Mina knew the moment she stepped inside, she'll be comforted by a new feeling, one that only the house could give. A place where her lungs choose to fill a little deeper and her heart beat a little steadier.
But she's unprepared of what was going to greet her. When she fully inside the house, she stood as gormless as a guppy. Never before had she noticed how time was so much like water; that it can pass slowly, a drop at a time. The last time she was here, she didn't pay attention to her surrounding as it was hard to make out the details in darkness and she was too preoccupied with Chaeyoung's arrival. But now, the words inside the banner that hung loosely on the wall took her breath away.
'Do you want to marry me, penguin'
He was intending to propose. That night should be a wonderful and historic night. Mina couldn't believe how cruel is fate towards them. They are the villain of her life when everything seems nice, it just came without warning, snatching all she had built, her happiness. It always had a way to part them, putting a test into their relationship more than they could handle until their love broke. Even so, love was powerful, but fate was unstoppable.
She slowly walked to the living room, examining the decoration in appreciation of his effort. Candles arranged on top of the table, creating a love shaped with a box of chocolate in the centre, a bouquet of roses sat next to it. She walked deeper until she arrived at the kitchen.
Here, exactly where she was standing was where they danced as they were accompanied by the morning light, it was also where they had their first kiss. She smiled warmly at the thought and remembered it precisely. For the time their lips were locked together, her heart fluttered inside her chest. It was a delicate butterfly of a kiss, soft and meaningful. Quite embarrassing to her as she was the one who initiated the moves.
Mina shook her head, she was lost in the awakened memories until she forgot the reason she came to the place---to talk to Chaeyoung. She swung her feet to the second floor, in search of the guy then arrived at their bedroom's door. She sighed when she concluded that the man wasn't there, in the house. She startedd to wonder where he might be and hoped nothing bad happened to him since no one seemed to know where he was and to make things worse, his phone cannot be reached. She decided to wait for him as she sat on the bed, looking around the room until her eyes stopped on a brown kraft paper next to her.
It was weird. As far as she remembered, the brown paper wasn't visible the last time she was inside the room. Chaeyoung never use those kinds of paper instead he preferred the white envelope except the paper came from someone else, maybe someone posted or delivered it when they were not at home. She took the paper and flipped it around to find any name on it, but the cover was pure empty. Not caring much of the content, she mindlessly unsealed it.
Pictures. That was what inside. Her brows arched in confusion not until she identified the person in the photograph. She hated it, the feeling of betrayal. Her trust, her heart wasn't only broken but shattered into fragments more numerous than the stars, whenever she tried to gather the pieces back, again and again, it was crushed. Heavy, the air seemed to be as the agonizingly long as days drew on. She wanted to be denial, she really wanted to trust him but the picture was an evidence of his deception. Seeing proofs of your lover, laughing, spent time, staying together and kissing other woman was enough to break the little hope of her that their love still stands a chance.
She awakened from the rage of emotions when her phone rung. She took it out from her handbag, faint smiles crossed her face when she saw the name of the caller.
[Oh, Mina. Tzuyu just phoned me and said that Chaeyoung is currently with Airin. Is that how you pronounced the name? Anyway, he is with the housemaid. Might as well meet the maid first and ask her where is Chaeyoung]
The line went silent for a beat.
[Hello?]
"Y-yeah. I'm listening. Thank you for telling me unnie" she succeeded to talk in her most normal voice without suddenly broke down. She ended the call as she blinked briny tears and shut her eyes. Breathing deeply as she tried to control her emotions though she failed. The tears made wet tracks down her face and dripped from her stubbled chin. She abruptly stood, taking another glance to the pictures that currently crumpled due to her tight grip. She shoved it back inside the brown paper, bringing it with her as she walked away, leaving the house.
She closed the gate, covering her mouth with her palm to stop her endless sobs and the small crystal beads that trailed down her cheeks to her neck, and her chest, only to melt into the cloth she wore. On second thought, she wanted to ring her sister but she didn't want them to be worried, hence she decided to calm herself somewhere. She bowed her head, not desiring anyone pity or attention. She fastened her step as she walked down the street and runs when suddenly she bumped into someone, almost causing her to falls backwards if it was not because of the stranger's fast reflexes to catch her before she hits the rough pavement.
She quickly regained her composure and bowed apologetically as her eyes never left the ground surface. She walked past the strangers, wanted to leave the scene when her hand were grabbed from behind. She turned around in slight fear and surprised, raising her eyes. It was then, she just realized, the stranger is him, looking at her in wonder and confusion.
"Jeongie" Her voice cracked as other sobs are heard.
"Why are you crying? What happened" He asked as he closed the gap between them, rubbing her arms to console her but the girl didn't show any sign of answering as her breath quickened and her tears burst. He did what everyone would do, he embraced her and softly caressed her hair. His other hand is preoccupied with a box and a bouquet of flower "I've bought baby's clothes to congratulate---" His sentence was cut off when the girl cried louder, her tears soaked into his shirt. His eyes went wide and he pulled her closer "I'm sorry if I say something wrong. Shh, it's okay. Everything will be fine. You'll be okay" He cooed her as they stayed a little bit longer. His eyes soon landed on the brown paper, gripped tightly by the girl. Staring at it with his dull orbs then diverted her attention back to the girl. While inside his pockets hidden two plane tickets to Norway.
===============
"You keep spacing out, Mina"
She blinks and in an instant all the past cast away, enough to wakes her to come back to the time. She smiles when she feels him wrapping a blanket around her body, almost burying her inside like a butterfly in her shell. "Thank you," She says softly and take the glass he offered then follows him as he pulls her to the couch. They sit next to each other, warming themselves by the fireplace. Her hands around the glass surface, seeking warmth.
"Is everything okay?" He asks, placing his hand on her shoulder, lightly squeeze it.
"All good" She looks at him in the eyes, as if to convince him that she truly meant it. She smiles and glances towards the window. The snow has a purity that elevates the spirit, the world made as pristine as a book ready for new stories. And after this rest, this deep breath of cool fresh air, we are ready for the sweet mischief of spring.
* * * *
Jeju Island, South Korea.
The disembodied voices of souls that once walked the earth seem to be carried through the fog that is rising from the cracks in the porous path. Rows of tombstones stand erect in silence to the left and right, in front and behind. She's alone, no other living human being is seen around but she's not afraid.
To enter the cemetery she must skirt around a pile of brown frosted leaves, the innumerable flashing fragments shine in the brilliant wintry light, for today there is no weather; no wind, no cloud, just subzero temperatures. Even the leaf stems lie white and sharp. Ahead the path glistens like white quartz, yet ice crystals on weary concrete are all it is. All this beauty over everything dead. And here she is to add to it with a bunch of pink tulips in her gloved hand.
She let her feet tread lightly over the white mud, creating lonely footprints until she is there. Her eyes resting on the specific gravestone before she bent down and brush the snow that covered his name, her heart hearing the sound of his voice as if he were right there with her.
"I come to visit." She says softly and place the tulips in front of the stone, then eyed the engagement carved on it,
'Do know that I'm always there, alive inside your heart'
She smiles, "I'm sorry my visit are becoming less frequent." As if waiting for an answer but received none, she hopes there's at least a whisper though she knows it just her stupid dreaming. "I miss you. I'm sorry that I can't protect you. That I'm too weak" She can't simply let the melancholy cloak fall to the ground and though she held it so tight she can't find the warmth she needs, yet it clings. It is the anchor to her feet, the reason she can't find that feeling of soft joy that lives in memories that can't rise within but only bitter memory about him.
"I have to go. I'll see you again papa" She says as the sun sink lower in the sky giving way to the velvety dark of night. She has to prepare for dinner. She gives one last smiles and leaves the place. A black Mercedes is waiting for her outside the gate, she bowed to thank the driver as he opens the passenger's door for her. She still not used to be treated as a Miss let alone living in such a wealthy life.
The car drives off and soon arrives in a house located deeper inside the forest where the empty field has lain. The house is a huge series of rectangles constructed of steel and glass. It stands amidst the manicures lawn as if beamed there. The roof is flat and there is no visible chimney. Through the glass, she could see warm orange glows illuminating every inch of the house.
She makes a beeline towards the metallic front door when suddenly a man in his 40s stop her. "What is it, Mr Kang? Did something happens to him?" She asks, her voice shivers as her face goes pale. The butler sighs and asked her to follow his lead. They soon arrive at the back of the house where you could see the endless sea from the beach miles away. In the yard, there's a single man in a wheelchair wearing a light cream sweater and a white beanie, a brown blanket sits on his laps where his hand hugging a pot of sakura beaded flower.
"Young master has been there for two hours. He refuses to went inside" Mr Kang says, as they watch the man from afar.
"I'll talk to him. Mr Kang can go inside first, it's getting colder. I'll help the maids to prepare dinner" She says. The butler smiles then bowed before he takes his leaves. She sighs and walks closer to the man.
The man has his eyes shut. The snow alighted on his face softer than the kisses his first love used to plant, and just as cold as the memories had turned. Under the pristine layer of crystalline water, the path he trod as a child, walking with her hand in hand. He wants to turn the pages back and dwell on the fine details: her weird looking walk habit, how she has difficulty to sleep and required a pair of sock to send her into dreamland, how she never got too old to splash in the puddles. But life is pulling him forward into the unknown with one hand and erasing his past with the other. His thoughts were thicker than the blizzard, "She's gone. The colours of spring will come but she won't."
In this swirl of white, the world is washed anew, like a new page, and though he's still engulfed with grief, he's more than ready to start a new phase, a new journey and perhaps....
"Youngie" a soft voice breakthrough the air.
A new love.
He opens his eyes, a more lovely sight awaited him. There stands a girl, wearing a long wool pea coat and under it is a black tee and a purple scarf around her neck. Her hazel-nut hair curls fall down her back. Her lips are carefully tinted red and her skin is flawless. He sees tiny flecks on snow on her dark lashes, framing her pretty brown eyes. Her cheeks are slightly pink, he assumed it is from the cold. A girl that has stayed with him in all those horrible years where it's physically and psychologically brutal and the reality that he has turn quadriplegic and what he had lost.
Her expression is so far away, a serenity that never failed to put him at ease and now It's her expression that made him smiles. "How's the visit to your father?"
"Good." She replies in a robotic tone, a thing where he learns that the girl is probably angry with him, which he knows the reason why. She takes off her coat and wraps it around his shoulder. She kneeS with one knee in front of him as she grasps his hands and blows into it, rubbing their hands together "What are you doing here for so long? Your hand is freezing" she says, trying to warm him up.
"I can't feel it. The cold" His tone is flat causing the girl to look at him in the eyes. As if her anger is a small spark of fire suddenly being washed by a bucket of water, it disappears. She's not even mad at him but the worry is all. She knows what he means, and today, she could never be more sadden then his statement.
A faint smile crosses her feature. "Still. It affects your body. Let's get inside hmm?" She raises her brows, trying to persuade him.
"Can I stay a little bit longer?" He asks more like pleading by the sound of his tone and that visible pout of him.
She sighs and sits more comfortably on the ground, settling down beside his wheelchair. She's wearing tight leggings and she could feel her legs already goes numb by the direct contact to the ground. She brings her knee up to her chest and hugs it."Then I'll stay here with you" She determined.
He watches her with wide eyes and says, "No, you have to get inside. I don't want you to get sick" he reaches for her hair, slowly caressing it as his movement is limited.
"Me neither" She answered causing him to chuckles.
"You're really stubborn" he shakes his head.
"I learn it from you" She fights.
"Alright, alright. I raise my white flag. You won" He laughs as the girl hurriedly stands and brushes the snowflake over her legs then gives him the victory grin.
The electric wheelchair is equipped with a manual freewheel lever mounted on each motor. She identifies it by their bright yellow tip and disengages the drive motors so that the chair can be moved manually. She walks behind him and pushes it ever so slowly.
"The Sakura is really beautiful. I like it" He says, hands tracing the beaded petal of the wired tree on his lap. She smiles hearing him and continues walking. The butler greets them as they reach the front door and opening the door for them. Inside is minimalist, comforted by the warmth of orange glows. The walls are fashionable shades of white and the floor polished concrete. There is no sentimentality for chintz but on the walls are the most astonishing painting. The only organic matter insight is white orchids on the dark cherry coffee table. The kitchen is large enough for an army of people as there are three maids currently busy themselves. A sweet and rich aroma filling the space as if having a small conversation with the light jazz music coming from the plasma television.
He looks at the flickering pine tree, with its tiers of lights, decorated by various ornament as it stands proudly at the corner of the living room. There are no stairs inside the house instead, a lift as a way to reach the second and third floor. She walks him passed the lift as his room is located on the first floor.
"Let me wash my face. Don't worry, I can handle it" He says as they enter the en-suite room with a plasma screen, a king-sized bed and a walk-in wardrobe. She nods in reluctance and engages the drive motors on the wheelchair for him to control it automatically.
"I'll be in the kitchen," She says while he gives her a reassurance smiles. She averts her attention to his brown wristwatch and lightly touches the black small knob at the crown of the watch. "You know what to do if there's something wrong, press the button" she reminds him as he smiles and nods in understanding, she'll definitely tell him at least ten times a day and he never is bored listening to it.
He watches himself, there in the reflection of the full-length silver framed mirror near the gleaming granite countertops. He carefully takes off his beanie and sweater, exposing his upper body. He examines the guy in the mirror, cuts on his wrist and stomach when he tries to free himself from the guilt of hurting someone he truly loves. Then there, marks on his neck from the failed suicide attempts when he was first awakened from coma state and realized he could not move any of his limbs. He was paralyzed from the neck down after spinal cord injury, he was devastated, angry and it drove him crazy to do rushed action.
"Don't be stupid! Killing yourself wouldn't change anything. Hyung please"
"Look at me Tzuyu-yah. Look at me!! I lost her, I lost my child and I lost myself all at once. I'm a disabled man! a broken thing! I can't even drink on my own, I can not do anything. To feel the pain every night, my body itself is killing me. I can't. It's too painful Tzuyu-yah, I want to end the suffering"
"We are here. Your family, you are not alone, we will stand by your side and take care of you. Those who truly love you will stay no matter how hard it is. At least, fight for mom. She's watching us, she must not want you to die in vain. Life has much more meaning hyung, I can show you so take my hand. Let me help you"
He's glad that he took his brother's hand and now he is still breathing, living. Things slowly but surely changed over time. It's been a journey. He is challenged every day. Through research, he discovered an exercise program in Jeju then soon chosen to stay. The first decisive decision he ever made after he went paralyzed. But she came with him, in every path, in every step she was there beside him the entire time. She made it possible for him, to be independent from his family, to be with other paraplegics. That's what gave him fresh air. With luck and determination, his condition improves day by day, he can finally move his arms, though he has bad dexterity and his triceps are weak.
He smiles faintly, not noticing the single lonely crystal bead escaping his left eyes. He stares at the man in the mirror, "You did the best you could do. You fight hard and I'm proud of you. Let's forgive ourselves, let her go and see the world in a new light" he says and breathe deeply. He proceeds washing his face when he heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Youngie? Are you there" her voice calls out.
He chuckles and wipes his face, putting his sweater back on and wear his beanie. He gives a last look to the mirror, making sure his eyes are not puffy or red then smiles widely. He pushes the joystick on the armrest towards the sliding door and pushes a single button on the frame. "I was staring at my face. Quite shock how good-looking I am" he says playfully as the door slides open revealing the girl practising of biting her fingernails. He sees that she has change into a knee-length white dress.
She sighs in relief then flick his forehead as a punishment for teasing around. The butler calls a young, tall and muscular man named Hahn. Chaeyoung will be needing assistance to move him from the wheelchair to the bed.
Hahn carefully lifts Chaeyoung's body by the shoulder and gently places him on the bed, while another man helps to raise his legs as Chaeyoung rest against the headboard. "I'll take it from here. Thank you" The girl says as she bowed to them while they do the same then leaves the room. She places the wheelchair next to the bedside table then sits on the edge of the soft mattress. She tucks the blanket on him, up until his waist. "I'll take the food, wait a little bit" She taps his hands and is about to stand when he catches her thumb and tighten his grip.
"Can you stay.....a few more minutes?" He asks as she looks at him in surprise before her eyes soften. She nods and moves to the other side of the bed, tuck herself under the same blanket as she sits beside him. There's a comfortable silence engulfing them, not until she feels his hand, holding her behind the covers and something he put inside her palm. She glances at him and raises her hand, it's a silver orbit amethyst compass locket and behind it engraved a sentence,
'Showing you the way'
"A gift." He whispers as they both staring at the pendant. "Here, let me help" he takes the necklace and put it around her neck as she swipes her hair to one side. "Do you like it?" he asks as he finished fasten it. "I personally designed the locket. Hope it's not that hideous" A nervous chuckle leaves his mouth as the girl is still wordlessly staring in the silvery necklace.
"It's stunning." She smiles and looks at him "I love it. But I don't have anything to give now" her voice trails away as her expression turns gloomy.
"Well..." He breaks their eye contact and shyly says "..a warm hug will do" It is the peek of champagne pink infused his dimpled cheeks with the blossoming smile and his eyes shine in a way you could see the winking stars inside his orbs. She laughs and scoots closer, opening her arms which without hesitation, he snuggles into her embrace, resting his head against her shoulder while her arms wrap around his back and temple.
He loves the softness, the quiet, the sense of rest. His thoughts slowed as a beautiful carousel. The wind swoops up, over the heights, rushes and rustles through the grasses as crickets start to sing. Sleep pools in his eyelids as he closes his eyes.
"Merry Christmas, Rene-yah" He breathes softly.
"Merry Christmas, Youngie" She answers then heard small snores. She glances at him and smiles sadly. Inside her pocket dress, sits a white envelope, something up until now she couldn't deliver the letter to him. She's afraid of the content, and what effect it could bring to him. She isn't sure that keeping the letter a secret is the best for him but one thing for sure, he is happy now. He decides to start a new life and the letter could only bring him back to the darl void of the past.
===============
|Flashback|
"Tzuyu told me, he is with you," Mina said. In the cafe, they sat across each other. Anonymously, the cafe was the colour of royal blue, glistening in the first golden rays of the day and the jazz pours out of the open doors along with the aroma of freshly baked lasagne. It was warm and comfortable but not the air that surrounded them. It spoke no more than a raising intensity and heavy atmosphere."I want to see him, I have something to say" Though her voice might sound normal to strangers lain within it were perfectly controlled anger and fear.
"He doesn't want to meet anyone at the moment...even you" Irene stated as her eyes not even twitched by the deep and lethal stare the other girl thrown at her.
Mina left astonished. She lowered her gaze as she started to lose her composure. She pressed her lips and took out an envelope from her handbag, putting it on the table. "Can you give this to him? I'll leave the country in two days and I hope I can meet him for the last time." She trailed away as her eyes unfocused. She breathed out and looked at her "Tell him that before my flight, I'll wait for him in the park we used to go. 3 o'clock" It never sounded as a request but more like a command from her.
"Noted" Irene said.
"Thank you, I'll take my leave" Mina's voice remained flat and emotionless as the words sound insincere. She stood and wore her handbags, bowed then walked away. As she walked past their table her step halted when she heard her name being called.
"Mina-sii, I am sure the ring you're wearing is no longer belongs to you. You should give to the rightful owner" Irene uttered, knowing how deadly her words were, at least to Mina as both understood the meaning behind it. Mina unconsciously clenched her fist, gripping to her dress as her face darkened like gathering storm clouds. She gritted her teeth and sighed in defeat. She raised her left hand, tracing the curve of the ring with her fingertips before she slipped it off from her ring finger. She placed it on the table and without another glance, she walked out of the cafe.
Irene stared at the ring and envelope. In fact, Chaeyoung was still asleep, he hadn't woken up for more than a week. She was hesitating. What she just did was wrong and she could still fix it, it was still not too late to chase after Mina, tell her the truth and delivered Mina's messages and envelope to Chaeyoung, so they could meet again.
"Stop thinking."
She heard a deep voice speaking from behind. She recognized the voice though she had never seen his face, it was him. She stayed rigid in her place, learning that the guy was sitting on the table behind her, the entire time she had a conversation with Mina.
"You've come this far. There's no turning back."
"I thought she never loved him, that she betrayed the love he has for her. You offered me the task, saying that I could free him, but what I did hurt him more than she did. He is the happiest when he's with her. I did everything you asked so please, let them meet for one last time." She pleaded as regret washed over her. How she long to go back and declined his offers, but now that was impossible. There was no time-turner. There was no way back.
"That will not happen. You know it don't you? You did this for your own good, for your selfish feelings towards him. We've come to an agreement. I give you the job at his house, I paid your mother bill and I help investigated your father case. I think it's fair and equal."
"I'll leave the last paper regarding your father trial here. This will be our last meeting Irene-sii but I'll always watching you. Don't try anything stupid. I hope the best for you and take good care of him."
Soon, she heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor and footstep that faded away. She turned around, no one longer occupied the chair as on top of the wooden table, sat a pile of paper inside a blue plastic envelope. She bit her lips as her eyes went red and her chest became heavy then tears slid down her cheeks as a released from the building up emotions.
"You really are, pathetic" She murmured to herself.
==============
"I'm sorry. I really am" She whispers near Chaeyoung's ear while rubbing his arms. If only she knew that the separation between him and Mina could affect him this bad, ruining his life, she hopes she does not meet him in the first place.
Though she's tired of thinking about it since no amount of analysis is going to turn back the clock, the guilt and regret keep haunting her, enough with the deep scars all over her arms-- the evidence of her evil doings to take the life of a pure soul-- will stayed with her till her very last breathe. She has vowed to take care of him, to be with him in every possible way, to repay her fault and for the love, she has for him.
The door suddenly creaks open, gaining her attention. She quickly looks away and wipes the tears that she doesn't even realise streaming down her face the whole time. She then looks to the door direction where a child holding a crayon are staggering unsteadily to the bed. She wants to catch him on the spot, afraid he'll fall but she doesn't want to disturb Chaeyoung's sleep, instead, she reaches out her hand and tells the child repeatedly "Slowly, step by step."
The child climbed up the bed crawls to her while she caught his wrist and guides him to sit on her lap. "Papa" The child softly utters as he pokes Chaeyoung's cheeks.
"Papa is asleep. Cannot play with him right now" She ruffles his hair and smiles when the child looks at her with pouty lips. He escapes her grip as she watches him crawls to Chaeyoung' lap, hugging his waist akin of a koala hugging the tree. With no time, the child follows Chaeyoung into dreamland, maybe they are playing there, at least that's what she thinks.
She slips off the bed and slowly lay Chaeyoung's body to the side. She covers them with a blanket--- almost up until Chaeyoung's shoulder until she remembered that the boy is still there, he'll be bury inside it--- hence, she keeps the blanket levels to the waist, staring at the lovely sight almost like a father and his child. She is surrounded by those she loves the most, and she could never be happier than that. She plants a soft kiss on Chaeyoung's forehead and on the child's cheek before she walks away, decides to wake them up when the dinner is ready.
* * * *
Aurora Orphan Home,
Jeju Island, South Korea
"Sister, if God is powerful, why does He allow pain and suffering?" A boy asks as he watches the sunset at the horizon. The defiant sky adorned itself with brilliant reds and oranges, clothed itself in garish splendour. It's red, a not very convincing colour to the boy as if the sky is filled with dried blood.
Sister Cecilia smiles as she sits beside the boy, resting against a huge tree. "Someone asked me the same question as you did, years ago in this exact same place and we were watching the sunset too." Her delicate soft-spoken words enough to keep him at comforts, calming the storm inside his mind. "And even up until now, my answer is still the same, I do not know why"
The boy looks at her with disbelief and confusion. Sister Cecilia smiles to him and averts her eyes to the sunset. "God reminds us that the world has order and beauty but is also wild and dangerous. While we do not always know why we suffer, we can bring our pain and grief to God and trust that He is wise and knows what He's doing." She says as if giving him a hint to complete the Jigsaw puzzle inside his mind.
She glances at the boy "Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then---"
"But then we will see everything with perfect clarity. 1 Corinthians 13:12, " The boy says finishing her sentence as he shows her pure smiles.
Sister Cecilia takes out candy with polka dots wraps and put it inside the boy's palm "Someday we'll see with clarity, but for now, things are foggy. We can't understand everything from our finite perspective.....Perhaps, it is to make us wiser, stronger and more independence, a better version of ourself." She says. "Eat the candy, it will make you feel a lot better. Sweet and crunchy" She smiles at him and stands. "The sunset is dazzling." The last words she says before she leaves the boy to think of what she had just said.
"Indeed. For a flower to blooms, it needs to feel the rain and winds too"
End of Withered Chapter 57. View all chapters or return to Withered book page.